the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Dudes, seriously

I know I am going to get a slew of hand-slapping email over this because here I am condoning something so incredibly bad for the environment, but trust me when I say that this could very well CHANGE YOUR LIFE. My mother gave this to me as gift for the nursery, a Munchkin Warm Glow Wipe Warmer that heats up baby wipes and makes it so that the baby doesn’t go yelping off the changing table because suddenly you’re shoving an ice cold cloth between her butt cheeks. I want one of these for both of our bathrooms so that when I go to wipe my butt I have the luxury of a warm wipe. But since you have to plug it in there’s always the possibility that it could fall over into the toilet and then BOOM! everyone dies from electric shock. So for the time being it’s just Marlo’s butt who gets the royal treatment.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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