the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Jon and Heather plus two and getting our asses kicked

How does something so small and helpless bring the entire world around her to a screeching halt? I know I was guilty of once thinking that a newborn couldn’t be that much work, right? You just go about your business when they’re taking a nap, duh. EXCEPT WHEN THEY NAP ONLY WHEN PHYSICALLY ATTACHED TO YOUR BODY. And that’s when you have to retrain your body to do basic tasks with either one arm or one hand, and then balance this or that on one hip, and then it’s OH MY HELL WOULD YOU HOLD THIS KID SO I CAN BRUSH MY HAIR FOR GOD’S SAKE. If this were some sort of athletic event the score would be Marlo 75 to Jon and Heather are passed out on the field.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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