the smell of my desperation has become a stench

xoxo

Posting for the next couple of days is going to be light as we attend several engagements around my Granny Boone’s funeral. All nine of her children have gathered from different corners of the country, including many of their own children, so there are like thousands and thousands of Boones running around telling fart jokes, comparing cleavage, and blaming Granny for all of their passive-aggressive tendencies, like oh my god Uncle Timmy YOU DID NOT JUST BRING UP THAT APPLE PIE STORY AGAIN. I’m not going to repeat that story here except to say that we have heard it a kadrillion times, and the point of it is that life is unfair and GRANNY MADE IT SO. Except I’m guessing that growing up poor in Kentucky, working three jobs, raising ten kids (one who died in infancy) and having to boil water every morning on the stove to take a bath… that may explain why she overreacted when he stole a piece of pie.

I love this family, no question, but if a psychiatrist got us all into one room he’d have to wear a helmet and wield a gun.

I spent several hours with them yesterday, and I have so much to say and can’t wait to get around to writing it. But right now I want to thank you, you who come here and read what I write. It is because of you that I was able to help fly out many of the cousins and grandchildren who would otherwise be unable to attend this funeral. And I don’t know how to tell you just how much it means to me and this family. That because of you and you and you, you in Vancouver, and you in Pittsburgh, and you in Edina, Minnesota, because you come here and share the ups and downs of this totally Wackadoo Family, several grandchildren get to come and say goodbye to their Granny. And the magnitude and meaning of that really blows my mind.

Thank you. I don’t say it nearly enough. Thank you so much.

In the meantime, here’s a chuckle:

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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