An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

xoxo

Posting for the next couple of days is going to be light as we attend several engagements around my Granny Boone’s funeral. All nine of her children have gathered from different corners of the country, including many of their own children, so there are like thousands and thousands of Boones running around telling fart jokes, comparing cleavage, and blaming Granny for all of their passive-aggressive tendencies, like oh my god Uncle Timmy YOU DID NOT JUST BRING UP THAT APPLE PIE STORY AGAIN. I’m not going to repeat that story here except to say that we have heard it a kadrillion times, and the point of it is that life is unfair and GRANNY MADE IT SO. Except I’m guessing that growing up poor in Kentucky, working three jobs, raising ten kids (one who died in infancy) and having to boil water every morning on the stove to take a bath… that may explain why she overreacted when he stole a piece of pie.

I love this family, no question, but if a psychiatrist got us all into one room he’d have to wear a helmet and wield a gun.

I spent several hours with them yesterday, and I have so much to say and can’t wait to get around to writing it. But right now I want to thank you, you who come here and read what I write. It is because of you that I was able to help fly out many of the cousins and grandchildren who would otherwise be unable to attend this funeral. And I don’t know how to tell you just how much it means to me and this family. That because of you and you and you, you in Vancouver, and you in Pittsburgh, and you in Edina, Minnesota, because you come here and share the ups and downs of this totally Wackadoo Family, several grandchildren get to come and say goodbye to their Granny. And the magnitude and meaning of that really blows my mind.

Thank you. I don’t say it nearly enough. Thank you so much.

In the meantime, here’s a chuckle:

  • what a laugh! resounding! “and now, i’m done. game face on.”

  • helen

    Oh the dimples in action!!!

  • Amy in CT

    I’m so glad that in some small way your readership has helped in your family’s grief. It helps to have such beautiful reminders of young life all around you!

  • I’m going to click on some more ads, just for you! R.I.P. to your granny….

  • I feel honored to be one of your faithful followers!

  • Sheila

    Your welcome and thank you!

  • ummmm …. you’re welcome? don’t forget that it’s your writing and photos that keep people coming back. there’s a reason why a whole lot of us have you bookmarked.

  • I second #6’s comment.

  • Wow, that is a wonderful thing to do for your family, Heather. As one tiny sliver of the audience, you are welcome.

  • Mommy Katie

    Hope you have a wonderful few days celebrating the life of your Granny!

  • Anonymous

    So sorry for your loss. Its fantastic that so many of your family can come together to celebrate a life.

  • kikz

    godspeed, to your granny….*

  • Sarah Pond

    Well, Armstrongs, right back atcha.

  • Rachel

    We just love you and your cute family up in here!

  • Debbie

    As Sheila said, you’re welcome and right back atcha. Thanks for giving me a daily escape. I love your family!

  • kdmt9

    Heather THANK YOU for sharing your life and family. Reading this site is frequently the bright spot of my day.

  • Someone’s feeling sentimental today… Well thank YOU for being awesome. I hope you enjoy all the bittersweet but wonderful family time.

  • Blessings to your family right now.

  • Laura-Lu

    No heather thank you for making my day, week, month with your website! we are all blessed!

  • This video should come with a disclaimer: Do not watch this if you are currently wanting another baby. Such sweetness.

  • Erica

    Heather,
    It is so awesome that you thought to fly your family out and even more cool that you are ABLE to do that. I hope this time with your family is good for you and the family. Many good thoughts being sent your way.
    Much love from Memphis,
    Erica

  • I don’t think there’s anything worse than missing a funeral of someone you love.

    Granny Boone sounds like the salt of the Earth. God bless her!

  • Family is wonderful, ENJOY having all of yours around being all crazy!
    HUGS!

  • I’m sorry for your loss. Funerals are always somewhat bittersweet. You get to see your family that might not otherwise get together, but also mourn the loss of a loved one.

    What a cute freaking laugh! Also, you are very welcome! I love reading what you write and getting to know you’re family. Although, I have to say, you’re making me want to have kids sooner by the day! Ahhh!

    Haha I thought I was going to wait until I was 30, but who knows, maybe 27 🙂 I’m 23 now! Please, no more cute baby laughs, or I fear I might push my age limit sooner!

  • eva

    Sorry for your loss. Isn’t it awful that these are often the only times the whole clan gets together?

    ps – YAY VANCOUVER! YOU MENTIONED SOMEWHERE IN CANADA! SOMEWHERE I LIVE! WILL READ DOOCE FOREVAH NOW!!

  • Thank YOU for all the dimples videos.

  • We come here because you’re amazing. You make it quite easy.

    Thinking of you and your family. x

  • Josey

    So happy that your family can be together during times like this! Thank YOU for making us all want to be loyal followers.

  • Glad I could help! Don’t mention it!

  • I’m honored to have helped in some small way from way over here in Pittsburgh. Thanks to you for making the site worth clicking on over and over again.

    This is when the Internet is truly awesome. Well, this, and also: PICTURES OF BOOBIES.

  • Sorry to hear about your granny. There’s nothing better than getting your family together to remember the good times and tell stories you may have never heard before. Treasure all the good times.

  • JulieC

    Thank YOU, hon for sharing your beautiful family with the world. God bless you all and God bless Granny Boone.

  • Your welcome.

    Much love from the you in Vancouver

  • Sara

    Your Granny Boone always sounded like an amazing woman. So glad your family can be together to celebrate her.

  • crap. you just made me cry. it is all granny boone’s fault. bless her heart. and take good care.

  • It sounds like you guys are both grieving her death and yet celebrating her life. Nine kids – wow, what a legacy! Your Granny sounds like an amazing woman and I’m sure she would want you all to compare cleavage and tell the Apple Pie story. Hopefully you will win the boob thing, because, you know, BREASTFEEDING. 🙂

  • That’s amazing that you are able to help your family.

    I’m so sorry about your grandma, but from the sounds of it, I would certainly enjoy the Boones! I love crazy families. Well, fun, crazy families. When my grandfather and his wife passed away, the circumstances were, of course, sad, but oh my god, did we have fun. I’m pretty sure I went to a karaoke bar with my cousins and belted out “Another one bites the dust”…and that was just the beginning of it 🙂

    I can’t get over how beautiful Marlo is. That dimple and those eyes!

  • We are starting to get little chuckles from the Bean too! They certainly melt hearts.

  • And even nobodies from as far as the Netherlands read this, you know 🙂 I guess psychiatrists would LOVE to examine all your followers thoroughly as well.

  • I’m so sorry about your Granny! From the pics you posted and the stories you tell about raising 10 kids and boiling water to bathe, I can assume she was one fantastic G-Ma and Mom with every excuse in the world to act however she choose and to talk of flatulence whenever she chooses! Sounds a lot like my G-ma 🙂

    It’s awesome that you are flying in your family….I’m sure that all of the Dooce haters would be so kind to do the same in this situation.

  • Manda

    Thanks to you too. I’ve really enjoyed your website over the years.

  • OH! Since I live in Minnesota – I will assume you were talking to me!?? haha — Love everything you write Heather – and I look forward to reading all about your experiences from the family gathering…. I hope you are taking notes!!

  • We are starting to get little chuckles from the Bean too! They certainly melt hearts.

  • Jenny

    Sending prayers to you and your family from Ohio.

  • Shannon

    Thank YOU for being YOU. The you that is honest, and challenged, and humble, and caring, and kind, and giving, and willing to take a stand for you, your family, heck, even for your readers. You enrich my life just by getting to read about yours. There isn’t a day I don’t learn something from your site, especially when to use ALL CAPS and (SHINGLES) !!’s So thanks again, Miss Heather B. Armstrong. And God speed, Granny Boone!

    p.s. I love captcha. Today I am a bullpen wife!

  • Just wanted to say that I’m sorry about your loss. It’s always good to think of the good times, and share with family and friends. Family love always makes me smile.

    And, thank you for always writing. Your words make me laugh, and nod in agreement (pretty much all the time). Thank you for writing raw, and not masking thoughts. It helps inspire others (like me) who might be afraid to write opening on the “big bad internet.”

  • Kate

    Your heartfelt thanks is so touching to me. You are an amazing person. I am so glad that your family gets to be together during this celebration of your Granny’s life.

  • It is my (our) PLEASURE to read your site, Heather. I hope you enjoy (as much as you can) the time with your family while you say goodbye to your Granny.

    xoxo right back atcha.

  • Your family deserves to be together at this time. I hope you enjoy your time together!

  • Thanks for writing. You encourage us all. 🙂

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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