An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Every little thing is gonna be all right

Some of you may have noticed several weird things going on with this website — some code errors here, things not working over there, that not-so-accidental picture of my dog in maternity underwear over in that corner — and there is a very solid reason as to why all of this is happening, and it’s not that I’m trying to screw with you. Although one paranoid and probably schizophrenic reader thought this was exactly what was going on, said that I had hacked into her computer and changed her desktop wallpaper to a picture of a decapitated moose. You have no idea how badly I wish I had that superpower.

Jon has been working tirelessly the last couple of months on a huge new portion of this website that is scheduled to launch at the beginning of next month, and this project includes upgrading the infrastructure in such a way that one or two things may have gotten wedged up the butt of a server. He is grateful for your patience, and I should probably tell you how cute he is when he is stressed out as much as he is these days, because in order to deal with things going haywire he grabs at his own hair, much like a three-year-old who is throwing a tantrum and doesn’t know any other way to demonstrate his frustration.

I used to call it Movable Type Hair back when that was the content management system we used to run this site. Now that we’re using Drupal I guess I could call it Drupal Hair, but that sounds like something contagious or deadly. These days I usually don’t call it anything, I just ask him if he’s looked in the mirror lately, and when he asks me why I say, oh, I don’t know, maybe because the animal sitting on top of his head looks like it may be dying, and should we intervene?

So we’ve got that exciting launch to look forward to, and in the meantime I’ve got a boatload of deadlines causing me to do what every writer does best: procrastinate! I really hope my book editor is not reading this (hi, Patrick!) because he’d be thinking, wait a minute, why is she working on that when she should be working on that other thing? First of all, PATRICK, shouldn’t YOU be working instead of READING THIS? THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT.

There is no second of all now that I think about it.

Except maybe to say that the other reason I brought all this up is because I deliberately took a break on Saturday knowing what the next two weeks were going to be like, walked away from my computer and spent a few hours on the kitchen floor trying to beat my five-year-old at several different card games. While listening to Bob Marley. And Leta is just sitting there, her legs folded over one another, her wild hair hanging partially over her face, and she is totally kicking my ass.

And I remembered that one time many years ago when Jon and I got stoned on some very bad weed, and oops, I just forgot that my Dad reads this website. Dad, I promise that was the last time we ever did that sort of thing, and not just because that stuff makes me so paranoid that I sat there for two hours thinking the FBI was about to send helicopters and surround my apartment building with a heavily armed swat team.

Oh wait a minute. That trip to Amsterdam. But that was legal.

Anyway, I remember sitting there trying not to freak out, focusing every molecule in my body on the task of NOT FREAKING OUT, and I may have said something out loud about how I wanted our children to understand the magic of Bob Marley. And since Jon was totally relaxed and experiencing what normal people experience when using such substances, he started laughing uncontrollably, because how ridiculous is it that I would say that while smoking pot? Bob Marley? Really, Heather? I mean, that right there is the script of a play featuring a Mormon smoking weed for the first time and trying to make it seem like she has any idea what she is doing.

So Leta looks up at me through a few loose tendrils of her hair, draws a winning card from the pile, and says, “Mom, I love this music.” And I don’t know, it was just one of those moments when I was like, I cannot wait to tell the Internet about this.

  • it’s really exciting, as a mom, when you see your kids start to appreciate the real things in life.

    besides the normal kid stuff, like, pickles, spongebob, jonas brothers, wrestling, peanut butter sandwiches, and bakugon.

    right now, my 6 year old loves ‘crazy train’ by ozzy. because he likes the beat. my 10 year old likes onions because he likes the flavor they give his sandwiches and burgers.

    i think it’s amazing when they start to show little signs of like that of growing up.

    @ Jessica – comment #65


  • Molly

    I love that Leta enjoys music with you. I looooove that. Now I need to go listen to that clip of Marlo whining in order to not want to reproduce and try my hand at having a relationship like that with my child RIGHT NOW.

  • It may be cliche to high hell to associate Bob Marley with smoking the pot, but there is a damn good reason. They go together like peanut butter and ladies, man.

  • Looking forward to a new book!

  • My son insists on my singing Three Little Birds to him every night. Then he sings it himself, and sings it to himself at naptime in preschool. There is seriously nothing cuter than a four year old singing, “This is my messhage to you hoo hoo.” I like to think that Bob is smiling down on all these little souls loving his music.

  • It’s always a good kick in the ego when someone a fraction of your age and size kicks your butt at a card game.

  • Does it bring you joy that the Noggin, er, “Nick Jr” channel plays the Bob Marley song? It makes me happy inside. 🙂

  • Nancy in MN

    Bob Marley is good kitchen dancing music

  • Wait, your dad reads this blog?


    Great story. Marley, hmmm… now I need to see if my Kass would like him.

  • Trixie

    I am lost, guess I would have to be a stay at home mom to know what’s going on. 🙁

  • Awesome. I love introducing my kid to music (though he always demands “Bono!”). Also, thank you for “wedged up the butt of a server,” which perfectly describes the way my work site is behaving today, and thinking of that will keep me sane through the upcoming users’ group meeting.

  • Anonymous

    NO one has posted this yet???

  • You have such a cool little girl! I love that she is so appreciative of music. You two are teaching her well!

  • LP

    Great post, Heather!

  • Well I know what my afternoon plans are going to include.

    Two of the things mentioned in this post!

    I wonder what they’ll be… hm, pot and Bob Marley. Coding and drupal hair.

    I’m just kidding myself. My afternoon will include all of the above. My hair, once a lovely wheat blonde, now looks like I am attempting a Garth Algar Halloween costume a week early.

  • Erin

    Wait, you smoked weed?!? I bet they have a special place in Outer Darkness for that, right next to the murderers and those who don’t wear garments.

  • tlcox19

    Okay, now I have that song stuck in my head. Or more accurately the chorus ONLY of that song stuck in my head. On another note I happened to catch Dr. Phil a week or so ago and who was on there helping make sense of the whole Working Moms vs Stay Home Moms? Yup, our own little Ms Dooce.

    Question: Why do they always have to approach it from that vs. angle? I support mommies. Work mommies and home mommies. Everybody needs to just chill and do what their hearts, consciences and finances dictate and quit being so darn judgy judgy.

    Heather, I really liked what you had to say about creating our own villages using the technology at hand. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

  • The best way to procrastinate when you should be working on your book is to read a blog by someone else who is procrastinating when she should be working on her book. Thanks.

  • Jane

    How cool is that!? Also, when I clicked on the tab to see your blog Moose A. Moose was actually singing Three Little Birds in the background on Noggin.

  • KrisA

    Best song ever. When my 3yr old nephew was diagnosed with leukemia – his cousins (including my 2 kids) made a video singing that song. Of course, it devolved into some weird cross-dressing napoleon dynamite thing, but it was and will always be…best song ever.

  • New book and new site feature? I bet it’ll be awesome. And also, big big hugs for your mom. And my captcha words are breathe and Sunday. So appropriate.

  • Good luck on the transitions.

    On a side note – I have been hearing that Cold Play song a lot lately, and every time I do, I picture Leta dancing. And it makes me smile. And every time I have a patient with SHINGLES! your SHINGLES! video plays through my head. And I laugh out loud. Until I cry. Thanks for that!

  • Having a serious day. Your Bob Marley vignette made me laugh. Thanks for that.

  • I LOVE it when my child’s random comment brings something personal full circle for me. It just makes me feel like all that crazy shit I’ve been through was specifically designed to bring me RIGHT HERE. Like I am where I belong. Totally gives me the faith to keep plodding on.

    And now I need to go play some Marley for my four-year-old.

  • Meagan G

    I cant wait til Sophie (my 16 month old) learns to really appreicate the power of Bob Marley. She already rocks out to One Love so we are on the right track!

    Way to go Leta! Great taste in music just like her mom!

  • Michelle

    I can think of no better way to be a parent than to sing “Three Little Birds” to my 3 yr old daughter at night. Bob would be darn proud to know that his words of peace were reaching the next generation. Now, you might want to hold off on Peter Toah for a while. “Light the spliff, light the chalice” might cause you some problems 🙂

  • Snowpeach

    Hi Heather! I just wanted to say hello. On a random post. I’ve been reading your blog for a really long time and have really enjoyed it. Especially all the pictures. But Even more exciting than pictures of Chuck and Coco (and Marlo and Leta! Jon’s pretty cool too, just not the quite same in cuteness) , I’ve just discovered your hate mail section. That is hilarious. I love it. (In the way that the people who take time to write these things, multiple times and in multiple aspects, as it appears, are completely crazy to waste there time like so…and are now achieving the opposite of their intentions.)

  • I loved this post. I could feel the love emanating from your words – for your family. It’s good to see your “soft side” 🙂

    And Bob Marley? At the age of 12 I progressed from David Essex, the Bay City Rollers, Donny Osmond straight onto:

    Bob Marley
    David Bowie
    Peter Frampton (who I fell in love with big style)

    and my father’s reaction to this was,

    “Shit, we are going to have trouble with her, and soon”. Spookily enough, his prediction was 100% accurate.

  • Oh, Heather. We ALL wish we had that power…

    Also. That Leta. She has the cool.

  • Noelle

    I’d totally send you one if I weren’t broke as a joke right now, so instead I’ll send you a link:

    They are little kid shirts and baby onesies that say “B is for Bob” on them with a picture of Bob. I have gotten one for every little person in my life at one time or another – most of their mother’s can’t bare to part with them even after they outgrow them and keep them for ever!

  • lynn

    My very best friend Sue was 12 years older than me and had a teenage son when I met her. She “adotped” my two little 3 and 5 year old girls and all three of them would dance around the pool to Bob Marley music in the summertime. She died at 45 suddenly of an anyersym when the girls were 10 & 8 but to this day every time Marley sings to us we think about her – Don’t Worry About a Thing…….GREAT MUSIC!~

  • linuxchik

    haha, i can only see this post in linux, not windows! i love the new compatibility! /gentoo user

  • I just wanted to say: as many times as I have made an ATTEMPT at leaving a comment, this is the first time it’s actually come to fruition.

    Oh, and I don’t exactly think you were imagining the FBI…you probably WERE surrounded and always had been…you just noticed this time because the weed dropped your inhibitions, aka government-induced haze.

    Not that I have like, severe issues with the government.

    I mean, no less severe than anyone else.

  • Heather

    Nicely written, Heather – and sometimes, nothing but Bob Marley will do.

    Good luck with the big new thing (I’m looking forward to it!), with the writing (ditto!), and with the procrastination (may it do no harm!).

    We’re Top Gear fans at my house, too – plus we got my mom hooked. They once had their moms do a show with them, where the moms evaluated three new compact cars. It was priceless – hilarious and wonderful to see them brought low by their mothers. I think they should do a similar show with their wives and kids. How fast can minivans go around the track? That’s news we need to know!

  • I recently had an appreciative moment with the last scene of The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly. But I wasn’t stoned, and I don’t have any kids. I guess it’s different.

  • HDC

    I don’t twitter so here’s a response to your Top Gear worries: Google ‘hammond jet car’. Little Hamster’s one lucky little bastard, god love him.

  • OK she loves it BUT… does she understand the magic? Like, REALLY understand the magic of Bob Marley?

  • Love it! Can’t wait to see the new site!

  • Anonymous

    Okay. I stupidly read your hate page again. Why do I do that? It just makes me so sad that people are so mean. But the other thing i must say to the haters: WHAT DO YOU THINK THE POINT OF A MOMMY BLOG IS? Heather is sharing stories of motherhood, so we can say coo and say, “oh yes, our kids are fabulous, too? or “oh yes, that crap drive me nuts, too?” Why are people so angry about it? I can’t figure it out. If you think she’s bragging STOP READING. If you think she’s too glib STOP READING. And mostly, just chill the F out.

  • When some people think of Bob Marley they think of dreads & pot. When I hear Bob Marley I think of eating cinnamon toast with my Mother.
    Leta will have that and believe me, it’s a good thing to have. (even without the cinnamon toast.)

  • Heather, you always crack me up. We spent our honeymoon in Jamaica and I think my husband made a comment quite similar to yours about hoping our future children would enjoy Bob Marley. We’re expecting our first child, and I have money on it that my husband will have Bob Marley playing in the delivery room. You just remember that Every Little Ting Is Gonna Be All Right and screw the haters….you’re #26, remember!

    Oh, and I loved seeing you on Dr “Feeeellll” last week! I wish he’d let you talk more. You looked super and your comments were totally appropriate….even when your milk came in, LOL!!

  • Those moments make parenting an awesome trip.

  • Katie

    Do you think you could put that decapitated moose picture on my mother-in-law’s desktop? She is PURE EVOL.

  • Ashley

    Get rid of “Hate” – it’s bad for business.

  • I wished you had psycho super power too…the things you could do. Maybe you could just buy your husband a hat and then you wont have to look at his Drupal…unless of course you want to. By the way I don’t see the picture of the dog. Are you messing with me? I know that out of the zillion readers that read your site you chose me to screw with…I just know it.

  • pinkbrain

    Equally enjoyable is Elizabeth Mitchell’s version of Three Little Birds…

    Now I must put Bob on my ipod for The Bubba to listen to.

  • C. Mathues

    Love the hate mail, great idea! It’s like watching Fox news…very entertaining!

  • Leta’s got good taste! I mean, what other music WOULD you listen to while smoking week? Um, not that I know…

  • good on you for exposing her to the good stuff. we must not let miley cyrus in. nonono.

  • Candace

    The audio of Marlo brought both my dog and cat immediately dead-center in front of me, with the look on their faces saying “What on Earth is that sound?” I can only imagine what it does to Chuck and Coco, or maybe they just tune it out by now.

    For you, I recommend earmuffs. 🙂

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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