the smell of my desperation has become a stench


(Imagine me, cat-like, hanging from the ceiling by all four paws, my entire bloodstream filled with shots of espresso. Like, a demonic Garfield! Meowsies!)

Today is a hugely super dooperly enormous day here at the Blurbodoocery, one where everyone is running around slapping duct tape up here and over there, hoping that the energy emanating from our office doesn’t blow the doors off the house. Although that would kind of be cool as it would give the neighbors something to talk about other than the way that Armstrong woman is always standing on the porch in her pajamas screaming COCO!! as that little skunk runs around the yard barking at grass.

Note: We no longer refer to Coco as Coco. She is always addressed as COCO!!, with lips pursed and a bit of a growl in the throat. It is also the most frequently used word in the house.

I am so excited and thrilled and DEMONICALLY GARFIELDED to announce that I have signed an exclusive development deal with HGTV.

H to the G to the T to the V.


You can see me here! And here is the official press release.

I am joining the HGTV talent family, as they call it, and I could not be more over the moon. I’m all the way to Jupiter. The air is very thin and dry up here.

There are a lot of projects and ideas in my life that I’ve wanted to develop but haven’t had the resources to do so, and HGTV is the perfect partner to help me take this next step. I think what we’re planning to do is going to be fun and spectacular and a fantastic addition to what I already do over here. And yes, I’ll still be posting on my regular schedule here on this Internet Website Blog Thing. Y’all, I would never take Chuck away from you. Unless you started upholstering your couch in denim, and I’d be all, hmm….

I cannot wait to take you all along for this exhilarating ride! Meowsies!

Many thanks to Katie Granju for her stalwart support and role in the project development (you can find her on Twitter at @kgranju). I can’t gush enough about her vision and wisdom. Also, it’s great to know that I have someone in Knoxville who can buy me a bourbon.

Now, back to hanging from the ceiling!

  • Heathers Garden

    2010/01/22 at 10:55 am

    Congratulations! We’ll get to hear that accent all the time now.

  • Absent Minded Housewife

    2010/01/22 at 10:57 am

    I love HGTV!

  • The Christine

    2010/01/22 at 10:58 am

    That’s awesome Heather! I’m happy for you. Gosh Marlo is cute. Can the world handle the dimples? CAN it??

  • lindzut13

    2010/01/22 at 10:58 am

    I refer to HGTV as crack TV. Nothing on the tube? HGTV always has something on.

  • 3xx1xy

    2010/01/22 at 11:00 am

    A W E S O M E !!!!!!

  • hatshepsut

    2010/01/22 at 11:00 am

    I don’t get it, what will you be doing with them? Will you be on tv? Congratulations whatever it is, you seem pretty excited!

  • honeydunce

    2010/01/22 at 11:01 am

    congratulations heather!!!

    long time reader 🙂
    aka Nikki

  • elainamarie

    2010/01/22 at 11:01 am

    Awesome! Congratulations!!

  • shestumbledin

    2010/01/22 at 11:02 am

    That is AWESOME news! Congratulations!!!!

    So, hey, can you do anything about getting them to draw my name for the dream home giveaway?

  • Amanda Patchin

    2010/01/22 at 11:02 am

    Go you!

  • freakydeak

    2010/01/22 at 11:02 am

    That is so awesome! Congratulations and can’t wait to see you on the boob tube…heheee I said boob…

  • labsnabys

    2010/01/22 at 11:04 am

    Congratulations, Heather! I think you will make a great addition to HGTV.

  • LovingDanger

    2010/01/22 at 11:05 am

    Dude, my husband and I seriously love HGTV like maybe more than our kids… did I type that out loud…


  • CarolinaMel

    2010/01/22 at 11:05 am

    That is truly awesome!! I love HGTV.


  • Allie

    2010/01/22 at 11:05 am


  • mrubert

    2010/01/22 at 11:05 am

    Congratulations to you, to Jon and to the whole fam-damly. I wish crocks upon all of your feet in celebration!

  • Melanie Hanly

    2010/01/22 at 11:05 am

    Congrats! I for sure will be watching. Way to go!

  • Kristine

    2010/01/22 at 11:06 am

    They are SMART.

  • curlykew

    2010/01/22 at 11:06 am

    Wooohooo!!! So happy for all of you. What a great opportunity!

  • Alfriston

    2010/01/22 at 11:06 am

    Congratulations on your new venture. Can’t wait to see more.

  • lucidkim

    2010/01/22 at 11:06 am

    wow! that totally rocks! congrats

  • kellyfaboo

    2010/01/22 at 11:07 am

    Congratulations. And it is amusing to see how excited Coco got about it all. Even Chuck started dropping things he was so distracted!

  • eleanorstrousers

    2010/01/22 at 11:11 am

    How freakin’ cool! Congrats- glad your hard work paid off (even though I’m sure there’ll be more hard work ahead). Rock out!

  • laughingsquid

    2010/01/22 at 11:12 am

    Wow, that’s awesome news, congratulations!

  • sybann

    2010/01/22 at 11:12 am

    DAY-UM WOMAN! Dream job! Congrats with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

  • Anu

    2010/01/22 at 11:13 am

    Congratulations! You totally deserve it. Best wishes

  • umi

    2010/01/22 at 11:13 am

    I like the last line of the PR, “Armstrong lives in Salt Lake City with her husband, Jon Armstrong, their two young daughters, and two dogs, Chuck and Coco.” No names for your daughters, but of course it names Chuck and Coco.


  • rwmorey71

    2010/01/22 at 11:14 am

    Wow! That’s fantastic! I can’t wait to see you on TV. Maybe now my wife will become a fan. I’ve been telling her about your blog (and the photos of Chuck) but she doesn’t ever seem to “remember” to look at your site. Now we can watch you and TV and she can see how awesome you are.

  • LibraryDiva

    2010/01/22 at 11:14 am

    OH MY GOD CONGRATULATIONS!!! HGTV is my most favorite channel and now my most favorite blogger will be on it. Wow – talk about delurking in a BIG overexuberant way.

  • jodfoster

    2010/01/22 at 11:14 am

    Congrats Heather and all! This is very exciting and gives me a reason to watch HGTV. Sorry A&E’s Hoarders, there’s a new sheriff in town and her name is Heather B. (mother effin) Armstrong. BE TOLD.

  • jaced

    2010/01/22 at 11:15 am

    Inevitable. Go kill it. Congrats!

  • Esmter

    2010/01/22 at 11:17 am

    the best part of the press release are the comments – is someone at HGTV going to help you fix the tile in your one and only bathroom?


    congrats – no matter what your bathroom tile looks like!

  • CarleeC

    2010/01/22 at 11:18 am

    I am so freakin’ excited! I LOVE HGTV!


  • ATXGirl

    2010/01/22 at 11:19 am

    OMG OMG I don’t have CABLE?!?!? How am I going to watch this??

    Congrats! But now I have to convince my husband that we need our cable back… squeal!

  • medwards

    2010/01/22 at 11:20 am

    YEA!!!! See what happens when you can’t keep your mouth shut and go on line to tell the world what you think! Good things!!! Congrats.

  • mamatabea

    2010/01/22 at 11:20 am

    I DID upholster a couch in denim, can you believe it? And it is GEORGEOUS!!

    Haha, well I can’t wait for more dooce, it’ll be awesome….


  • wellije

    2010/01/22 at 11:21 am

    I wanna program my DVR right NOW!!!!!

  • Kittay Skeezah

    2010/01/22 at 11:22 am

    OH EM GEE Heatherrrrr! Congratulations! This is so awesome. I am obsessed with HGTV and now I have another reason to watch. Yey!

  • jodfoster

    2010/01/22 at 11:23 am

    I also have to wonder if had any idea what it meant for this to be announced to the world. Hope they have enough server monkeys today, ’cause we’re about to bring this mother down! @blurb ought to be happy he doesn’t have to manage their site today 🙂

  • Karla J

    2010/01/22 at 11:26 am

    So happy for you! Can’t wait to watch!

  • madgie

    2010/01/22 at 11:27 am

    I once told my husband that I wished we could only pay for the cable channels that we actually watch. We have no need for about 85% of our DirecTV lineup. The way I see it, I would be quite happy with only HGTV, Bravo, A&E (hello, Hoarders!), and maybe a pay-per-view deal with MTV especially now with the extreme awesomeness of Jersey Shore and Teen Mom (Maci, please dump him.).

    ANYWAY, this is squeal-worthy news! I love your style section and I have no doubt this will be a big success. Just let us know so I can set up my DVR!

  • Peg

    2010/01/22 at 11:27 am

    Wow. WOW. Congratsulations!

  • UtahMom

    2010/01/22 at 11:29 am


    2009 was very fine — here’s to 2010 and beyond!

    (Said in my best Buzz Lightyear impression)

    You are an inspiration to Moms everywhere.

  • devanshi_shah

    2010/01/22 at 11:31 am

    Congratulations! this is just great.. 🙂

  • AJS721

    2010/01/22 at 11:31 am

    In light of this news, I will have to quit my job to stay at home to watch HGTV all day. I will call it “research.” 🙂 SO SO AWESOME. CONGRATS Heather! YAY ARMSTRONGS!!!!!!!!

  • KnoxvilleSweetie

    2010/01/22 at 11:32 am

    Yay! Congratulations! I work for HGTV and I’m glad to see you partnering with us! Welcome to the family!

  • Shelly

    2010/01/22 at 11:33 am

    Very Cool!! I love HGTV……can’t wait to see what you will be doing!!

  • MissCaron

    2010/01/22 at 11:33 am

    CONGRATS!!! 🙂

  • Margot829

    2010/01/22 at 11:33 am

    Yay! Can’t wait to hear what the actual details turn out to be. I’m with AJS721, time to quit job as this will certainly be a time suck. Congrats!

  • HeckYes

    2010/01/22 at 11:35 am

    Oh my heck!!! That is so exciting, congratulations! You are truly a celebrity now.

    Just a heads up though, don’t go saying that you are more famous than Jesus. That doesn’t seem to go over well.

    YAY for you!!!

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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