An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation


(Imagine me, cat-like, hanging from the ceiling by all four paws, my entire bloodstream filled with shots of espresso. Like, a demonic Garfield! Meowsies!)

Today is a hugely super dooperly enormous day here at the Blurbodoocery, one where everyone is running around slapping duct tape up here and over there, hoping that the energy emanating from our office doesn’t blow the doors off the house. Although that would kind of be cool as it would give the neighbors something to talk about other than the way that Armstrong woman is always standing on the porch in her pajamas screaming COCO!! as that little skunk runs around the yard barking at grass.

Note: We no longer refer to Coco as Coco. She is always addressed as COCO!!, with lips pursed and a bit of a growl in the throat. It is also the most frequently used word in the house.

I am so excited and thrilled and DEMONICALLY GARFIELDED to announce that I have signed an exclusive development deal with HGTV.

H to the G to the T to the V.


You can see me here! And here is the official press release.

I am joining the HGTV talent family, as they call it, and I could not be more over the moon. I’m all the way to Jupiter. The air is very thin and dry up here.

There are a lot of projects and ideas in my life that I’ve wanted to develop but haven’t had the resources to do so, and HGTV is the perfect partner to help me take this next step. I think what we’re planning to do is going to be fun and spectacular and a fantastic addition to what I already do over here. And yes, I’ll still be posting on my regular schedule here on this Internet Website Blog Thing. Y’all, I would never take Chuck away from you. Unless you started upholstering your couch in denim, and I’d be all, hmm….

I cannot wait to take you all along for this exhilarating ride! Meowsies!

Many thanks to Katie Granju for her stalwart support and role in the project development (you can find her on Twitter at @kgranju). I can’t gush enough about her vision and wisdom. Also, it’s great to know that I have someone in Knoxville who can buy me a bourbon.

Now, back to hanging from the ceiling!

  • Christina_MT

    Very exciting! Congrats and good luck!

  • kiposevi

    Congratulations!! I would totally watch, but I live in Brooklyn, and no one here who has Cablevision (almost everyone) has HG anymore because of some dispute with the distributor. Boo! Hopefully it will be over soon and they will give us HG back, but in the meantime maybe I can watch online?

    Such exciting news for you! Have fun!

  • Kimberly

    Nice! Congratulations!!

  • Wombat Central

    Yay for you! Congrats. Now I have to figure out how to see it since we have the cheapest of the cheap cable. I wonder if they’ll have it online…

  • saltlakeurbanite

    Congrats Heather!
    I am excited for you, however,
    it would be even more exciting if
    you promise to try to continue to live
    in SLC 🙂 I tend to believe(and I do not think
    I am alone) that you are the balance to this type of
    in our city–so go out into the big world but please,
    for all of us, come back so there is some sanity left

  • napangel

    AWESOME! I cannot wait to watch!

  • michigandreaming

    Congratulations! Your presence at HGTV will only make the network that more addictive! I can’t wait to see what’s in store!!

  • oddFrogg

    Congratulations! I knew it was only a matter of time. I was just reading your blog the other day and thinking “Why aren’t they on TV. This would make a wonderful slice of life style show.” And now here you are. SHAZZAM! Love it!

  • Shelleys_Spoutings


  • elletrain

    SO amazing!! Major congrats. I too think I’ve seen every episode of Designed to Sell. Can’t wait to see you on the HGTV!!!


    Congratulations! As a not so secret, HGTV addict I can’t wait to see you there!

  • Cameron

    This is exciting, and just so you know, there are plenty of people in Knoxville that will buy you a bourbon!

  • kwdesigns

    EFFIN’ A! Way to go – can’t wait to see you on HGTV.

  • gwenlle

    Congratulations! That’s fantastic.

    … You do realize that your dogs are named in the press release, and your children totally aren’t, though, yeah? I mean, I’m sure it could be deliberate, but there’s something a little jarring about reading “Armstrong lives in Salt Lake City with her husband, Jon Armstrong, their two young daughters, and two dogs, Chuck and Coco.”

    Seriously, congratulations, though. I’m supposed to get a DVR/cable install today, and this will be something I will definitely look forward to watching. :o)

  • mllwyllw

    SO exciting!!! Can’t wait!!!

  • Marissa13

    Yeah!!! So excited for you, so proud of you, so excited for me to see you on tv and so sorry for my husband and all the home improvement work in his future.

  • jnudler


  • gojennings

    As a long-time Dooce fan (2003), I’m thrilled to see you continue to take your talents to new levels! Congrats!

  • CeasingGold

    Many, many congratulations – love your Daily Style section on the site and would like to see some of that sort of thing on HGTV as well. One question however: could you possibly translate “social media-driven audience engagement initiatives” into some sort of English? :>) Good luck with the new venture?

  • Sara Carling

    Sweet! Congrats. I’ll be tuning in for sure.

  • TexasKatie

    OMG, Heather! That is FANTASTIC! I am so happy for you, and I will totally be watching HGTV now, even though I never really have watched HGTV. It will now be my most favorite of all channels, now that TLC has turned into the Crazy Channel (used to be my fave but since Jon and Kate and all these little people shows exploded onto the airwaves, I just can’t take it anymore). ANYWAYS, you are going to do amazingly! Congrats again! WOOOOOOHOOOOOWOOOOT!

  • kljmom2

    So stoked for you…and CAN NOT wait for the show! YAY!

  • Mamo

    I am beyond stoked!!! Two of my favorite things together!!


  • pineapple princess

    That’s the golden ticket!

  • jdkjd529

    Can. Not. Wait. So fun!

  • elosquirrel


  • pxlchk1


    That is FABULOUS!!

    It beats the pants off mastitis and PPD! 🙂

    Seriously, I love the example here. Dedicate yourself to creativity, embrace your flaws, laugh at them, be proud of your voice, don’t hide your light under a bushel…take your pick.

    Congratulations. Most sincerely.


  • amandalk

    Amazing! (Am so jealous.)

  • Zach

    Congratulations, Heather! I’m so excited for you!

  • dzymzlzy

    This is like when someone combined peanut butter and chocolate for the first time! Two great tastes that go great together!

  • Sweetscorpion

    LOVE Dooce and LOOOOVE HGTV!!! Can’t wait *freaking out*!

  • LongStoryLonger

    You must want to pinch yourself! Huge congrats to you and your family. You’re going to do great!

  • 1eyedmonkee

    pinky swear you won’t go Jon & Kate on us!

  • laynemarie

    HOLY SHIT! Congratufuckinglations!

  • toddlerknowsbest

    so, will this be available on RedBox? cuz that’s all my cheap ass family allows.

  • rrouse

    You totally rock!

  • 2fatcats

    Yippee, two of my favorite things in the same place! Congrats, Heather!

  • Jen in KC

    Wow! Congratulations!

    I must say that I am a little anxious, though, because now so many people are going to know about you. Don’t forget about us little people…

    Seriously, I’m really happy for you and your family. This is great news. Good luck!

  • linda_keddie

    That’s amazing!!!!!!! You must be SO excited. Congrats!!!
    I check every day for new updates, and can’t wait to see you on HGTV!!!

  • agablack

    You’re a Master Manifester, Heather. So inspiring.
    Can’t wait to see your creations on TV! Kudos to the whole Armstrong team.

  • filmgoerjuan

    Congratulations, Heather & Jon! Hopefully your material will make its way to the Canadian version of HGTV as well!

  • heylady

    *high five*

    I love seeing you take things to the next level! You’re an inspiration!

  • FunMommyK

    Wow – congratulations! Very exciting! I also have watched many many episodes of Sell This House and Curb Appeal – and am quite familiar with house hunting in remote areas of Europe…can’t wait to watch what you have in store!

  • jenniesloan

    congratulations! I can’t wait to see what’s planned.

  • mp


  • lindsaylou

    Congratulations, Heather! Fantastic news!

  • PShizzo

    Ha Ha on all the Dooce haters! Suck it y’all!!!

  • doobrah

    Congratulations! I took a survey last summer asking which bloggers I follow and what I think of them. You were my top choice. 😀

  • twodoghouse

    Congratulations Heather! You (& the family) couldn’t be cuter in that video!

  • RandomAmy

    If you come to Knoxville I will buy you a whole bottle of bourbon and drink it with you! Hurray for HGtv

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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