the smell of my desperation has become a stench

The next adventure

As I’ve mentioned before, one of the main reasons we chose to move (and bought this house specifically) was the need for a better office space. Our office at the last house was slowly caving in under a mass of disorganized files, cables, and Things PR People Send Me That Are More Often Than Not Addressed To Sarah Armstrong.

Hey, Sarah! Is there a reason companies keep sending you hand sanitizer? Oh, right. You keep mentioning that dog who eats her own poop. Understood. Except, why don’t they just send you a new dog?

I remember the first time we walked through the house, how we kept gasping around every turn, and it was all amazing and everything we could ever want in a home. But then we walked into The Office. Capital T. Capital O. And Jon looked at me and I looked at him, and cue the love scene from Top Gun. Except behind the flowing curtains you find both of us naked and licking the walls. And Tom Cruise is just standing there shaking his head going, maybe some people DO need medication.

No, really. It was a romantic moment. That’s the only way I know how to describe it. Like it was speaking out loud and asking, “Where have you guys been? I’ve been waiting all this time.” Is that gross? Did you just pick up a trash can and throw up your breakfast? Not my fault, dude. You better go get a pregnancy test.

The possibilities for this office are so exciting, both in terms of functionality and in terms of design. There’s plenty of space for storage, tons of light, and there’s even a nook where we can hold meetings together, meaning I’ll sit on one side of a couch, Jon will sit the other, and Tyrant will sit across from us and say, “It’s his turn, Heather. Jon, how does this make you feel?”

What’s even more exciting is that when our ad partner found out about the new space, they put us in touch with a sponsor that has been wanting to work with us and was looking for the right opportunity. Note: we’re very picky when it comes to working with sponsors for obvious reasons, among the most noteworthy being that some sponsors like to EDIT or CENSOR, so you know. Any sponsor that works with us has to be comfortable with sweaty goat balls.

And luckily for us, this one is. Enter: Verizon. Just what is it that they are going to sponsor? Well, I want to take you guys behind the scenes with us as we set up and design our office. This includes the orchestral nerdery of setting up our network, the design of the meeting space and desks, the organization of All That Stuff, and a look inside Tyrant’s point of view. No seriously. They have provided him with a smart phone equipped with a camera. And considering how much he likes to exploit my anxieties and thinks it’s funny just how easily I startle, I might not survive this.

You can follow his flickr stream here. (please be nice to him, he’s new to flickr, also don’t believe a single word he says about me)

Words, photos, videos. Meaning I’m going to CGI John Larroquette’s head onto Jon, Gisele Bundchen’s onto mine (in fact, I’ll just go ahead and use her whole body), and for Tyrant? Who is that villain from the bond movies? Oh, right. Jaws.

These posts will be interspersed between all the other goings on here, meaning I’ll be updating normally, and then posts about the office will appear as we make progress. So this certainly doesn’t mean I’ll be depriving you of Chuck or Bobo, and oh! The fact that I had a giant cold sore on my lower lip going into that photo shoot on Tuesday because of all the stress! And when they mentioned that they might be able to cover that up I asked what sort of tricks they could pull with my chin. Turns out they don’t make software for that kind of blemish.

…….

Many thanks to Verizon for helping us take this next step. This house requires a phone on one’s person at all times, so another big thank you to Verizon for the 3 Motorola Droid X phones that help us stay connected during this time of chaos and adjustment as we redo our office. We’ll be sharing some behind the scenes photos and videos over the coming weeks. Learn more about how Verizon helps keep you connected here.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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