An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

The next adventure

As I’ve mentioned before, one of the main reasons we chose to move (and bought this house specifically) was the need for a better office space. Our office at the last house was slowly caving in under a mass of disorganized files, cables, and Things PR People Send Me That Are More Often Than Not Addressed To Sarah Armstrong.

Hey, Sarah! Is there a reason companies keep sending you hand sanitizer? Oh, right. You keep mentioning that dog who eats her own poop. Understood. Except, why don’t they just send you a new dog?

I remember the first time we walked through the house, how we kept gasping around every turn, and it was all amazing and everything we could ever want in a home. But then we walked into The Office. Capital T. Capital O. And Jon looked at me and I looked at him, and cue the love scene from Top Gun. Except behind the flowing curtains you find both of us naked and licking the walls. And Tom Cruise is just standing there shaking his head going, maybe some people DO need medication.

No, really. It was a romantic moment. That’s the only way I know how to describe it. Like it was speaking out loud and asking, “Where have you guys been? I’ve been waiting all this time.” Is that gross? Did you just pick up a trash can and throw up your breakfast? Not my fault, dude. You better go get a pregnancy test.

The possibilities for this office are so exciting, both in terms of functionality and in terms of design. There’s plenty of space for storage, tons of light, and there’s even a nook where we can hold meetings together, meaning I’ll sit on one side of a couch, Jon will sit the other, and Tyrant will sit across from us and say, “It’s his turn, Heather. Jon, how does this make you feel?”

What’s even more exciting is that when our ad partner found out about the new space, they put us in touch with a sponsor that has been wanting to work with us and was looking for the right opportunity. Note: we’re very picky when it comes to working with sponsors for obvious reasons, among the most noteworthy being that some sponsors like to EDIT or CENSOR, so you know. Any sponsor that works with us has to be comfortable with sweaty goat balls.

And luckily for us, this one is. Enter: Verizon. Just what is it that they are going to sponsor? Well, I want to take you guys behind the scenes with us as we set up and design our office. This includes the orchestral nerdery of setting up our network, the design of the meeting space and desks, the organization of All That Stuff, and a look inside Tyrant’s point of view. No seriously. They have provided him with a smart phone equipped with a camera. And considering how much he likes to exploit my anxieties and thinks it’s funny just how easily I startle, I might not survive this.

You can follow his flickr stream here. (please be nice to him, he’s new to flickr, also don’t believe a single word he says about me)

Words, photos, videos. Meaning I’m going to CGI John Larroquette’s head onto Jon, Gisele Bundchen’s onto mine (in fact, I’ll just go ahead and use her whole body), and for Tyrant? Who is that villain from the bond movies? Oh, right. Jaws.

These posts will be interspersed between all the other goings on here, meaning I’ll be updating normally, and then posts about the office will appear as we make progress. So this certainly doesn’t mean I’ll be depriving you of Chuck or Bobo, and oh! The fact that I had a giant cold sore on my lower lip going into that photo shoot on Tuesday because of all the stress! And when they mentioned that they might be able to cover that up I asked what sort of tricks they could pull with my chin. Turns out they don’t make software for that kind of blemish.


Many thanks to Verizon for helping us take this next step. This house requires a phone on one’s person at all times, so another big thank you to Verizon for the 3 Motorola Droid X phones that help us stay connected during this time of chaos and adjustment as we redo our office. We’ll be sharing some behind the scenes photos and videos over the coming weeks. Learn more about how Verizon helps keep you connected here.

  • KKW

    So does this mean my recent rant about Verizon in the Community will be eradicated? 😉

  • genya

    Heather.. Sara… same thing but no, not at all.

    Reminds me of the time someone asked me after I told them my name if my name was Jellybean. Dead seriously.

    Cool deal with Verizon. I wish we had such fancy fandangled cell options in Canada. We’re getting there with Wind Mobile!

  • deege

    As usual, I had a mouthful of water when I read the naked-wall-licking comment. Naturally, water spewed everywhere, all the down the front of me, at the same moment the doorbell rang with the mom of one of my daughter’s friends at the door.

    Damn you, sweaty goat balls.

  • Braidwood

    Just call me Janice…

    When you said Verizon, I couldn’t help but think of this scary deal they and Google have going.

    Please check it out everyone and tell Google, “Don’t be evil.”

    And while you’re at it, please tell your representatives that you are in favor of Net Neutrality:

  • jon

    @KKW, Nope.

    @Braidwood, have you seen this:

    If you want to talk about it publicly, why don’t you ask a question in the community? Net neutrality is a big deal, but this post isn’t the best place to talk to about it. You’d get a lot more response in the community (and it’s one of the reasons we set up the community).

  • TexasKatie

    @Jon, I am happy to hear that you will be using affordable items to furnish the office! Don’t worry – I will definitely stay tuned. I couldn’t stay away for long! 🙂 I am glad that you aren’t going out and buying $2,000 desks just because you can (although if I could, I would – lol). Then again, sometimes the most fun part about decorating a home is doing it on a budget and finding beautiful things on the cheap. It is cool that you still stick to your personal style while being modern and current and fun.

    So definite thumbs up on that! 🙂

  • Kristen from MA

    So Verizon doesn’t want to edit or censor content, eh? Let’s test that, shall we?

    How do you and Jon feel about the proposed Google-Verizon internet deal, which will end Net Neutrality, effectively changing the internet forerver?

    Looking forward to seeing how you design your space.

  • MJBUtah

    I hope they use that in their next ad campaign:


  • jon

    @Kristen from MA, you need to read my response to @Braidwood above (click to read).

  • gavintiegirl

    I live in Tampa, Florida and Verizon is awesome. I have excellent service. I am planning to get the new Droid in September. I use the iPhone for everything but a phone since AT&T stinks in Florida. It would be nice to have them both in one via Verizon. I heard the Droid will give me this experience.

    And I miss Leta too! 😉 Although BoBo is awesome!

    CAPTCHA: heed! loathe

  • gavintiegirl

    @MJBUtah: I would fall off my chair and die laughing!

  • gavintiegirl

    Just a random thought/question that I think many of us readers have/think:

    We all know that all good things come to an end eventually, so what is “Plan B” for Dooce and family if someday the Internet just isn’t the thing anymore? 😉

  • AshesVonDust

    Ooh, you all got Motorola Droids?! My fiance has that phone (called the Milestone here in Canada)

    SWEEEEET. That is one fantastic phone right there.

    No offense to Jon, but iPhone? Take notes.

  • AshesVonDust

    Also, genya, we have plenty of options, they just usually get branded differently and go by different names here in Canada. And we usually get them a few months later than the states.

    And I just checked, the Droid X doesn’t have a keypad, right? The Milestone my fiance has has a slide-out full keyboard. And dual flash. I dunno if there is dual flash on your phones, but Tyrant’s pics are rather darker than my fiance’s turn out. Maybe it’s just the lighting.

  • jon

    @gavintiegirl, I’m thinking that if the internet doesn’t work out, a semi-nude or all nude ice skating revue is one option. Been a long week over here.

    @AshesVonDust, I think we are still learning the best way to take photos with the Droid, so bear with us! Not all the office photos will be taken with the Droid, just the behind the scenes shots.

  • Jan13

    Lurked for a long time; love the blog!

    So, I have to ask how do you square the Verizon sponsorship with the Google/Verizon deal to make the internet essentially a “pay to play” environment? It seems like this would be a direct hit to most websites, bloggers included, who will not have the vast financial resources of a corporation to pay to have their pages load more quickly. Come to think of it, if they sponsor you, then maybe you will benefit from their resources. Hmmm…. interesting to think about the implications….

  • Enatural7

    I love the office! I can’t wait to see what you guys do with this space.

    And Jon, my husband is totally jealous. He is an IPhone guy but, TOYS ARE TOYS AND YOU HAVE MORE TO PLAY WITH!!! (I realize that should be more with which to play or something like that, but that sounds weird, you know?)

  • EarlGreyHot

    Boy, do I ever wish people would read the existing comments BEFORE they feel the need to add their opinion. Snark only works if you’re a) first and b) not already refuted before you even touch your fucking keyboard.

  • Star

    Nice phones! Now root them so you can enjoy them!

  • AshesVonDust

    Jon, cool, thanks for the response 🙂

    I’m glad there will be regular photos as well, I like to see all the details that get put into spaces (details are what make a space, apparently!)

    On second view, I think the Droid X and the Milestone are a bit different, but essentially the same. I thought at first it was the exact same phone. Either way, Motorola is really getting back onto the market in a big way; they had a bit of a lapse there for a few… years… *cough* The market is awesome now though, so many choices! I love how it has really opened up!

  • Ranger

    Strange how the same questions come up even after answers to them already appear in the posts. It’s as if an “Aha, Igotcha” moment occurs and occurs and occurs . . .

    I should call myself AnotherRangerNotTheRelatiive.

  • lizneilvoss

    @AshesVonDust, from the way you’re describing it, the Milestone sounds the same as the Droid ( The Droid X ( just came out last month.

    I wasn’t sure how I would feel about not having an actual keyboard, but I’m actually liking it quite a bit! Even though the Droid X is big (HUGE screen), it’s not bulky or heavy, which is great!

  • hapi07

    I am kinda surprised they would strike up a deal when you guys are iPhone junkies. I mean I’m glad you get a chance to see that Droid X is WAY better and the coverage and service blows AT&T away but… you have your other phones with AT&T? If you can just hang on you will soon get your iPhones with VZW coverage BUT a lot of people are picking the Droids over the iPhone.

    Anywaayyyyyy, have fun with the office AND the new phones! 🙂

  • Blahggy

    “Orchestral nerdery” is my new favorite phrase. And I cannot WAIT to see what is happening with The Office! I have watched WAY TOO MUCH HGTV (if that’s possible) staying home with my new bay-bay and have been thinking about revamping my office (little “m,” little “o”), so maybe I’ll get some ideas! Although, my office, I’m sure, is considerably smaller. But it does have French doors!

  • Erika from Canada

    I thought, Jon and Heather, that you would both enjoy this line from a Droid review on Gizmodo.

    “Dipped in clarified cyborg testosterone as it comes off the assembly line, the Droid X is sci-fi machismo congealed into a phone.”

  • kaethend

    First, not that it needs to be said, but it needs to be said: good for Leta. It’s great you’re giving her a voice, even if it means not hearing her here.

    Second – boo hoo! – I got to know you via Leta and Leta via you when I first starting reading – in TWOTHOUSANDFIVE?! How can that be. This marks the end of an era!

    Please do tell her thanks for sharing thus far; your lives have had a tremendous impact on mine. I am ever grateful.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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