Playful, elegant, and not above the judicious use of the word “shit."

Order Araneae, Class Arachnida

Me: “Oh my god, it’s 7:10! How did we sleep in so late?! Where’s Leta? Is the baby still alive?”

Jon, awake and calmly reading the news on his iPad at the other side of the bed: “Everything’s fine. The baby is still asleep. I think I heard Leta get up and turn on the television.”

Me: “She didn’t come into our room last night and sleep on the floor?”

Jon: “Nope.”

Me: “That’s awesome! That’s progress. What a huge step!”

Jon: “Well, I did tell her last night that she had a better chance of escaping the spiders by remaining high up on her bed.”

Me: “What?”

Jon: “You know, spiders like to crawl on the ground.”

Me: “So you basically threatened her with spiders.”

Jon: “No, I threatened her with science.”

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