An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

And lo, an office was born

Yesterday we put the final touches on the office makeover, meaning I went out to the trash, dug out the Tiki head Tryant so casually tossed out, and set it back on the shelf in his office:

The Tiki Planter

He just better be happy I didn’t take the whole theme to the extreme and set a palm tree in the window next to a plastic figurine of a barely dressed woman doing the hula. Because they would have totally blocked his view of the shirtless Mormon boys who mow our yard every Tuesday.

Going into this project I didn’t have any idea how much work it would involve to design the space, and now that I’m on this side and can look back at it, all I have to say is boy, do I ever need a hot dog.

There were just so many logistics and tight ropes and hoping that this or that would be delivered in time. Not big problems, no, just really time consuming and having to be at home between eight and ten or five and nine so that we didn’t miss the delivery truck. Which is not normally a big deal when you’re working from home, except when you’re actively going to marriage counseling, primarily because of the stress of designing and filming an office remodel, your daily calendar starts to eat your face off.

But it’s all good news! Because it’s done! And Leta tried a bagel at school!

Without further ado, here’s our new office:

Next week I’m planning to do an exhaustive post on all the furniture and accessories I chose and where I found them, so if you see anything in particular you want me to address let me know in the comments. Also, you’re more than welcome to tell me how awful it looks, that the tile doesn’t match, or that WE WILL ALL DIE! And in return I can pop my Peter Pan head in from time to time and tell you to suck it.

  • wss

    this would be perfect for tyrant’s desk:

  • Angrymermaid

    I simply adore you and I believe you to be genius. I love the office! Love the video! Love the new hair! and I think you guys totally rock donkey balls.

    I’ve been reading you for many years now…and I’m not sure if you’re aware but you and I are great friends…I’m so very happy for you! Please keep posting.


  • apostate

    Congrats on the bagel. Today was beef stroganoff at my kid’s school. I’m on the edge of my seat waiting to learn how it went. (Oh… your office stuff is interesting too, of course!)

  • Wombat Central

    Oh, hai Coco and Chuck!

    Can’t wait to hear from whose sale bin you plucked those pillows. Love them.

    This *really* makes my office/sewing room/scrapbooking storage/piano room look totally white trash. {sigh}

  • juliejackson

    Awww, that cross stitch brought a tear to my eye. I’m honored to be a part of the redo, instead of tossed out on the curb like a tiki head. xo

  • Chriss

    How twisted am I that I went to read the comments first before watching the video? Like omg, let’s see how crazy folks get today!

  • cornshake

    love love the office redo. So much gorgeous light!! Please mention where you got that amazing big and tall white floor lamp that curves so beautifully into the living space. Tres sexy!

  • crooked_teeth

    Wow, it looks amazing. Wise choice keeping the walls white; paint would break up the space, when the walls and nooks do a good job of that as it is. This way, it looks pulled together and cool.

  • cateyb

    It is beautiful, sophisticated, fun and functional. I would kill for that much space! I’m re-designing our “bonus room” over our garage into an office/craft/family room and I’m totally going to steal your ideas!!

    That room is worth going to marriage counselling for!!

  • katszeye

    Looks great! You also did a great job narrating and editing the video. Looking forward to seeing all of the product info. I am particularly interested in the sitting room chairs.

  • sabina

    Can I have the tiki head??? Pleeeeeeease??? I’m serious. I’m willing to make a small donation.

  • Clarkware

    The office looks FANTASTIC. I’m dying to know where you got the white drawer unit, the drapes and the light in the sitting area. Job well done!!!

  • brat6696

    LOVE it!!!!…next thing you know there will be a decorating with Heather show!!!

  • sarahfromthenorth

    hmm….. I cannot see the video 🙁 it’s just a teeny square white thing!

  • d3 voiceworks

    at the risk of getting a troll/blocked avatar (bwah ha ha! that was funny!!), i have to say i really liked what i saw and wow! what an office …. but the video was pretty, pretty sucky. it was hard to watch, all fuzzy and dissolvey and zoomy.

  • Caro

    I love it. The best part for me was seeing that guy putting up the Blurbodoocery sticker on the window.

    You guys are an inspiration in how to make our lives different spheres blend into one and other. That working\living\parenting don’t have to be so compartmentalized. I think it is the wave of the future. Love your hair Heather, it suits your personality and flatters your features perfectly.


  • Pixie

    The whole project turned out soooooo beautiful! The nooks and coves worked out great. Can you even believe you got this far? When will we get to see the rest of the house? 😉

  • Kristabell

    It is a beautiful office. Anyone would love to work there. I’m so glad you took hold of it and designed it because otherwise it would have been all maple/cherry wood and cables/papers/crap everywhere. You done good!

  • Moomser

    I’ve been reading your blog archives for a few days now and I just finished the posts on the kitchen remodel before Leta’s birth and this whole past / present parallelism is kind of funny. Seriously, from pregnant with sledge hammer wielding husband to high powered business woman. Good for y’all! (Though I’m totally amazed at how versatile your husband was)
    Also, just wanted to say that Billy Zoom is right, of course you have to go to counselling, what with your eyebrows sticking out and all! 😉

  • Adrasteia

    I’m just sad your ass didn’t make a cameo, Heather. I demand more butt in my videos! Especially since evidently Utah is known for hot Mormon types of it.

    Do you not have issues with dust getting on your camera lenses that are sitting out? I love how they’re displayed, I just wonder if that might be a concern. Also, how come your desk name thingy says Heather Hamilton and not Armstrong? It’s 4pm at work and I’m BORED. So that is the type of question I ask. Feel free to not answer!

  • reymiland

    So the tyrant likes Mormon boys huh?

  • apostate

    I just cleaned out my closet and threw out 2 “I <3 Mormon Boys" T shirts. They're ladies' fitted Ts size medium.
    Do you think they would fit Tyrant? I haven't sent them to DI yet. Actually, I wonder if DI would want them. Maybe Crossroads Urban Center instead. Hmmmmm.

  • skull

    love it!

    where did you get the picture in the studio?

  • kimmik

    love it! I would be really interested in the sourcing for your storage – shelves, drawers, cabinets. My office needs help! It’s early college dorm (very early, pre-Ikea).

  • Laura in Paradise

    Heather you did an AMAZING job. Previewing the space conjured up a montage of memories from the couple of years I spent in San Francisco, my all time favorite city of all time. Ever. 🙂 I almost wept! I’m sure that is the way you were feeling as well, as I noticed your eyes were a bit reddish. Hang in there!

    Candice Olson should be getting tips from you!

  • tksinclair

    At first I thought NO. NO,NO,NO,NO…but, then I said, okay. And by the end I said YES. YES,YES,YES,YES.

    I wasn’t sure about those “privacy” board thingy’s although I hate cords and wires but really I LOVE eclectic and by the time you got around to the sitting, lounging area it all made sense.

    It’s a great space although doesn’t look “worked in” right now. A little too sterile for a work environment…I mean what could a serious person possibly get done there?!?!? But Jon will most likely fix that soon.

    I’m going to have to get up and clean my boring cluttered office now. Damn.

    Oh btw did you read the post where the person said “I know why you need counseling?” OMG. I am almost sure they were serious. Like seriously serious. I’m…I’m speechless.

    What the…why could..wh…huh? That person was kidding right?

    I’m … well, I have to go now because that just made my head hurt so MUCH I can’t take do you keep from writing nasty emails to people like that calling them horrible nasty names? Gawd. She knows now WHY YOU NEED COUNSELING???! God help us all…

  • Palesa

    I love the first decal of the wolf or dog on the wall…please let me know where you got that when you talk about where you got everything!

    The office looks fab, hope you enjoy working in it 🙂

  • leftylucy

    I have been looking for a bulletin board like that black recycled one…def would love to know where it came from.

  • Norabloom

    What a lovely space in which to work. I especially like the seating area, and like a lot of other people, would like to know where you got the lamp and the colorful pillow on the couch. A couple of questions: first, what made you decide to go with a traditional rug in the sitting area rather than something more modern and geometric, and, second, what was the reasoning for making the modesty panels higher than the desks? Initially, I wasn’t sure that aspect worked, but then I wondered if it was to hide the clutter on Jon’s desk when you are in the sitting area (something a panel cut to desk height wouldn’t do). All and all, I really like it, and I suspect it will develop a more lived-in appearance over time. Nice job!

  • shoe freak

    NICE! And props to Jon on some great video editing!!!

  • Remembrance

    WOW. My favourite part is the office living space. It’s absolutely gorgeous. I love the drapes, the vase/flowers against the wall and the couches in particular. Oh, the red/white pillow too. Please do talk about it. Although, I am in no shape to ever redesign anything. I will live vicariously through you instead.

  • knolting

    Fantabulous! I adore Jon’s title. I strive to one day be the Chief Awesomeness Officer somewhere. Keep up the kicking of ass, dooce. 🙂

  • KatR

    These videos about your design process have been really interesting, and man, some folks are bitchy.

  • Scivolare

    The office looks amazing! It’s such a great space. Honestly? I’m still just really curious about the light fixture in your breakfast nook. Do you have any information on it?? Thanks!

  • Wa

    What? No hat rack for the tin foil hats you can disperse to visiting Mormons?

  • AshesVonDust

    I -love- the Blurbodoocery Inc window! Amazing! 😀
    Everything is so gorgeous. I totally get the rug now, it confused me so much before. Yep, now I see it.

    This remodel is so successful that I think, at least temporarily, NO ONE WILL DIE. Maybe for a minute, but STILL! 😀

  • AshesVonDust

    Also, yeah, love the hair. Do whateverthefuck you want with it! I just buzzed the left half of my head on a whim and it looks badass. Besides, hair GROWS. If it looked shite, ah well, it’ll grow back! Never hurts to experiment (except that one time I went to a First Choice Haircutter’s place and I left looking like Rosie O’Donnel when she sued her magazine company… Eek! I admit, I cried) (Even though I love Rosie)

    What does it mean when your eyebrows stick out too far? I don’t get it. Your eyebrow hairs are too long? Your forehead protrudes? WHAT?!?!

  • rparton

    The office is lovely, but the real purpose of my comment is to ask if you’ve ever read … it is hilarious & totally doocesque humor.

  • Bryony Boxer

    I’m loving everything about it.

  • Norabloom

    @rparton – I think hyperboleandahalf is a fantastic blog, too, but I wouldn’t characterize it as “doocesque.” Allie has a unique sense of humor and way of seeing the world, plus she’s a talented cartoonist. Dooce is hilarious, too, of course, but they’re completely different, at least in my opinion.

  • FlushedFace

    Love the globes. Love the “meeting area”. I bet Jon’s desk is already a mess. lol. Drop the script. Just adlib. The video felt too stiff. And Jon’s intro at the beginning… lol. You guys should just talk with your normal voices. All this stilted “presentation” stuff is just not you. I’m longing for the videos from the “Croc wars” days. Now that was a classic Dooce video!

  • gcostaki

    Is this where you chain up your children and slap them around?


Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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