the smell of my desperation has become a stench

With a side of ibuprofen

It started last week when Leta’s tummy ache transformed into three huge heaves of orange Gatorade puke all over my lap. Then Marlo got diarrhea two days later. The following morning Chuck puked six times, once on the most expensive piece of furniture in our house. No, dogs can’t catch the flu, BUT PLAY ALONG WITH ME HERE.

Jon got diarrhea an hour later. Yesterday I puked seven times.

Santa came early to our house!

I’m going to try to get a picture of all of us smiling and acting as if we don’t feel like we’re on the verge of death, and if I do I’ll post it here. In the meantime, we’re all leaking and regurgitating and OMG WHAT IS THAT, STOP.

Happy holidays, if you are celebrating any!

The Armstrongs

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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