the smell of my desperation has become a stench

New Tunes Tuesday – The Me

This week we’re taking a bit of a detour into something that is simultaneously brilliant and mortifying. It takes A LOT to make me uncomfortable which should come as no surprise since I’ve written extensively about my episiotomy and the fact that I saw Milli Vanilli in concert and truly thought that they had sung beautifully, and then how my heart broke into pieces when I found out the truth.

In October of 2008 I published some of the journal entries I kept during my freshman year in college, including one with the following passage:

I think the weather has a lot to do with these complacent feelings I’m experiencing. Is it snow or just albino raindrops? Can’t tell.

I just, the… I mean… you guys, I associated the words “albino” and “raindrops” and wrote them in earnest on a piece of paper to describe my feelings.

It’s like a wedgie in the form of poetry.

One of Jon’s friends from high school, Pat Munson, read that entry, saw that word association and wrote a song about it. HE WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT. And then he raised enough money through Kickstarter to film a music video.

BEHOLD: “Albino Raindrops”

(Note: regardless of the fact that the song and video are both excellent, when I watch this I want to rock back and forth sobbing in a corner as I dig the wedgie out of my butt.)

  • Sarah Brown

    2011/04/12 at 12:41 pm

    Well, you know I love this.

  • Dani

    2011/04/12 at 12:51 pm

    Wow that is the most flatering and creative public humilation I’ve ever witnessed.

  • Michelle_GEE

    2011/04/12 at 12:53 pm

    I love the “Breakfast Club” spin. Well played, Pat Munson, well played.

  • dawdawsmom

    2011/04/12 at 12:59 pm

    so…do you get royalties off of this? =o)

  • sarahhawley

    2011/04/12 at 1:04 pm

    I’m embarrassed for you. And unfortunately, I can relate (not via a video and excellent song, but with the at-the-time-super-self-aware-and-totally-cringe-worthy journal entries)

  • sugarleg

    2011/04/12 at 1:17 pm

    I demand an Albino Raindrops tee-shirt.

  • Amy J.

    2011/04/12 at 1:31 pm

    You know I love you Heather…


    …when I watched that I literally put my face in my hands, started shaking it back and forth and nervously giggling,at which point I said, out loud, to no one, since I’m alone, “OMG, that’s so bad in so many ways.”

    Huge cringe factor sweetie. Sorry. And the exact reason no one besides my husband has ever seen my heartfelt, several pages long, letter to Michael Jackson that I wrote when I was 12! 😉

    That shit always comes back to haunt you. Always, LOL. (especially if you share it with like a million people or so, lol). And now, albino raindrops shall haunt me as well. Thanks alot Heather : ).

    I really hope you like that dude who wrote the song, otherwise I’d kick him in the nuts…or have Jon do it.

  • Amy J.

    2011/04/12 at 1:39 pm

    Of course, nothing is more cringe inducing than that pee in the bed thing you posted the other day. When I shared it with friends a raging debate started over whether or not that kid singing was a boy or a girl. Not to mention the huge question of whether Mormons are more odd than hillbillies! I’ll check my Facebook, but I still think the debate is going on, even days later.

  • TxSuzyQ

    2011/04/12 at 1:46 pm

    Watching the Albino Raindrops Video gave me the distinct feeling of being Rickrolled and I’m not sure why.


  • KatieKat484

    2011/04/12 at 1:46 pm

    holy crap. That’s just…amazingly-cringe-worthy. And flattering.
    And I agree, there needs to be a t-shirt.

  • tokenblogger

    2011/04/12 at 1:50 pm

    Brit Pop overload.

  • santa barbara

    2011/04/12 at 1:56 pm

    “had to come to god’s own school to learn the devil’s name…”

    awesome. that’s all i can really say.

  • CathyJean

    2011/04/12 at 1:58 pm

    I love this video and song! As a 1985 HS grad, I pretty much dig anything ’80s. But the idea of portraying the Breakfast Clubbers as adults is brilliant. And that the burner gets together with the misfit makes me go “yay!” (Instead of with the prom queen.) The Psychedelic Furs feel of the song makes me all swoony. (Love The Cure guy, too–perfect!)

  • littlewords

    2011/04/12 at 2:03 pm

    Wow, I was going to say: “I can’t decide which that song/video was channeling more: The Cure or Psychedelic Furs.”

    Then I read the last comment.
    You beat me to it, 13!
    *Shakes Fist*

  • salvationamy

    2011/04/12 at 2:23 pm

    Holy cow, that is about infinity kinds of awesome! Wear it with pride!

  • Norabloom

    2011/04/12 at 2:32 pm

    I’ve seen this video several times now and the song keeps growing on me. They did a fantastic job with both the music and video. Oh, and can I just brag that I am good friends with the cute James Spader look-alike reading Less than Zero? : )

  • nanda panda

    2011/04/12 at 3:10 pm

    Wow, so brilliantly dead-pan– The Birth of Emo? This guy needs to be on MadTV or SNL. Um, hope the wedgie doesn’t stick, Heather!

  • ritchjc

    2011/04/12 at 3:45 pm

    Greatest! Song! Ever! I am sorry for your humiliation but thank you for sharing that with the world! I love the Breakfast Club/Strangers with Candy combo!

  • jon

    2011/04/12 at 4:07 pm

    Pat is a great guitarist and songwriter. Of any musician I’ve known, he has the best ear and can transcribe songs with an accuracy that is uncanny. As in alien superpower uncanny.

  • getgoinggirly2

    2011/04/12 at 5:08 pm

    oh just the thought of the furs gives me chills but i have to say this song makes me think of earth shoes more than wedgies

  • Jen Cottrell

    2011/04/12 at 5:21 pm

    Freaky shit, Heather. Do you realize that your “Mortified” post received 666 comments?

    THAT’S FUCKING WEIRD. I think it was Satan’s way of talking smack to you. 🙂

  • misheru

    2011/04/12 at 5:52 pm

    The question is, how many people will get the 1980s references? I saw Breakfast Club, Some Kind of Wonderful and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. VERY cringe-worthy, and I say that in a nice way. 🙂

    The cool thing is this: one woman’s cringe is another man’s Psychedelic Fur-fueled inspiration. Can’t get better than that.

  • Balkan Girl Down Under

    2011/04/12 at 7:52 pm

    Hahahahahah…OMG. “Albino tears”?!


    Yowza! I’m at work and YouTube is blocked…dammit! Will check out the vid later at home (DUH). Freakin’ awesome that Pat made a song and video out of it, hee!

  • Daffodil Campbell

    2011/04/13 at 12:46 am

    Wow….that made me uncomfortable – but at the same time I was totally mesmerized. Like The Cure + John Hughes got together and made something FANTASTIC.

    The experience called to mind a snowy night years ago. I went to see my brother’s a capella group perform at MIT – and he sang Material Girl.

    I didn’t see that one coming.

    I couldn’t watch BUT I COULDN’T STOP WATCHING.

    This video had a similar effect – I was all into it, and then I would hear a lyric and freeze. “Had to come to God’s own school to learn the devil’s name” huh? Wowzers.

  • kandrusz

    2011/04/13 at 5:10 am

    This is all kinds of awesome. I cannot be the only person who is inspired by this to wish that their local community theater puts on an altered production of “The Breakfast Club” with all middle-aged actors. I mean, without violating copyrights or whatever. THAT would be amazing. Thanks Dooce. (Wait, could John Hughes have a copyright on fingerless gloves, plaid vests and Pixie Stix?)

  • MissCaron

    2011/04/13 at 6:11 am

    Oh my goodness! Love the fact that they channeled Breakfast Club… and the song is quite catchy… but, dude, that’s amazing that someone has done something so creative with something you’ve written. Must feel pretty good! 🙂

  • SuburbanPrairie

    2011/04/13 at 7:51 am

    Flashbacks. FLASHBACKS!

  • Kristi

    2011/04/13 at 8:13 am

    Song and video are both AWESOME!
    LOVE, love, love the Breakfast-Club-adult theme, what a great idea.
    Don’t worry about the cringe factor, Ms. Dooce. We’ve ALL had cringes, and I bet most of them are way worse than “albino raindrops.”

  • popuxxl3

    2011/04/13 at 10:12 am

    nice article indeed . very informative.

    triciclete | rafturi metalice | afaceri

  • ahrusso

    2011/04/13 at 10:19 am


  • jacqueline

    2011/04/13 at 1:09 pm

    I want a tee-shirt, too.

    @Amy J: Play nice. And it’s “a lot,” not “alot.”

  • gretchie

    2011/04/13 at 6:04 pm

    One day, we’ll all look back on this, mumble some awkward things and quickly change the subject.

    BTW, love the Adam Ant/Breakfast Club mash-up.

  • Mrs_Wormwood

    2011/04/13 at 6:21 pm

    Love it! Bravo, that your writing inspired something equally wonderful.

  • Theresa4

    2011/04/13 at 6:44 pm

    OMG! This is ALL kinds of freakin’ awesome!!!!

  • ttwiix

    2011/04/14 at 7:56 am

    Is it just me or does the guy in the vest look like Luke from Gilmore Girls?

  • pinkiepie

    2011/04/14 at 8:52 am

    Well it made me smile, truly…so maybe that helps, I really thought it was great how one little (embarrasing) comment can turn into a music video! What creative friends you have, I have one creative friend who knitted my baby a cap once, but so far no music vids. you rock albino snowflake momma!

  • arabellasmum

    2011/04/14 at 11:33 pm

    Hilarious, and I will have that tune in my head for the next 28 years. Very ’80s, very Adam Ant lead, love that the principals are in advanced ages but playing high school B.S. So funny!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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