the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Just in time for Easter

Yesterday I became a Godmother. The parents of my Godchildren didn’t know they were choosing me to take care of their babies should anything happen to them. In fact, they weren’t planning on appointing a Godparent or caretaker whatsoever. And I was all, Kate, stop being selfish and LET ME HAVE THIS ONE JOY IN LIFE.

You guys, meet the new members of our family:

Technically, they aren’t a part of our family, or at least, Jon won’t let me say that out loud. They live with Kate and her husband Dave, but I can visit them when I want to (I wish I was over there right now)(I may have to check on them in the middle of the night to make sure they’re okay)(My phone is ringing, I bet it’s Kate asking me to sleep on her couch in case she needs help)(This isn’t creepy at all).

They got five chicks, including one named Alice:

Unfortunately, several hours after bringing Alice home they discovered that she was actually a he. And since their home is in a neighborhood that isn’t zoned for roosters, she had to take him back. Oh, Alice! There will always be a place in my heart saved for you! Also! I don’t believe Jon when he said that they would kill you once returned because he read about the horrific rooster-killing epidemic among chicken farming! A LIE!

Fly, little Alice! FLY!

This one is called Maisie:

She’s named after Maisie Dobbs, the book series about an English detective that Kate introduced to me. She says she named her this because she seems smart and independent. I said, really? You can tell that about a chicken? And she said, yes, you just have to ignore the part where she eats and lives in her own shit.

They haven’t named the others yet, although she did ask her son Luke what he wanted to name one of them. He answered, “Chicken.” I said that wasn’t so bad considering if we asked Leta she’d say, “Disgusting.”

  • rowdydog

    2011/04/21 at 1:05 pm

    Those will taste yummy in a year or so!!!

  • miching

    2011/04/21 at 1:07 pm

    ahh chicks! so very cute when they’re little. keep them away from Jack Russells… trust me!

  • Oakgirl

    2011/04/21 at 1:14 pm

    If Jon allows Baby Rambo to live in your home, I can’t understand why he has a problem with a few feathers in the backyard. Don’t worry, you’ll break him down soon enough. They’re gorgeous!

  • Daddy Scratches

    2011/04/21 at 1:20 pm

    I’m always so happy when something involving a rooster comes up, because it gives me a chance to say, “Hey, that’s a fine looking cock you’ve got there!” or something of that sort. Also, I’m 12.

    Happy Easter!

  • Heather O

    2011/04/21 at 1:53 pm

    They’re soooo cute! I got my mom a box of chicks for Mother’s Day when I was 12. Ordered them through the mail. Let’s just say she was not impressed when the Post Master called and said her package was chirping.


  • WebSavyMom

    2011/04/21 at 1:59 pm

    –>I’d name them:
    Fried Steak

  • tuckeremma123

    2011/04/21 at 2:14 pm

    Oh my gosh, Can you imagine Marlo with these?
    I think Chuck would love them though. Coco? Not so sure…

  • Tiffany1982

    2011/04/21 at 3:20 pm

    My aunt has a small farm of 5 cows, 2 goats, 3 cats, 3 dogs and approx. 300 chickens/quails/button quails. If you wanna see something adorable, google ‘button quail chicks”. CUTEST THINGS EVER.

  • kristinaj21

    2011/04/21 at 3:31 pm

    Ohhhh! So jealous! I have always, always, always wanted a chick. I’m from Chicago and the Museum of Science and Industry hasa whole section devoted to chicks, and it was always my favorite part as a kid. My husband and I went there last year and at the age of 28, he had to drag me away from the glass case with all the little chicks in it. I could have sat there all day and watched their antics 🙂 Give them cuddles, that’s what I always want to do!

  • janenyy26

    2011/04/21 at 3:56 pm

    They’re adorable. And tell Jon it could be worse: you could want a flock of geese. Now THAT would be a pain in the ass.

  • jacqueline

    2011/04/21 at 4:01 pm


  • ADDGirl

    2011/04/21 at 4:04 pm

    we had chickens when I was growing up.. Just get lots of cute fuzzy pictures now because they sure go through an ugly phase.

  • tiswat

    2011/04/21 at 4:10 pm

    Maybe Alice is not into typical rooster behavior?

    So still 3 other chicks to name, right?
    I think Hortense sounds good, and Adele, and Pluisje.

    They are pretty and fluffy, and a tidbit stupid. Wonderful beings.

  • littlebobina

    2011/04/21 at 4:10 pm

    Some of them look like they are Arucanas… They lay blue and green eggs!

  • kindofnormal

    2011/04/21 at 4:17 pm

    I want chickens! They are so cute! You seriously have to bring one home in your pocket someday soon, before they get too big to fit in your pockets!

  • mkdsmall

    2011/04/21 at 5:09 pm

    …”their home is in a neighborhood that isn’t zoned for roosters?!” I obviously live in an area that is too urban/suburban since I have no idea why chickens would be OK and roosters would not. Is it all the cockadoodledooing?

    I love baby ducks just like you and Kate love chickens!

  • nancy houver

    2011/04/21 at 5:16 pm

    Cute chicks! Heather, could I do a painting of one of those photos? I can’t have chickens where I live.???

  • mandinka

    2011/04/21 at 5:44 pm

    Congratulations! Your godchickens are lovely.

  • tallnoe

    2011/04/21 at 6:00 pm

    OMG. DaddyScratches’ comment just about killed me. With laughter. Which is a good way to go.
    YAY Chickens!!

  • TeeneyMartini

    2011/04/21 at 6:06 pm

    This is a comment about beignets. I was also in New Orleans last month and had beignets – YUM! However, I lived in Salt Lake City in the 1970’s (olden days) and they served these things called scones at all the restaurants. People were crazy for these things and they were basically fried dough – like beignets – but were served with honey-butter instead of powdered sugar. Do they still serve those in Utah?

  • NurseNan

    2011/04/21 at 6:45 pm

    @websavymom…you are a brainiac maniac. Just jealous.
    I’ve wanted to be here for awhile and am glad to finally get on your ride! So happy for your success and Jon’s. Thank you for all your hard work to bring DoCo in. I’ve already seen so many good people I’d be honored and, more importantly, lucky to call friend. Great place to call home. Happy to be on Planet Dooce and in its blogospere! Thanks again and have a good spring-break long weekend All.

  • NurseNan

    2011/04/21 at 6:51 pm

    @TEENIEMARTINI Yes SCONES ARE THE BEST SIN ! I lived in Idaho once and they had them there too. And these great things called STEAK FINGERS!


  • mtfarmwife

    2011/04/21 at 7:18 pm

    We just got chicks a few days ago ourselves! Although, ours are named after college and pro sports players. (We have an 11 and 8 year old sons). We have one chick that has severe sphincter issues, and are always having to clean clumps of poop off of the back of his ass. Naturally, I named him Kobe.

  • smithie1996

    2011/04/21 at 7:32 pm

    @mtfarmwife – Kobe. That is SO awesome.

  • southerngirl

    2011/04/21 at 7:55 pm

    You finally got some chickens!!! Yay!! Chickens are so interesting. I just love sitting on the porch and watching them. They’re a hoot!

    P.S. We just got two new babies ourselves. And another hen is sitting.

  • Balkan Girl Down Under

    2011/04/21 at 8:49 pm

    Aw, you’re just that little bit closer to your chicken dream! (“Chicken dream” = heh.)

    They are SO freakin’ cute. The last time I played with baby chicks was almost two years ago and MAAAAN. Cuteness overload. I wanna!

    Enjoy the godparentship, heh heh. (Also, “Oh, Alice!” = Brady Bunch reference, I imagine!)

  • shamoore11

    2011/04/21 at 10:17 pm

    This is probably the wrong place to put this but would you check out my blog i’ve been following yours for awhile and I love it and would really love your opinion.thanks

  • MissCaron

    2011/04/22 at 7:12 am

    OMG… Peep peep’s… how precious. Brings back memories of my Grandmother’s farm in central Virginia. She raised chickens for fun. I remember having to go in and get the eggs and how I’d have to shoo them all outside the coop and shut the door or they’d freak out. The eggs were always warm and I’d gently place them in the basket and take them inside to my Grandmother. When she’d get a bunch of new baby chicks it was always so much fun. We had a little pen for them (probably about two dozen of them) and they made so much noise. So cute! I can almost still hear the chirping right now in my head. They made that cute little “peep peep” and when I was little that was what I called them. Thanks for bringing back such great memories!

  • SugarShopSweets

    2011/04/22 at 7:27 am

    Sooo Precious! I wonder WCWD? (what coco would do?) Or better yet what MARLO would do??? Let’s see how this develops

  • iPattie

    2011/04/22 at 8:25 am

    These are so cute they *almost* make me want to give in and tell my husband that yes, we can get chickens. Almost.

  • big dog momma

    2011/04/22 at 8:48 am

    Haha! I just *knew* that you would find a way to get chickens!!

  • loradow

    2011/04/22 at 9:33 am

    Is it really a good idea to name your food? You don’t strike me as a 4H roll-with-the-butchering kind of farm girl.

  • dianemaggipintovoiceover

    2011/04/22 at 9:36 am

    i’ll bet alice has now found his feminine side.

    chicken — my 2-year old’s answer to where is daddy washing dishes?

  • doobrah

    2011/04/22 at 11:23 am

    Love the one with the rust striped down its head & back. Would love to have chicks, but (1)not allowed in the city even though it’s the ‘burbs, and (2) the Westie (see photo) would not allow it. Looking forward to updates!

  • tidw0516

    2011/04/22 at 11:37 am

    When I saw these pictures on your flickr stream, I let out a surprised, “Oh dear god, he let her get the chickens!” My coworkers now think I’m even crazier.

  • keishua

    2011/04/22 at 11:40 am

    truly a beautiful story.

  • beritelissa

    2011/04/22 at 11:59 am

    Congrats! Maybe Jon would change his mind upon seeing this fabulous coop?

  • Greygirl

    2011/04/22 at 1:41 pm

    “They are pretty and fluffy, and a tidbit stupid”

    That describes many of the people I work with.

    My friend had chickens (key word: “had”) and named them Marsala, Piccata and Parmigiana.

  • hanniy

    2011/04/22 at 3:49 pm

    I just ordered 30 chickens a week ago – they’ll be here in two weeks or so! We can’t wait…our four year old is incredibly excited. The remaining six chickens (after raccoons and other predators had their way with the others) from our last flock just weren’t cutting it. There is NOTHING like raising chicks to make home grown eggs for your family…YUM!!!

  • mac_runs

    2011/04/23 at 9:04 am

    I can’t wait for the first Chuck with chicks photo.

    We have Blondie (ended up pale buff), the two matching chooks are Joan and Jett and then Tallulah from Maisy and Dora for the chick that kept escaping and heading out to explore.

    Make sure you always eat the egg yolks — they are the best part. And have fun because chickens are just hilarious.

  • k2

    2011/04/23 at 1:37 pm

    having raised various breeds of chickens for 15 years, i’m curious how kate knew after a few hours that alice was a rooster? depending on the breed, i can usually guess pretty accurately after a week or two, but when they are only days old, it’s a crap shoot because you can get rooster-type behavior from girls. (there is such a thing called sex-links, which are hybrids that can be sexed at hatching by color or sometimes by feather development, but these chicks aren’t sex links.)
    or maybe kate knows how to, ahem, check out the chicks privates??
    in any event, congrats on the new godchildren!

  • sasha

    2011/04/24 at 1:20 am

    Can’t let a year go by without wishing you a happy Zombie Jesus Day! When are YOUR chicks arriving?

  • shahobbs

    2011/04/24 at 7:03 pm

    We had chickens once upon a time. Actually two times, but that’s besides the point. First chicken we ever got, I was sure was a girl and we waited patiently until “she” was old enough to lay us some good eatin’ eggs. Of course, around that time “she” should have been laying eggs is when “she” turned out to be a “he” and started charging my husband’s legs and waking us up at the butt crack of dawn with his crowing. I ended up giving him to a local man who raised chickens in his front yard and he came back and told me that my rooster ended up being the stud of the chicken coop. Makes a momma proud. 🙂

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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