the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Featured community question wherein we get to blame our parents

This one comes from member CurlyCat:

And the reason I’m featuring it is because some of the responses are just too good.

For example, the quip of a concerned mother:

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Lesson learned. If Leta does something weird with her hair, the proper response is, “I see you did something interesting with your hair!” Not, “Was it your intention to look like you’re on the verge of death?”

And this one from a concerned father:

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If my father ever said this to me I don’t think I’d ever get in a car again. Or even leave the house because CARS ARE EVERYWHERE.

This next one should win an Academy Award for Awesome. And I may actually try this one on my kids:

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This mother obviously hadn’t ever heard of the five-second rule:

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The best part of that one is the waiting… like, THANKS MOM. I could have enjoyed my summer, but I was waiting to die AND IT NEVER HAPPENED.

And this final one is just so mean that now I’ve got a serious fear of going to the bathroom anywhere:

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BECAUSE WHAT IF TOILET FROGS REALLY EXIST?

When I was a kid my dad told me that if you cross your eyes and someone comes along and knocks you in the back of your head that your eyes will stay like that forever. To this day I have to leave the room when someone is joking around and crosses their eyes, because I’m not sure I could resist hitting them in the back of the head just to see, you know, what if?

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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