the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Give em whiplash

Maggie: “Her name is Nicki Min-EYE.”

Helen Jane: “?????”

Maggie: “I heard her pronounce it that way.”

Me: “Maggie, I’m pretty sure it’s Nicki Min-AHHHJJJ.

Helen Jane: [staying out of this, staying out of this, staying out of this]

Me: “Here, wait. Let me find that Kanye song where she rhymes it with MENAGE.”

Maggie: “Min-EYE.”

Me: “Min-AHHHJJJ.”


Me: “Listen to this—”

Maggie: “This is not something I am willing to argue about.”

Me: “Min-AHH—”

Maggie: “Goodnight.”

Helen Jane: “Where are the cookies?”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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