An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Hair, day one

I got a wild hare (do I crack myself up or what) and decided I’d try to chronicle the whole process of growing out my mane. This isn’t day one. In fact, it’s day 40 or something. I CAN’T KEEP TRACK OF EVERYTHING FOR YOU, MOM.

(That was a joke, Mom. Call me later and we’ll talk about shirtless George Clooney.)

But we’ll just call this day one for the purposes of simplicity. Swoopy day one.

Is anybody else going through this process? Share a link in the comments.

  • tokenblogger

    I think the swoop gives you a bit of cute pixie look — really — it looks adorable. I first thought so when you posted a pic to your recent death knell of depression.

  • ajigreer

    You are beautiful. The end.

  • Lo The Phoenix

    I’ve been growing mine out since…early fall? I had a pixie. About 3 more inches and it will be at my shoulders again.

    It looks nice like that, btw.

  • ADDGirl

    If I grow out my hair I get a serious case of “mom hair” so it has to stay short. Good luck with yours!

  • SharonP

    Heather, it took about a year to grow out my hair from about your current length to its near-shoulder length; I can report that it is worth it. Just think-once it is long, you can effect a serious change with a few scissor swipes!

  • stephcampbell

    I last trimmed my hair in November and bangs in December. I’ve since decided to grow out my hair (and bangs!). It can’t grow fast enough. Wish there was a pill for that. There’s a pill for everything else! Cheers!

  • Margoith

    I just got done growing mine out. I wrote this last year when I first started the long process:

  • j

    Trying to grow out a pixie…it is HELL. My hair is crazy thick & sorta wavy (more like “crooked” than “curly”) and at the moment I think I look like a q-tip.

  • lcarilo

    And speaking of moms. Never fails: Long distance trips to visit with the ol’ gal guarantee her opening the door to greet me only for first words to be, “You’re going to schedule a haircut while your here, right?”… then a hug and kiss, AFTER WE’VE TRAVELED 16 HOURS STRAIGHT, HALF WAY CROSS COUNTRY OR SPENT A DAY FLYING IN FROM MIDDLE OF PACIFIC OCEAN. Yup, that’s mom for you.

  • katdenk

    I’m growing my hair out as well, decided to start around October, of course right after I got a haircut. I’ve had a pixie for 17 years, chopped it all off (little over 12 inches) after my first boyfriend dumped me when I was 16. Since then I’ve had it not more than an inch long except for my wedding wherein I grew out some bangs to please my mom. I’ve decided to grow it out because I’m bored and don’t want to dye it anymore. I usually do funner colors but I’m about 50% grey now and I LOVE it, (plus I earned this salt, dammit). So I’m lettin’ the grey do its thang.
    I’m in the phase right now that you are in exactly. Longer sideburns and bangs but I’m keeping the back trimmed to avoid any mullet-lovers’ attentions. So I tuck the burns behind my ears usually, occasionally I’ll put in product and let the burns do what they will a/k/a flip out.
    My daughters miss the funner colors, but this morning when we woke up to frost my 5-year-old proudly exclaimed that the backyard looks just like my hair! I was excited to say she’s right.
    Good luck to you/us!

  • PutYourFlareOn

    I’ve decided in 2012 not to cut my hair because I want to grow it out. I’m pretty much starting at the same point you are. I think I will have to give in at some point and get a trim because it will start looking mullet-ish at some point. 🙂

    I am going to play along and blog about it too! Thanks for the motivation. Hopefully this will keep me on target.

    here’s my blog if you wanna stop by:

    growing it out in Paris. 🙂

  • delpien

    “is anybody else going through this process…..”

    let me tell ya, sweetheart, my last hair cut was more than 16 MONTHS ago!! i. hate. my. hair. i sooooo want a new ‘do it’s not funny. EXCEPT! now that one of my dearest friends must undergo chemo, i’m even more committed to growing that ponytail to donate; on those days i want to rip it out by the roots, i’m reminded of the hair that falls out by the handful for her…

    am i even allowed to have a bad hair day?? it’s guilt piled upon guilt.

  • kellytadlock

    I would totally grow my hair out right now except that it has already been a hell of a year and I just don’t think I’d be able to stand the predictable trauma of day after day of bad hair days. So, I’m keepin it short and sassy for now. But I will enviously watch yours flip, twist and grow…

  • abbyqueue

    Going through the same thing. I shaved my head to the skin in December 2010 to support a friend who had to have brain surgery, and have been growing mine out ever since. I’ve taken a headshot every week since then to document the process.

  • Chloe

    I started growing out a bob about 2 years ago. It’s halfway down my back and I get regular trims. I’m just lazy and unimaginative and don’t know what to do with it. Keep trying to let the silver and gray do its thing, but it keeps going blonde on me except at the temples. Most men are crazy about it; unfortunately, my husband isn’t. Wish I had the guts to get a crewcut.

  • Essembee

    I’m growing out my pixie crop.

    I have to stick about 7 hairclips in my hair to prevent myself from looking like Kevin Costner circa Robin Hood.

    (Having birthed no babies, ran no marathons and hunted no bobcats, I’m excited to be sharing a Journey with you, Heather.)

  • Shosh

    I became a member just to comment on your hair : )
    I’ve had short hair twice before, and both times it took me about 2 years to fully grow it out (from super short to shoulder-blade length). What really helped throughout was getting regular trims every 6-8 weeks – my stylist, who I love, would get rid of the awful flippy bits that grew out along my hairline and would stay away from cutting the top, and keep it long. The regular cuts were great, b/c they made me feel like I looked nice even though my hair was nothing like the way I wanted it to look like.

  • mybottlesup

    i’m going through this process as well and i’ve almost had to handcuff my hands behind me so that i don’t cut my own hair. the bonus is the pregnancy and wackadoo prenatal/hair growing vitamins. the not-so bonus is that my hair is HUGE and mega wavy. i can only hope that i don’t give in to the desire to chop it all off after this baby is born… then again, i’m not exactly logical postpartum.

    here’s a link to my latest mane/fro picture…

    good luck. patience is not a virtue of mine.

  • Bev Weidner

    My hair needs to be LOCKED IN A CAGE.

    No photo for you!

    (get it? soup? never mind.)

  • beattiestudios

    Yup! I am doing this as well! I have my next trim on Wednesday and I will post Part Two of my series then.



  • luv and kiwi

    Are you doing okay lady? You always look so stunning in your recent pictures, but there’s something in your eyes I can’t quite put my finger on.

    Lots of love shooting your way.


  • Lauren3

    A few years ago… I was 22, I think, just out of college … I was really into curling my extremely thin and straight hair to make it wavy. It took a lot of work.

    My mom heard about this new, supposedly “revolutionary” type of semi-perm that was designed for hair like mine, to make it wavy, just like how I was styling it at the time.

    I was NOT buying it, but my mom, her friend, and her friend’s hairdresser convinced me to do it over drinks one night.

    So in a couple weeks I have an appointment with the stylist I met (who assured me she was a pro at this) to get this perm done. GOD, A PERM. WTF WAS I THINKING.

    Anyhow, the stylist starts snipping and chopping away at my hair first, and I’m all, “Wait, how come you’re cutting it? I want to look like I have more hair, not less.” And she’s all, “Don’t worry! I am cutting your hair to look BETTER when wavy! This will help!” So she continues to give me the Rod Stewart feather look.

    Then comes the 2 hour perm process.

    It ends…




    I cried so hard, people… I cried so hard. Couldn’t hold it back. I felt guilty and immature, but good god, my hair looked awful.

    The stylist, getting upset with guilt herself, is babbling, “I don’t know what happened! Oh no, oh no! I’ll fix it, and you definitely don’t have to pay for this!”

    As soon as she said she wouldn’t be charging me, I was out of that chair like a pop rocket. I drove home erratically through my veil of vain tears, and when I got there and burst through the door, still crying, the first person I encountered was my nephew, about 8 years old at the time.

    He was very concerned about how upset I was, and I calmed down enough to tell him that I didn’t like my new haircut.

    “It’s OK, Aunt Lauren, I like it,” he said soothingly, patting my head. “You always look so pretty.”

    My heart melted.

    “But it smells stinky like eggs,” he continued, scrunching up his nose.

    God I love that kid.


  • artteach7

    I am. And it is so incredibly painful to see me looking this awful! I love my short pixie, but I am at that in-between non-styled stage. I am to chicken to post images. But It looks nowhere near as fabulous as yours, though I do have some good moments!

  • Sarah_add_allen

    Yes! But I started from scratch, because that’s how I roll. I went through chemo last summer, so my hair is just now growing back in crazy swirls and curls. I had to comment, because I was just talking about this very thing on my FB reader page:

  • Arakitten

    I think you look really cute! I’ve been growing my hair out for about five months now from just below my ears and it’s finally long enough for a ponytail. I would document it’s growth with pictures but

    a) My camera DIED and I need to get a new one, and

    b) I’m pregnant and my face is so fat right now that I look like old Elvis. After he was dead and left in the heat for a few days.

  • jan001

    My hair was almost as short as yours when I decided to let it grow out long enough to donate. I’d always wanted to have really long hair at least once in my life but never got past the awkward cut-this-shit-OFF phases of growing it out. I thought have a worthy goal would help, and it has.

    That was in September 2008. As the layers grew out, I had them cut off because I wanted it all to be one length. This photo – – is my hair as of about 6 weeks ago. The length you see there is what had been my bangs and the areas framing my face a little over 3 years ago – maybe about 2″ long then.

    Since I want to keep some length after I cut it to donate, I still have a couple more months to go. I’m hoping it’ll be “ready” by March sometime but it may take a little longer.

    So that’s how I went from super short to approaching my waist – doing it with the goal of donating it. Oh, also? Telling people that’s what I was doing when they commented on having never seen me with anything other than super-short hair. I figured if I told people my motivation, I’d be less likely to get it chopped off when it became an inconvenience. That’s working so far.

    I will say that now I totally understand people who go after their own hair with office scissors sometimes..,

  • nienabmj

    Here you go, embarrassing photos and all:

    I will miss your pixie cut.

  • strawberrygoldie

    I thought, for a brief hot moment, that I would grow my hair out. Got it to here:

    Then promptly cut it. That shit was driving me NUTS.

    *wondering if those links even work*

  • jesslikewhoah

    I’m trying to grow my hair out – I feel like its been short for forever. I did a stint with a weave when I was in hair school and it lasted less than 24 hours. I’m not sure if “long” hair is for me but i’ve never had hair past my shoulders in all of my 24 years.

    I’ve been reading about ways that will help grow your hair and found many sources that say while it leads to headaches using 2% or 4% miconazole cream on your scalp once or twice a week works wonders and can help grow your hair up to 4 inches!!!!!!!!!! (Hey internet, look at those !!!!!!!) Ya know, miconazole the active ingredient in Monistat or Athletes Foot cremes. I went with the foot cream instead of the vag cream. I put it on twice last week and I’d say my hair grew 1/2 inch and I had a minor headache that was bearable.

    Good luck!

  • kidsmom

    Whoa. I totally give you credit for making the money you do by blogging about growing out your hair. Ain’t America great?

  • Miss Anthrope

    I’ve always had long hair. And always wanted to cut it off, but was too chicken. But then my 3 year old was diagnosed with leukemia. She was so scared to lose her gorgeous, gorgeous curls that we cut it off together. Just a bob at first (may 2010), then more of a pixie when hers fell out in earnest (Oct 2010). We’ve both been growing it out since.

    I’ve learned some things about what I like and don’t- I HATE having hair on my forehead. Bangs make me feel claustrophobic. So I either have to have it really short or really long. Anything in between is just torture.

    My daughter is doing great! She still has 6 months left of treatment, and thank god her hair came back the same! It would have been destroyed if she didn’t get her blonde curls back!

  • SZoeller

    I’ve been growing my bangs out for 3 months.

    It’s *terrible*. Who’s idea was it to get bangs, anyway?!

  • cwriter333

    Ok, Ms Dooce. My long hair has always partially defined me. It’a thick, long, naturally wavy, golden brown and in the 80’s ( yep, that was a reigning period) my hair captured more attention than any other asset the Lord had blessed me with. (And there were many, thank you, Lord.)

    Now that that 2012 is here and I’m in my 50s (it’s okay, really) I’ve volleyed between a classic bob and my once glorious long tresses. The bob won won out for decades but now I’m back to long,wavy, feminine, classic. I’m thinking if Jane Seymour and China Phillips can still pull it off I can too.

    Right?? I thought so.

    The moral of the story… if long hair is part of you – keep it. If not, keep it short. You, Ms Dooce, are an icon either way.

    Much Love!

  • Barnmaven

    My hair was shorter than yours to begin with, and I started growing it in November. No, I will not show you pictures. Yes, it is driving me crazy.

  • doudou

    I have a tip for you. I bought some MSM a few years ago because I thought it would help tennis elbow (turns out it’s not even for that) and a side effect was rapid hair growth. My hair is to the middle of my back now after a hatchet job on the UWS. I take it occasionally now because it makes ALL of your hair grow. I don’t know if other people will have the same result, but I thought I’d pass the info along! 🙂

  • TxSuzyQ

    Well what are we talking about here. Growing it out to your chin? Middle of your back? Ass? What exactly is the goal? I need to know where you’re going with this!

  • kheliwud

    Just had mine all whacked off, but not pixie-short. I grew out bangs 3-4 years ago, and kept this thick, fine-yet-kinky mess, shoulder length. Then the grays started showing up in droves. And my neck got hot. Why am I looking like an old lady? I need to look hip and chic! And my neck is hot!
    Anyway, got it shaped into an inverted bob leaving the front longer. LOVE IT.

    Hair, so much angst…….

  • KendraJ

    I’m on day 3…my hair is slightly longer than yours was (at it’s shortest), and I JUST decided to grow it out. I’m about 4 weeks away from my next hair appointment…
    Let the fun begin…

  • missusclark

    It is vastly reassuring to know that every other woman out there is as schizophrenic about their hair as I am. I’m growing out my hair, including the bangs and I’m not quite yet at the point of wanting to take a pair of hedge clippers to my head. But it’s coming, sure as death. I hate having hair in my face. I go from “I’ll never cut my hair again!!!” to “Jesus, I can’t stand all this hair on my neck; I’m goin’ for a crew cut!!!”

    Grow it out. Invest in some pretty hairpins/clips. Regular trims help. Keep your eye on the ball. Have Jon regularly tell you how attractive/sexy/vibrant longer hair makes you look. Best of luck, m’dear!

  • shellipsm

    Since we moved to Chicago in August, I’ve been letting it grow. Malka always says I need a haircut, because my old barber would give her lolly pops and let her play with his iphone.

    But it’s getting long. Slowing going through the awkward stage. I haven’t had long hair in about 13 years. Here’s the typical hair:

    and here it is now…. WOAH, Nelly!

  • rutsa

    As a curly haired person I gasped when I saw you mocking your gorgeous long curls in that old photo. Yes, it was more hair than needed but the natural material you have to work with is sumthin!
    Please at least try a curly do when it gets a bit longer. The secret is to 1. air dry and 2. hands/combs/picks off once dry, leave it alone.
    As a fellow Southerner I would find it the very polite thing to do.

  • Laura Wattles

    Yes, please show status of your hair as it’s growing out. After about 12 years of uber-short hair, I’m trying to grow mine out. I really love short funky hairstyles but am wanting a change. However, I seem to get only so far before I get frustrated and cut it all off again.

  • rhanowell

    A long (hah, get it?) and arduous process, I am just entering the mullet stage after going super short.

  • ambermentz

    I’m trying to grow out an inverted bob. Cute when cut correctly. Shameful half mullet during the growing out process.

  • rusty_shackelford

    Eden Kennedy (her blog is did this once but it doesn’t seem to be on her website any more, though you can see the Flickr evidence here:

  • julierose

    I’m growing mine out and just posted about it:

  • allison the meep

    I’m growing out my pixie cut too! It is its own creature, and on various days, I look like: Justin Bieber, Demetri Martin, an Ed Sullivan era Beatle, or just someone with a really unfortunate mullet. So I wear hats a lot, even though my ears are giant-huge.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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