The only time you will ever hear me recommend a pair of crocs

hand-knitted mittens picture by Heather B. Armstrong for

In an effort to save a few extra dollars every month I’ve set the thermostat in the house a few degrees cooler than I have in winters past and this means that some spots that get no sunlight are freezing to the point of being uninhabitable. Those are the rooms where I store the bodies. Sadly, I’m running out of space.

The office has a bit of natural sunlight, but when the snowstorm hit this weekend and temperatures dropped into the teens, I realized I’m going to have to break out my fingerless gloves in order to operate the keyboard. That is, if I continue this game of chicken with the thermostat. And guess what, thermostat. You picked the wrong valedictorian to fuck with.

Cue these hand-knitted numbers from Mareshop, a mother and daughter operation run out of Latvia. Look at those adorable ombre crocodile hands. Can you even? I mean? Just? Yeah.

Winter, I will find ways to like you, so help me god.

1. Blue crocodile fingerless gloves $32

2. Extra long red, orange, burgundyfingerless gloves/arm warmers $54

3. Extra long brown, white, mustard fingerless gloves/arm warmers $54

4. Black and gray crocodile fingerless gloves $32

5. Red cabled fingerless gloves $28