the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Set coordinators

photo of Dane and Marlo by Heather B. Armstrong for

The day before my entire family showed up to help me rake the yard, Dane stopped by to help Tyrant clear off the walk leading up to the house. Marlo adores Dane and loves to help with any kind of chore, so this quickly turned into the grossest game of raking leaves ever. My baby girl IS IN A COMPOST BIN. Sure, I’ve fantasized about throwing her in there, but wow, the reality far more disgusting than the dream.

This makes no sense because Dane is somewhat of a germaphobe. And he’s happily sitting inside it right there with her.

That’s the effect she has on people. She is the human formulation of Prozac.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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