the smell of my desperation has become a stench


You guys, Chuck is getting old. He turns 11 next month which is probably why he’s slowing down and becoming a downright grouch. If he were human he’d be standing at the end of the driveway throwing empty beer cans at children riding bikes.

I remember when I had to whisper to Leta that we were going on a walk because he’d hear that word and upturn furniture as he scurried to my side in anticipation. Now? I say, “Hey, Chuck. We’re going for a walk.” And he just sits there staring at me blankly like, “Do I look like I’m interested in something so pointless? Why don’t you go ahead and die already.”

He’s super fun at parties.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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