the smell of my desperation has become a stench

There’s nothing to see here

Listen, Chuck. I don’t think you need to worry that anyone cares about what’s going on underneath that modesty patch. Because they’re looking at all that dust and pollen and dirt on those windows that I haven’t cleaned off and are like, HEATHER? What has become of you? The thing is, I don’t know. Because I’m looking at it right now and my urge isn’t to grab some glass cleaner and wipe it down. My urge is to walk over there and use my index finger to write SUCK IT in the middle of the window.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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