the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Marlo and Maeve

Saturday afternoon my mother and I took the girls to see my cousin McKenzie’s 10-day-old baby. They named her Maeve, and she is very much a Boone baby (my mother’s side of the family), all dark hair and full eyebrows and olive skin. She will probably grow up to tell one hell of a fart joke.

I showed Marlo a picture of her before we headed over, and she said, “But Kenzie’sth belly isth sthill really, really, really big.”

“Not anymore,” I explained. “The baby came out. The baby is what made her belly big.”

“YOU’RE WRONG!” she yelled. “Kenzie’sth belly will alwaysth be big! ALWAYSTH!”

This kid and and her ongoing denial of science. So help me god if I’m raising a Republican.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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