the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Gymnastics hair

Marlo recently taught herself how to perform a headstand, of sorts, this thing where she throws her feet up in the air as she balances her body on her head. Except there really isn’t much balance involved because she immediately shoots over in a giant straight plank. Thankfully she only performs this on a bed or a couch, otherwise the thud of the landing would either break her back or the floor. Last night she did a series of these on the couch in the living room before I realized I hadn’t removed her glasses, and wow is her ophthalmologist and his various expensive hobbies glad they scored her as a client.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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