the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Ohhh uh uh uh ohhh!

I was sitting at my desk earlier when I heard Coco lose her mind and I thought, oh. She must have seen a leaf. And then I heard the sound of paws bounding throughout the house and into the backyard. Dane had gone over to the neighbor’s house to grab Kendall for a doggie play date. Imagine. Coco losing her mind for an almost legitimate reason. I think I’ll keep adding Xanax to her dinner.

Coco doesn’t do play dates very well, but Chuck? Chuck and Kendall get along like friends who’ve known each other their whole lives. And would you look at the ladylike way in which she is sparing young children the sight of her valuables. Chuck has been around a camera for what? HIS ENTIRE LIFE. And he still can’t get his poses down.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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