the smell of my desperation has become a stench

He totally deserved it this time

Last night I bought a roasted chicken and sliced all the meat off of the bones onto a cutting board. And then I walked away for two seconds to show Marlo something only to return to find Chuck standing on his hind legs, craning his neck, AND EATING THE ENTIRE THING OFF OF THE COUNTERTOP I THINK THE CAPS LOCK IS CALLED FOR YES.

I seriously hope to god that if he swallowed any bones I had moved to the side of the board that they don’t cut up his digestive system. Because there are years of humiliation ahead.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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