An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Organic chocolate breakfast

Why is Marlo so big? You might look at this photo and go, OH. There it is. She’s eating chocolate cereal for breakfast, HEATHER. Except, she rarely finishes a bowl of this stuff and instead steals my raw, very expensive Paleo breakfast out of my bowl. Her lunchbox regularly comes home with half of her lunch still in it. Sometimes she’ll have one or two bites of something for dinner and then asked to be excused. And she never stops moving. Still, there are a few kids in her class who tower over her, kids whose parents are far shorter than her own, kids who are her age but look a few years older.

Who the hell knows how DNA works.

I’ll stick with: human growth hormone. Oh, and I did have her stretched a bit.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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