An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

The saddest day in all of the land

I painted Marlo’s nails on Sunday, and when she requested this activity she pronounced it “nail polish” not “pall nellish” which I had hoped would stick around forever. I accidentally made up for this horrible development this morning when trying to distract her from a sudden temper tantrum that erupted in the middle of brushing her teeth.

“Hey, your screaming is going to interfere with brushing your teeth and that means you’re that much farther away from the moushwath.”

Leta was standing there waiting for me to help her brush her hair. “Did you just say that on purpose?” she asked.

I tried several times to correct myself but instead ended up repeating it exactly like that even more loudly: “Moushwath. Hmmm… Moushwath. GRRR. MOUSHWATH!”

Well, it worked. I distracted Marlo from her tantrum. Except she was laughing so hard she had spit her toothpaste all over her shirt.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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