An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Sand and surf and sea

I was taking a picture of this just for the sake of its insanely intense color on the beach in Maui when the guy walking by asked, “Oh, you found a sea turtle!”

“I DID?!” I screamed jumping up and backwards. Not that a sea turtle in and of itself is scary, but one appearing out of thin air? Startling.

“Oh, this is where they hang out,” he explained. “That’s what they feed on. I thought maybe you had found one.”

I had to pull my shoulders off of my ears.

“Yeah, no,” I said. “I’m just taking pictures of, well, this stuff.” I waved my hand over all the green growth. He looked at me like I was insane. I wanted to say, listen. People Instagram their food all the time. I’m only a little bit crazier to document the food of turtles for them.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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