An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

For your dad

Every year on Father’s Day I call up my pop and thank him for all the sage advice he has given me over the years and am usually (always) on that day embroiled in some situation where even more of his wisdom can come in handy. My dad loves to impart what he’s learned and has had many, many, many years on this earth to learn, and since he’s such a good storyteller I don’t mind hearing certain anecdotes for the second or third or seven hundredth time.

He is also very picky and usually gives me a specific list of what he wants for gifts and would be angry if I tried to surprise him with something different. He wouldn’t like anything I’ve collected here, especially that camera which he’d open and then crack over my head because you can go down to the grocery store and buy a disposable one for five bucks GET OFF HIS LAWN. These are for the fathers who have had far less years on earth to learn. May you grow old like my dad and gather your stories along the way.

1. Short-sleeve shirt in indigo chambray $88

2. Eastern Collective Lightning USB Cable $26

3. Moscow Mule copper mug $24

4. ‘Tampa’ Slip-On $69.95

5. “Afterthought” – Giclee art print $30

6. Fitbit Flex Wireless Activity + Sleep Wristband $99.95

7. Fujifilm X100S 16 MP Digital Camera $1,299

8. Humans of New York $16.94

9. 1491: New Revelations of the Americas Before Columbus $27.14

10. Leather look barrel bag $57.16

11. Parker Premium Deep Gun Metal Chiseled Medium Point Black Ink Pen $45.99

12. Yamaha Factory Refurbished Soundbar with Built-In Subwoofer $174.95

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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