the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Halloween 2014

A few things to note:

1) The irony that my child is dressed as a chef when the list of things she will eat includes a total of four items is not at all lost on me. In fact, if you ask her what she wants to be when she grows up she will say, “Either a writer or a chef.” Maybe she will be the one who comes up the dietary solution for picky eaters everywhere. NO PRESSURE, LETA.

2) I overheard one of the seven thousand other five-year-old Elsas trick or treating that night say to her mother, “I’m so glad it’s not cold out here because that would have bothered me.” Um…

3) Should my friend Ivy’s character be taller than mine? Sure, if you’re going to get all stingy about details. But I almost gave four separate people a heart attack because they thought Piper Chapman had knocked on their front door to ask for candy. We nailed it.

3) Where’s Chuck? Remember my (ahem) hand injury? I hope my doctor is not reading this, but if he is… I’m putting my hand back into my cast right this second to see if it will stop throbbing after editing these. The reveal of Chuck’s costume requires a lot more intricate photoshop work, so hang tight. It’ll be worth the permanent damage.










  • Kristan

    2014/11/03 at 4:49 pm

    OH. MY. GOD. Marlo as Sassy Elsa is THE BEST.

  • SmithShack71

    2014/11/03 at 4:50 pm

    I think you mentioned once before how you had people commenting that you favor Piper? When I started watching OITNB, a couple of times I was like – No, that’s not Dooce. That’s Piper.
    Nailed it, indeed.
    You’re all so cute.


  • Breanne

    2014/11/03 at 5:00 pm

    Fantastic!! SO SO fantastic!

  • frogprof

    2014/11/03 at 5:02 pm

    Did Marlo’s dress light up and play “Let It Go” every time she breathed? My BFF’s niece’s did. I hope that battery runs down SOON.

  • Heather Armstrong

    2014/11/03 at 5:05 pm

    Oh god, no! No, it did not! THANK GOD.

  • Me

    2014/11/03 at 5:15 pm

    Hooray for Halloween-fun! Your girls are adorable!

  • Amanda Cherry

    2014/11/03 at 5:26 pm

    Dude when I saw the first episode of OITNB I thiught OMG she looks so much like Dooce!!!

  • greeblehaus

    2014/11/03 at 5:26 pm

    The girls look amazing. Dex was an anime character. I have no idea who he was. I just did what he told me to do.

  • jess crawford!

    2014/11/03 at 5:29 pm

    My kid brother spent his entire childhood eating nothing but ketchup and mustard “sandwiches” (i.e. on a hot dog bun). He is just graduating from a magnet high school … from the culinary program. He can make crazy garnishes out of any kind of vegetable but he still won’t try any of them. There is just no explaining some things.

  • RzDrms

    2014/11/03 at 6:40 pm

    Whoa! Who knew four Mormons watched “Orange Is The New Black?!” The knowledge of that secret makes me giddy.

  • erinn

    2014/11/03 at 6:59 pm

    these pictures are amazing! great costumes!!!

  • Ari

    2014/11/03 at 7:24 pm

    There’s hope for Leta! I spent a year of my childhood eating only white foods, but now I am a fancy awesome cook who has sometimes earned a living doing it, and who eats nearly anything.

  • Joanne z Filmlady

    2014/11/03 at 9:47 pm

    LOVE these pictures!! And do you have one of those awesome professional-photographer white background screens?! MUCH better than a sheet tacked to the wall 😉

  • Bronnie

    2014/11/04 at 5:26 am

    Flippin’ fantastic costumes!! You defo nail it as Piper. I can’t wait to have kids, for dress ups alone.

  • Susan

    2014/11/04 at 7:34 am

    I am saving this winter to start watching OITNB for the first time. We’re supposed to be in for a doozy in Massachusetts.

  • Tiffany Palella Cronin

    2014/11/04 at 7:41 am

    Leta looks much more comfortable in from of the camera when she’s in disguise! Love that the girls look like they’re having so much fun!

  • MissyBeMe

    2014/11/04 at 8:27 am

    I love Leta’s costume. Just let her know, there are MANY great women chefs out there…no need for the mustache. Unless, of course, she’s got a hormonal thing that causes facial hair! 😉
    I cooked for a living under one of the most awesome female chefs. Unfortunately, there are so few that become as famous as the males.

  • Melissa Jones

    2014/11/04 at 9:45 am

    Seriously, you could be Piper’s stunt double.

  • dellasaffy

    2014/11/04 at 11:42 am

    Yes you absolutely 100% nailed it – LOVE your Piper! Every time I watch OITNB, I think of you, and now you’ve connected the dots for real. Perfect.

  • Kristhegirl

    2014/11/04 at 1:07 pm

    You definitely look like Piper, but I always thought you looked like Amber Valletta, too.Great costumes, love the pics!

  • issascrazyworld

    2014/11/04 at 4:07 pm

    Leta’s is my favorite. Perfection. Where’d you get the huge mustache? My kid is obsessed with the mustaches.

  • Meg

    2014/11/04 at 8:38 pm

    Leta looks good, but Marlo looks magnificent.

  • souphead

    2014/11/05 at 9:45 am

    I don’t see how you had any choice but to be Piper for Halloween.

  • americanrecluse

    2014/11/06 at 6:31 am

    The photo of Leta holding up one finger might be my favorite. Both your girls are hilarious!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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