An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Hurricane Harvey relief with a bonus photo of my father

School and piano lessons and third grade vocabulary tests are in full swing over here, and when you couple all that with several personal, gut-wrenching circumstances that I won’t go into on this website blog thing you get that awful woman on the Internet playing a massive game of catch up. I’ve finally gathered all the names and donations for Hurricane Harvey relief, and now Florida is bracing for the worst case scenario.

First, Florida, be safe. We all like to make jokes about Florida—I am plenty guilty of this myself—but I know that there are so many of us who are ready to help in any way we can, regardless of our vastly different opinions about how many guns you should be allowed to carry in public. I vacationed in Florida every summer of my childhood, so you hold a tender place in my heart. We are all hoping it’s not the worst case scenario.

And to everyone already impacted by Irma’s wrath, you have us all at the ready. Footage of the devastation is unfathomable, and there are so many of us who want to help. Someone asked me how I was doing the other day and I was like, let’s see. I am a white woman who was born in this country and will never have to fear deportation, and I’m sitting at a computer in the desert. My gut-wrenching circumstances can take a backseat right now.

Second, thank you Steph, Juliana, Pete, Maureen, Renee, Ceri, Katie, Elizabeth. Charisa, Angie. Jody, Jen, Nicole, Jen, Whitney, Marie, Erin, labuchli, Jodie, Joanna, Kathy, Devra, Jenny, Robyn, Allison, Holly, Sharon, Heather, Leah, Lisa, Nancy, Karel, Erica, and the  several others who did not want to be named. Facebook won’t show me the names of those who donated there, but many thanks to those of you who did so. With my matching donation of $500 we raised $4183 for the American Red Cross:

I know that there is come controversy about my choice of charity, and I understand. But given that there are two other potentially devastating hurricanes headed this way and this organization works across the country, I don’t believe our donations will be in vain.

I also made a donation to the Texas Diaper Bank, thank you amedame for the recommendation:

In other news, I have also been trying to process the photos I took a month ago at my niece’s wedding—sorry it’s taking me so long Meredith I AM JUST OVER HERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MY FUTURE—when I came across this photo I took of the happy couple posing with my father and stepmother.

TFW you suddenly realize that your father is plotting your murder.

I need to text my brother and sister the good news that I will be dead and their inheritance from our father just got that much bigger.

Love you, Pop! Please make it painless!

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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