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Happiness is . . .

2003/01/15

Pooping on a regular basis.

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  • http://www.hot995.com/djs/vibe.html vibegrrl

    KEL!! hahaha, my LOUser ex-boyfriend Lou used to say that ALL the time!! “Droppin’ the kids off at the pool…”
    heh :)

  • http://libbyo.diaryland.com Libbyo

    In mid-stages of pregnancy – I SO AGREE WITH YOU THERE!

  • http://www.odessastreet.net lee

    Floaters, not sinkers?
    Shit.

  • Shawn

    My friend calls it Hanging Clay, which is just the grossest thing ever.

  • http://ww.jenandtonic.ca jen

    Pooping on a too regular of a basis can be unhappiness though.

    I can tell you where all the good public washrooms are in the area.

    poop = life

  • http://swirlspice.blogspot.com Irk

    I have an email somewhere about all the different types of poops. My personal favorite is the Rap Poop: “Fart, Poop Poop Fart, Poop Poop Fart Fart Poop Poop Fart.”

  • pinklady

    several of my guy friends say they have to “pinch a loaf”.

  • Carrie

    Okay, this seems to be the right time to share this. My b/f told me this one, which was overheard by a friend from the next men’s room stall: “Ah, No blood, no puss, no chunks of meat – It’s gonna be a good day.”

  • http://www.megchem.com megchem

    1. laying cable
    2. pushing a boneless brown
    3. squeezing a squirrel

    Need More!

  • Sheila

    Pooping is good. So is farting. Feels like I’m losing weight when either occurs.

    How about your long (dimensionally) poop? I had a really long one the other day. :)

  • Sheila

    s/b “longest” poop

  • the media

    gee thats great and so many ass pumping comments to go along with it
    freedom of speech is over rated

  • poo poo platter

    how about when it comes out like a playdough fun factory?

  • http://web.simmons.edu/~strausj3 Jason

    If you like this topic, you’ll love:
    http://www.ratemypoo.com

  • PJ

    My 11-year old son, on a regular basis, but not regularly, lays one AS BIG AS HIS ARM. He is skinny, but still, they are monster shits. Last week he did one, it wouldn’t flush, of course he doesn’t tell anyone, next kid goes, toilet overflows, husband yelling, I’m mopping, then in the middle of all this, the fucking handle on the toilet breaks! It was Sunday night, no hardware stores open until the next morning, we had to alternately plunge/ turn water on&off at shutoff valve/ plunge again until the log finally flushed. All the yelling aside, I think my husband is secretly proud of the boy.

  • http://www.amandalewis.net Amanda Lew

    I’ve always admired those of my friends who comment, “Be right back… I’m going to go have a food baby.”

  • http://aprilgem.com/log April

    Note to self: no reading Dooce during lunchtime.

  • http://www.mistercrunchy.com Chris

    When I was a kid, my dad dropped one that looped the whole way around the bowl, kinda like the snake-eating-itself logo from that Millenium show. He was so proud of it that he left it there with a sign that read “First Prize: Blue Ribbon Tird.” (My dad thought that because turd and bird rhyme, they should be spelled similarly.)

  • jennyh

    I work with a pediatric GI doc (i.e. gut doctor) who makes metamucil cookies for his patients….apparently the peanut butter ones are da bomb! Did I try one? No thanks!

  • http://www.monster.com I

    This is probably the reason why shows like Jerry Springer, Cops, etc. never run out of material. Too many stupid people. Please disable the comments section & get a job or something. I think you & your readers have too much time on your hands. When they said the internet would allow each individual a voice probably didn’t mean this.

  • HereForNow

    Sounds like I is constipated.

  • se

    Sadly/sickly, my poop thoughts are of other’s poops. The boy at the YMCA who pooped *through* his swim suit at the edge of the pool leaving a tidy pile, guy at entrance to my college library as I was walking in who, addressing someone many yards away, bellowed in my face “I’ve gotta go pinch a loaf!”, and the interior design consultant chicklette where I used to work whose poops smelled so urpingly awful I had to learn her bowel habits in order to avoid being ambushed while I was in the bathroom. Her colon must have only been visited by red meat and burnt coffee. She also wore heavy perfume so you knew it was her coming in the restroom if you were already in a stall. I’d cut my pissing off mid-stream if I smelled her coming, so I wouldn’t have to smell her going.

  • pinklady

    to “i”: i guess if you really feel that way go frequent and post comments on another site. people so concerned with propriety really grate on my nerves. poop is funny get over yourself.

  • http://www.dooce.com dooce

    I: funny, you had enough time on your hands to read all these ìstupidî comments.

    i’d totally have a job by now, but people just aren’t hiring professional poopers. times are hard.

  • moose

    Colloquialism:
    Making a snake.

    Gotta go.

  • http://www.zenmotorcycle.org Ev

    I may be getting old and all, but damn, I just wanna do a little dance when I drop a good log.

  • http://www.digitalcatharsis.com the mighty jimbo

    i assume he has found dry grass in the back yard. or you have found taco bell.

  • elvis

    -lay some cable
    -take my seat at the throne
    -lose some weight
    -drop a steamer
    -visit elvis
    -pinch one off
    -back one out
    -roll the deuce
    i use the last one the most, which is why i find this website, and its current topic curious

  • http://volume22.blogspot.com Scott

    Two lovely poop euphemisms attributed to the late French novelist George Perec are, “I’m going to cast myself a bronze” and “My lips are bursting with nutcake”.

  • SUSU

    Dooce you are da BOMB! I have not laughed this hard in a long while…

    I once had a home health client whose wife’s chief complaint was that her husband’s shit was too big to flush. She had to get in there and break them up so’s they’d go down. She wanted me to send her a Nusing assistant to help her manage flushing her husband’s stools. She showed them to me every time I went to the house… I actually felt happy for the guy it musta felt good to unload like that daily..

  • anna

    you go dooce – give that loser “I” what for!

    and amanda lewis – i just got totally wrapped up in your web page. you are the kind of girl i never ever will be no matter how hard i try or how many hot friends i have.

    in fact so are most girls.

    sigh.

  • http://www.cyberdorks.com/drew/ drew

    i can’t believe no one has said “turtle head” yet.

  • http://www.digitalcatharsis.com the mighty jimbo

    “my lips are bursting with nutcake?” jesus i had to pick myself off the floor after that one. thanks a million.

    and jen, i couldnt agree more. although a regular unloading is a joy to experience, too regular and life sucks. i can tell you from experience that being overseas and having to dive off a trail or hang your ass off the side of a rock every 20 minutes in order to evict all the contents of your abdomen (including a spleen i think) is NOT a fun way to spend a vacation.

  • http://www.barkins.com Richard

    Amen to that!

  • makin a move

    slow silly string

  • Sometimes I

    Boycott shampoo.

    Demand real poo.

  • http://www.meamea.blogspot.com Miss Mea-Mea

    Whenever I have a really long and satisfying poop, and I mean the kind where you poop a whole lot, and then, just when you think you’re done, there’s a secondary poop, then I like to think to myself, to paraphrase Macbeth, “Out, damned poop! Yet who would have thought the old girl to have had so much poop in her?” Every time.

  • Jasmine

    Colloquialism: ‘Releasing a chocolate hostage’.

  • http://www.wifetalks.com rayne

    …on the kitchen floor! Well, my puppy thinks so anyway.

  • http://www.1070design.com/suburbanperil Daejin

    So what I want to know is, what’s the recommended/ideal number of time per day for “punching a grumpy”? I’m thinking daily is great, twice a day is acceptable. I just need to convince a friend that 5 visits a day to drop a chalupa is simply showing a lack of commitment while on the throne. It’s hard enough to organize the day around 3 square meals, this would throw my schedule in the sh**ter, especially since I have a thing about using public washrooms for #2

  • http://ed-one.com Chizantski

    .it’s totally over-rated.

  • http://www.thesafeword.com/daily/kerry.html Kerry

    My favorite is colloquialism is “drowning kittens”.

    But I also like “making bears”.

  • elissa

    my father says “i’m going to make a deposit in the porcelain bank” and “time to worship the porcelain temple” for his daily unloadings.

  • http://frex.diaryland.com gm

    Colloquialisms:
    1) Taking the Browns to the Superbowl

    2) If my ex had to poop really bad, to when it was pushing against his rectum, he would say, “It’s crowning!”

    Yuck! Accurate, tho.

  • http://swirlspice.blogspot.com Irk

    What’s regular is being able to set your watch by the time elapsed between the crumpling of the sandwich wrapper into the fry box to the first plop of that supper fatty teflon bullet.

  • http://www.kevynnmalone.blogspot.com KEVYNN MALONE

    Amen, my sister. I think that – *stomach makes weird squelching sound* Uh oh – I’ve gotta go!

  • http://snydermahler.blogspot.com Snyder

    You know, its the simple things in life that make it worthwhile…

  • Beverly&3rd

    cute site.

  • http://www.hungermoon.com Simon

    My personal favourite euphemism has always been the one I picked up when I was on the phone with a friend and he announced “look, I gotta go. the rat’s poking his head out.”

  • http://www.geocities.com/tuahodog/#dudes kidfarthest

    boot camp. couldn’t poop for two weeks. ate like a rhino with a tapeworm (but very, very quickly– under the gun, y’know). no idea where it went. dooce speaks deep, deep truths with few words. i worship her.

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