• http://www.tiny-empire.com/cicada/ cicada

    JP, that’s twice in as many days that you’ve mentioned Oprah here. If we were on Oprah.com, that would be one thing, but this is Dooce, for God’s sake. We talk about poop here. Unless you have some kind of poop fetish that you’d like to engage in *with* Oprah. Then it’d be totally OK.

  • http://www.brettlamb.com blamb

    Carbonated beverage.

  • http://www.digitalcatharsis.com the mighty jimbo

    a bubble wrap room would be my both my heaven and my torture. I am genetically incapable of putting a sheet of bubble wrap down until i have popped every last one of those little fuckers.

  • KT

    on the coke subject:
    dooce, you are completely right. it’s a southern thing to ask for a coke and expect to get a variety of choices, everything from classic coke to dr. pepper to that weird blue mountain dew drink that is kinda gross. you ‘sodi-pop’ people perplex me. what kind of word is ‘sodi’?

  • Red

    Choose an apple over the Snickers and you might not need the Citrucel.

  • http://homepage.mac.com/mrjerz/ Certified

    Somebody must have gotten their nails did today.

  • http://www.bloody-hell.com/ Cory

    Coke my ass. I suppose you are going to get on your high horse and say it is not duck duck freaking pheasant either. Pshaw!

  • Bruce

    Just a layin’ here on the couch( or sofa ) with a righteous buzz, feeding the munchies with a Snickers, sipping on a gin and Coca Cola from a styrofoam cup, poppin’ my bubblewrap in time to Missy Elliot’s cover of Stairway to Heaven, proudly waiting for the Metamucil to kick in.

  • http://www.chadcrowell.com Chad’s Favorite Bridesmaid

    Rarely do I disagree with you, but Coke is always Coca-Cola–never a generic term for a selection of sodas.

    And under no circumstances should someone bring me a Pepsi if I order a Coke. There IS a difference.

    And if I say Coke, I don’t mean Diet Coke. Did I say diet before I said Coke? Regardless of the fact that, if I insist on drinking a Coca-Cola product I should be choosing Diet Coke, there is no substitute.

  • http://www.leximancer.net/ Devon

    Having been a waiter, I shall present my professional opinion that a Coke is indeed anything from a Cola-Cola classic to a A&W Cream Soda to that nasty Sunkist orange stuff. Stupid northerners. G’won, go’n git me a Coke, double-quick!

  • nora

    Having grown up near Bawlmer (that’s Baltimore for you above the Mason-Dixon line folks,) you simply haven’t experienced a diner if the beehived and blue eye-shadowed middle-aged waitress hasn’t asked you if you’d like “a Coke-Coke, a Diet-Coke, a Pepsi-Coke or a Sprite-Coke, darlin’.” (And remember, “Coke” is pronounced “k’oh-wke.”

  • http://misspriss.org/weblog/ Cyberangel

    pop? not on this west coast. it’s soda in so cal. but i grew up in the midwest w/”pop”. got to cali & no one knew what i was talkin’ ’bout. Harumph!

  • JoeBillionaire

    Isn’t it interesting that people from European countries refer to things by their brand names.

    Any type of camera = Kodak
    All vacuum cleaners = Hoover
    Any type of dark soda = Pepsi/Coke
    Any type of rice dish = pilaf
    Food processor = Moulinex
    Watches = Timex


  • http://dvloranger@aol.com dvl

    and the Canadian “Kraft Dinner” in lieu of Mac-N-Cheese….

  • http://www.jeanettecline.com/ Jeanette

    Deep fried twinkies are pretty dang good. I’ve never had a deep fried mars bar (but they have always been my fave candy bar) but if you like ‘em you’d better go out now and buy every mars bar you can find because the company isn’t going to make them anymore–they are replacing them with Snickers with Almonds.

  • http://www.aubreysabala.com aubs

    My mother would be standing up and cheering re: your Citrucel comment, being that she is a drug rep and that’s her product, and also believes that Citrucel could save the world? Cancer? Hangnail? Have a cup of Citrucel, Aubrey. It’s the Windex of Big Fat Methodist Weddings…
    Speaking of, I can seriously hook you up with a lifetime supply of it — just let me know and the goods will be at your doorstep shortly…

  • http://bornalion.org jess

    kraft dinner comes from a box with a bag of fake cheese. totally fucking disgusting.

    mac-n-cheese is home made, baked in the oven, and so fucking good.

  • http://www.bobupndown.com/austin austin

    while “coke” can technically be used for any variety of carbonated drink in the south, “cold drink” is really the old school way to say it down here. i mean, you never, ever ask for sweet tea down here. it’s redundant. if you ask for iced tea, just assume it’s already sweetened.

  • http://students.vassar.edu/kacostello k8lin

    in our house this summer, we somehow got hold of a very long (almost never-ending) supply of bubble wrap. Living with me and two 20-year-old boys is a lot like living in a garbage dump, but we did manage to beautify the place with bubble-wrapped walls, a bubble-wrap rug, and bubble-wrap curtains.

  • http://www.injust-spring.com Alex

    Just like “corn flakes” can be Coco Puffs, Frosted Flakes, Rice Krispies any and all of it!

    And going back to the Missy, this borders between madness and pure genius:

    “Love Will Freak Us”
    featuring Missy E’s “Get ur Freak On” vs. Joy Division’s “Love Will Tear Us Apart” only at Dsico, that no-talent hack’s site:

  • http://blab-o-rama.com Beerzie Boy

    That’s funny Snickers bars make me paranoid, too, though they are not as intense as Milky Way bars.

    That’s why I stick to weed.

  • MÂns

    JoeBillionaire is so wrong!! We don’t call things by their brand name. The English may say Hoover, but that’s it! Have you ever been to Europe (there’s a lot of different countries here). We’re really awfully sophisticated…

  • http://shyeyes.org shy

    sorry for the interruption but i thought dooce might like this site:


    drag and drop your magnetic words (from your site) to make a dooce-poem! :)

    i’m sorry. us geeks thinks stuff like this is cool.

  • http://www.geocities.com/yahmdallah/ Yahmdallah

    That southern “coke” thing threw me for an entire season when I lived in Florida. Then I moved back to the (relative) sanity of the midwest and had to learn to ask for “pop” again. I wonder if the Coke people know they’ve broken the Xerox and Kleenex barrier in the southern states?

  • JoeMillionaire

    MÂns, have YOU been out of England? Yes, many people from the European countries and the Middle east DO call things by their brand names.

    Any type of tissues = Kleenex
    Coffee = Nescafe
    Washing Detergent = Tide
    Toothpaste = Crest

  • chizantski

    1. do dirty blondes of slightly less fun? 2. i love poop and 3. Led Zepplin kinda scares me, i think i was twisted by some concert video i saw of theirs, when i was a kid and robert plant just scared the shit outta me, all that falsetto signing. yes al green and sam cooke can get away with it, mr. plant? i don’t know. I did see him on vacation once in St. Lucia. He was staying at some posh bugelow hotel and the hot water busted, so he had to come stay at our slightly less posh bungelow hotel. He was with his wife and his girlfriend. the horror!

  • http://www.meamea.blogspot.com Miss Mea-Mea

    Why thanks, Heather #2! I’m not there anymore, wah.

    Pop. Hmm. Add an ‘o’ and you have ‘poop.’

    There. I knew I could get poop in there somehow.

  • Danika

    Deep fried Mars bars sound totally tasty!! I can not believe they aren’t making Mars! I am going out and buying many many cases!

    When I go to a restuarant and I ask for coke I want coca-cola (or pepsi…there is a difference but if the restaurant has only coca cola I’ll accept that). If I ask for Pop I expect them to say “what kind of pop”.


  • http://n/a moose

    What would be really cool is if we could move those doocely word magnets to make our own poems! Now I’d put THOSE on my fridge.

  • http://www.pooppals.com/ kingPOO
  • Danika

    You can move them Moose. Or at least I could.

  • http://www.mistercrunchy.com Yankee Chris

    If you want a tonic, just say “tonic.”

  • suoica

    i think anything drinkable with bubbles (but not champagne) is a coke.

    and i’m glad you’re back. you were missed.

  • chunderchud

    you know, if you say you want a pop, you’re really just saying that you want a shasta. (queue colored keyboard)

  • http://tmj@digitalcatharsis.com the mighty jimbo

    uh…why would anyone deep fry a mars bar? to make it any less healthy? why not wrap it in bacon and dip it in cheese too.

  • jenlovesjezebill


  • http://coinz.org Shane

    Because bacon and cheese *obviously* don’t go with deep-fried Mars bars, Jimbo. Had I said deep-fried corn dogs, you’d be down with the program.

  • PJ

    I like Dr. Pepper because I can pretend I’m hanging out with Garth Brooks and having a rocking good time without drinking alcohol!

    Also, Carson Daly is a major dweeb with a HUGE forehead.

  • http://www.tangomoon.ca amanda

    I was in a little art gallery, out in the hick town I used to live in, and I was in their back room getting my ghetto birdfeeder ready to hang (my art class got to hang our handmade feeders on the trees outside of the gallery, right next to the bronze boob). Anyway, I see a mutherin’ large roll of bubble wrap sitting in a corner and finding it hard to resist I popped the shit out of many a bubble. I got in shit, nazis!

  • Michael

    I’m pretty sure that someone did a study on what soft drinks were called in different parts of the country. I think they got federal money for it and everything.

  • http://bornalion.org jess

    chocolate, caramel and bacon? there’s a combination i want nothing to do with.

  • The Drifter

    dooce, you have NO idea how much crap my southern ladyfriend has given me over this coke thing. it opened up a whole can of worms of “where ahm from”s that’s not half-empty yet. and i, being from utah, never have good responses, damnit.

  • http://www.chriscrosdale.com Cros

    I hate to even bring this up, noting the amount of “poop” referrences here, but… “poopy reds”?

  • http://tsangenterprise.com/swisskriss.htm Louis Armstrong

    Swiss Kriss beats the shit out of Citrucel, pun intended.

  • tenaciousg

    For what it’s worth, here is your website today as translated by the Shizzolator:

    A Selection of Recent, Random ‘n Wholly Unrelated Observations, Volume III
    Sometimes when Jon opens a Snickers Bar ‘n passes that shiznit me I feel as naughty as if tha dude wuz passing me a joint n’ shit. There’s just no difference, except one makes me high, ‘n da other one makes me paranoid, know what I’m sayin’?

    I used like Led Zeppelin.”

    Blondes has that shiznit better than septic tank poopy reds, know what I’m sayin’?

    Styrofoam cups change da taste of gin martinis.”

    If I had ’nuff paper be on MTV’s Cribs, I’d has an entire room covered in blubble-wrap, wit bubble-wrap area rugs ‘n a bubble-wrap recliner, ‘n I’d walk around stylin in my bubble-wrap bling n’ shit.

    I’d totally believe in a Heavenly Father if Missy Elliot could be da Heavenly Mother, know what I’m sayin’?

    Citrucel tastes better than Metamucil.”

    How many times do I has go over this? When I ax if yo’ ass would please get me a Coke, yo’ ass’re supposed ax me what kind of Coke, because I could mean a Sprite or a Dr.” Pepper, yo’ ass Yankee n’ shit.

    Pride is what yo’ ass had, baby brizzle, I am what yo’ ass has, know what I’m sayin’?

  • http://n/a moose

    Danika, for some reason, I cannot move them. ??? Oh well.

  • http://quixotical.org Anna

    No, no, no. It’s a SODA – not a Coke or a Pop. And PLEASE tell me you do not refer to a movie as a “show.”

  • http://www.seancoburn.com/indecentbystander Sean

    Zeppelin’s early albums still kick major ass! Pop is a generic carbonated beverage blanket that covers coke, pepsi, 7-up, etc.

  • http://hammerland.net/ Xanthan

    1) The only people on the West Coast who call it “pop” are midwestern transplants. The generic “Coke” has always been what I’ve used. See http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/
    ~almccon/pop_soda/ for a more in depth look…

    If the styrofoam makes your gin taste bad, you must not be drinking enough. You’re not putting that Citricel in it, are you?!

    3) USED to like Zeppelin? USED to? What happened girl? Drop Axl, but Led Zeppelin? Oh, I hope the Husband can talk some sense in to the Dooce (or pound it in with that subwoofer he bought!).

  • http://www.abbynormal.org suicideblonde

    Pop here in southern Ohio is any sort of carbonated soft drink. A soda is pop with ice cream and Coke is a Coke.