the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Settle the Score

My husband seems to think that “crayon,” as in “Crayola Crayon” is pronounced “cray on,” as if it were two words, like “go put the cray on the table.”

And we all know that it’s not two words.

The correct pronunciation of “crayon” is “crown,” as in “gimme the brown crown.”

Now that we all agree, I’m going to sleep.

  • Toby

    2003/02/23 at 9:33 pm

    How, then, does one pronounce ‘rayon?’

  • April

    2003/02/23 at 9:34 pm

    And may you dream in Crayola color.

  • dooce

    2003/02/23 at 9:34 pm

    “rayon” is pronounced “rown,” of course.

  • Richard Barkins

    2003/02/23 at 9:47 pm

    How about we forget the whole crayon thing and dream of me?

  • Summer

    2003/02/23 at 9:57 pm

    Cray. On. Definately Cray-on.

  • Kayt

    2003/02/23 at 10:11 pm

    In the Midwest (where I spent the first 17 years of my life), crayon is pronounced “cran”– no long A sound, no O. Pretty scary, huh? And don’t even get me started on how to pronouce “coupon” and “milk”!

  • Agatha

    2003/02/23 at 10:11 pm

    Cray-ola cray-ons are cray-zy!

  • the mighty jimbo

    2003/02/23 at 10:14 pm

    dooce, take out the needle, and go get help.

    (ya know, she is still the motherfucking greatest even when she is completely fucking wrong. )

  • Katie

    2003/02/23 at 10:36 pm

    I so agree with your husband.

  • megchem

    2003/02/23 at 11:12 pm

    djblur is in the right…sorry? Next thing you know…roooof is ruf and Flooorida is Flarda….wtf?

  • megchem

    2003/02/23 at 11:14 pm

    Oh yeah I almost forgot…doooorothy would be darthy…. huh…

  • JoeBillionaire

    2003/02/23 at 11:19 pm

    Damn… there are surveys done on everything.

  • Grace

    2003/02/23 at 11:34 pm

    I’m with Kayt and Cran, like Cran-Berry. I’ve never heard anything funny with the word milk but if people can warp “forty” into “farty” then I guess anything’s possible.

  • Janice

    2003/02/23 at 11:37 pm

    no no, crayon is most definetly not pronounced “crown” there was a girl in my grade two class that always said it that way and it made me mad. I don’t know why, but it did. crayon should be pronounced crayon, no silly spaces inbetween or shortening.. craayooon. whew. sorry, i have word issues i think

  • Grace

    2003/02/23 at 11:38 pm

    Maybe it’s more like Cray-In. Yeah, that’s more like it.

  • shem

    2003/02/23 at 11:49 pm

    For what it’s worth, I’m British and I say definitely “crown”.

  • Dyanna

    2003/02/24 at 12:11 am

    I, too, agree with Hubby.

  • Kate

    2003/02/24 at 1:00 am

    Crown. Definitely. Anything else is wrong.

  • superstar

    2003/02/24 at 4:30 am

    It is totally a Crown!!!!

  • wino

    2003/02/24 at 5:07 am

    Somebody gots some “Crown”?

  • e

    2003/02/24 at 5:18 am

    I vote cray-on. And for christ’s sake – gif, not jif. sheesh…

  • ryan

    2003/02/24 at 5:27 am

    Crayola make cray-ons, not crowns 😉

  • Ismat

    2003/02/24 at 5:29 am

    Dooce, I love you and all, but really, it’s not “crown.” Or “cran,” for my fellow midwesterners.

    It is CRAY-ON.

  • Paul Gutman

    2003/02/24 at 5:30 am

    I’m with Blurb on this one. For agreement’s sake, I just say “pass me the turquoise one, asshole.”

  • presley

    2003/02/24 at 5:31 am

    my aunts favorite crayon color is carmel pecan mayonnaise

  • MovieGirl

    2003/02/24 at 5:39 am

    In the midwest Crayon is pronounced “Cran”, but Rayon is “Ray-on.”

  • pinky

    2003/02/24 at 5:47 am

    OK, I am from the midwest, so I know its cray-ahn, cou-pahn, and mulk. Also, Alan Thicke’s TV show is called “Groin Pains.”

  • antisocial diva

    2003/02/24 at 5:49 am

    i am one of the “cray on” folks.

  • aubs

    2003/02/24 at 6:08 am

    Cran. As in Cranberry juice. Cranberry colored Crans are good too…

  • Keri

    2003/02/24 at 6:12 am

    Damn… Now you’ve got me sitting at my computer saying to myself, “Crayon…? Craaaaan. Cra-ahn…” over and over like a mental patient.

  • Sarah B.

    2003/02/24 at 6:24 am

    I hate to do this to you again, especially after the clog incident last year, but I’m with Jon on this one.

  • Lisa

    2003/02/24 at 6:27 am

    Me too, Keri.

  • Bj¯rnsky

    2003/02/24 at 6:28 am

    Cray on, dude!

  • Tim

    2003/02/24 at 6:43 am

    I think Aubs and Keri are the closest. Cran, with a slight extension on the “a”. Definitely. No argument.

  • Benjy

    2003/02/24 at 6:44 am

    I’m siding with Kayt and Grace on this one — CRAN!

  • galt

    2003/02/24 at 6:59 am

    my sunday school teacher used to pronounce the name of the wax coloring utensil ‘crane’. then i renounced catholicism.

    i agree with all y’all that be puttin a hyphen all up in there…it’s cray-on. not cray. on.


  • PJ

    2003/02/24 at 7:02 am

    I don’t see no stinking ‘w’ in that word. Nor have I ever heard anyone ever say it like that. That is just wrong.

    About as wrong as my husband saying ‘cats-up’ instead of the obviously correct ‘ketch-up.’

  • Ric

    2003/02/24 at 7:10 am

    Cray-on… But then again, I’m a Canuck, and still haven’t figured out the whole “house” as “hoose” controversy.

  • Beerzie Boy

    2003/02/24 at 7:22 am

    He doesn’t say liberry, does he? I hate that.

  • April

    2003/02/24 at 7:23 am


  • the mighty jimbo

    2003/02/24 at 7:25 am

    I understand that by being from the midwest, this might be difficult for many of you to follow. But concentrate, and you can get it too. This is quite elemantary (that means easy) and should be much easier for you to accept than say, oh, the theory of evolution or the Democratic party.

    One word. Two syllables. Crayon. It’s right there in the dictionary. Go check. Cray-on (kra’on).

    Color inside the lines kids. Inside the lines. I’ll stop being a patronizing, self-righteous little motherfucker and will go back to work now.

  • the mighty jimbo

    2003/02/24 at 7:28 am

    ya know, my arguments would be way cooler if i could only learn how to spell.

    yep. i suck.

  • Brenda

    2003/02/24 at 7:35 am

    Cray-on, emphasis on the cray. I’ve never heard it pronounced as one syllable and assume that this is some freaky American defiling of the word.

  • slackjaw

    2003/02/24 at 7:41 am

    It’s not “cray-on”
    it’s not “Crown”
    it’s not “cran”

    It’s “Craen”

  • nessa

    2003/02/24 at 7:42 am

    never heard ‘crown’ in reference to a coloring device before. depending on how fast i’m talking, i go between ‘cran’ and ‘cray-on’. no space. i’m also from the midwest, but i’ve never had the ‘accent’.

  • Los Feliz freak

    2003/02/24 at 7:45 am

    Dooce- you’ve never been so wrong. Check out Look up “crayon.” You can listen to someone pronouncing the word correctly, although your husband already is.

  • Naaman

    2003/02/24 at 7:52 am

    I would’ve agreed with Jon were I there in the heat of the debate, as I’ve always pronounced it cray-on. But, I figured I’d check before blabbing too much.

    I rest my case.

  • Sam

    2003/02/24 at 8:03 am

    cray-on, definitely.

  • Paul Gutman

    2003/02/24 at 8:08 am

    I think that the people who actually broke out the dictionary took a lot of fun out of the argument.

    Also, I think that there’s always room for changing pronunciation…it’s just that I’m right.

    Hyphens, baby, hyphens.

  • Vera

    2003/02/24 at 8:08 am

    I think it’s pronounced “cry in” as in “I like to cry in the shower.”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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