• http://www.troll-baby.com Karen Rani

    What ’til she discovers alcohol. Wheeeee!

  • http://dailypiglet.blogspot.com/ Piglet

    I was devastated when they took my favorite show, “30 Something” off the air. And, I actually cried when the College professor guy died. Yes, I realize that I actually mourned a character that I did not actually even know!

    The first pool experience is fun, as is the next and the next, etc….

  • http://fishygirl.typepad.com FishyGirl

    Delurking to say sorry the little princess is sick. My two-year old (she’s 1 month younger than Leta) loves Leta, begs me to show her picture and movies over and over again – just like Elmo. Hope Leta’s feeling better soon.

  • http://plazajen.blogspot.com Jennifer in Kansas City

    I thought the resemblace began with “Waller” (it sounds so Southern.) However, now y’all can waller in the misery of the cold and Elmo-harming via opera. Oh, yeah, if you guys have an Einstein bagel out there? Don’t let her near it – they have a new “spicy Elmo sandwich”.

  • http://www.outsidevoice.net pammer

    There are two things I know well from this post:
    1. The Water. It is large. And wet. And maybe scary.
    2. The Clothes. Why are they touching me when I’m sick?

    Thanks for giving me a reason to laugh out loud at these things that used to make my head explode.

    (But the water? Is still large and wet.)

  • http://rivetergirl.blogspot.com rivetergirl

    Ah, the sick child. The only choice for sanity is, of course, medicine with opium and quaaludes — for you and a piece of furry fabric for Leta that she can rub herself on.

  • http://sashietypes.blogspot.com/ Ohsalita

    File Under: PENIS

  • Nancy

    Oh geez . . . I had to go all through that typepad security stuff and register and sign in so that I could make a comment. And by the time I was done, I forgot what I was going to say!! Anyway, I love your blog, I click all of your ads, and my daughter and I dote on Leta and Chuck.

  • http://bloodsugarmagik.livejournal.com/ SilverSeraphim

    You want to know what’s really bad? When both you and your child’s father share similar behavioral characteristics (like stubborness), so when your child starts showing that characteristic, there is uncertainty as to who gets the blame for it.

    Of course, it’s always *his* fault. :D

  • http://www.megfowler.com Meg

    I still feel like that about sleeping. Though less screaming for Elmo and more for John Cusack.

  • http://mfflood@msn.com Mary Frances

    hmmm, I think boys are certainly different. There are times when, if it werent’ for the fact that I actually saw my sons come out of my body, I would swear they don’t have any of my DNA. Testosterone is a very strange thing. The remarkable thing about sickness though, is that regardless of DNA, they will always need their mommy…which is great most of the time except for the boogars and the barf etc.

  • http://alithinks.typepad.com Alison

    Ah, I remember waller. I forget when it happened, but my daughter started saying “water” at some point. Well, “wadder,” I should say.

    Her father (who’s not a native English speaker) was convinced she had a speech defect during the waller days. *giggles to self*

  • http://melinor.blogspot.com MelanieinOrygun

    You can tell it’s an awesome Dooce post when it has the phrase “like the first time I was forced to look at a penis” in it. And also that you have to look down at your desk to prevent everyone in your office from seeing the crazylady hyena grin you’re wearing in reaction to above phrase.

  • http://shoeism.blogspot.com Thérèse

    Hee. It’s nice to see the family resemblence pop up at you like that. Reassuring in a very… opera-fearing way.

  • http://www.paintingchef.com PaintingChef

    Someone get that child a cabana boy to bring her goldfish crackers.

  • http://jonniker Jonniker

    But does she care what Elmo does? Does she CARE whether Elmo gets engaged, or has sex with…some other muppet, I guess? Does she feel like she and Elmo are FRIENDS, even though he is fictional?

    Not that I would know about that level of involvement in television, ahem, no. Certainly not.

  • ChickNurse

    I see that too in my kids, that they are like me. It makes me very sad. They look like their father and act like me. I guess they are made 50% from me and 50% from him. Too bad, I wish they looked and acted like him, life would be much easier.

  • http://www.supersimbo.co.uk supersimbo

    so i stumbled across your site from a link on my mate shaun grove’s blog and mmm i start reading your post and im thinking, ok thats a nice story but the thing that will bring me back to this site is the wonderful “green mustache of snot” part of your story………………amazing, great use of words!!

  • http://eyesaverted.blogspot.com/ Wicked H

    Feel better soon Froggie Princess!

  • http://sadandbeautiful.typepad.com Sarah

    What a sweetie-pie to be worried for Elmo like that. I, too, am a bit afraid of Andrea.
    I hope she feels better soon!

  • http://eurekablyth.com Bekah

    Does Elmo pronounce it CRAY-on or CROWN?

  • http://dollface.net/ Doll

    My very best friend as a little girl was the stuffed animal Odie. I remember crying everytime Garfield kicked Odie in the cartoon and I would cradle my Odie doll closer and reassure him that he was safe with me.

    And then I’d go outside and toss him up into the air as high as I could throw him just to see how high that would be, and sometimes, I wouldn’t catch him when he fell. Kids are weird.

  • Josh_Ward

    Long Time Listener, First Time Caller…
    Enjoy the site every day Dooce.

  • http://www.nothingbutbonfires.com Nothing But Bonfires

    Screw Elmo — the litmus test will be if you sit her down in front of an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Will she care about the Meredith/Derek/Addison love triangle? Will she shout DR MCDREEEEEAAAAMY! with the same intensity she shouts ELMOOOOO? Will she want to stuff a sandwich into Ellen Pompeo’s mouth every time she comes on screen? Will she kind of want to be Sandra Oh? Will she? Will she? Will she?

  • http://wendrina.blogspot.com wendy

    Cold medicine…the happy place between sleeping and being awake.

  • brandy

    When I was 2 or 3 I woke up from a nightmare sobbing and screaming for Big Bird, I had a nightmare that he was dead and it was devestating.

    Of course Elmo didnt exsist back then.

  • http://www.bigcitysmallworld.blogspot.com Brian

    I was watching the same scene with Andrea and Elmo this morning. It was the only time all morning that my daughter remained still.

    Also, that blasted song has been in my head all day.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/24392469@N00/ DravenStele

    My daughter does very much the same thing. She will mope to her mini-papazan chair when she’s not feeling well. She’ll huddle in her blanket with a thumb in her mouth. If I even think about changing the channel from Elmo or the Wiggles, she roll her eyes at me as if to say, “You GOT to be shitting me! Turn it back to my show or I will disembowel you with my sippy cup.”

    Poor things. Hope you feel better.

  • http://laquet.blogspot.com laquet

    Oh poor little petal … go swimming more often, immunity to icky germs will arrive one day! However I am a left lip curler!

  • http://www.bunnydesign.com/ Big Bunny

    My son Max screamed E-L-M-OOOOOO and shrieked repeatedly during the Andrea Bocelli segment in that same Sesame Street episode. I think he thought Elmo was in distress?! It was a wild response to behold.

  • rebecca

    Bwahaha! I love it! I love it! At least that’s what I tell myself every day while I’m walking around the yard with a paper bag and my heavy duty pooper scooper.

    Heather, you are too funny. Oddly enough, today I too had been faintly reminiscing – not altogether unpleasantly – about my first penis viewing. Am I channeling?

    And like Valerie, my lip only curls from the right – but I can flare my nostrils at the same time.

  • tlc_jaba

    “Like the first time I was forced to look at a penis”… Hilarious! Poor thing, I hope she feels better, soon.

  • Shiz

    Poor Leta! I *hate* it when my clothes are touching me.

    Is it too early to teach her about the soothing effects of vodka?

  • http://www.kerrianne.org kerri

    I can still remember the stories and accompanying pictures of my first poolside experience. My grandma was holding a bonnet-adorned me, and I was giving her the “you are crazy, woman” look as she proceeded to blow bubbles in front of me. Apparently in our family it was blow bubbles first, swim later.

  • OutOfTune

    You had me until “green mustache of snot from her lip”.
    That’s not very nice to do to somebody with a hangover.
    I think I must excuse myself now…

  • http://hypermetamorphic.blogspot.com sasha

    I hope you both feel better soon…

    Your pictures of Leta are amazing. “Wispy” makes my heart stick in my throat.

  • http://www.svrspy.blogspot.com Scarlet

    I can’t wait to see how my kids are like me. I just hope they have better singing voices.

  • ksdavies

    My sister-in-law told my husband and I about this book. It was a fabulous help to her with not only her 3 children, but the children she teaches, as well.

    The Highly Sensitive Child : Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them by Elaine Aron

    She’s not talking about sensitive emotionally, at least not just that. You mentioned things like Leta saying her clothes are touching her…it’s exactly the kind of comments these kids make. You might check it out. I hope it’s helpful.

  • mellly

    I hope you feel better soon so you can enjoy some more swimming.

  • Jezzie

    Whoa there, you are treading on my territory with the penis repulsion….and now,after 15 hetero years and 2 kids, my girlfriend and I are happily …oh, I digress.
    I agree about medication, children’s sleepy tylenol and such are wonderful, it makes them feel so much better, just pour, apply, repeat until child is back to normal.
    Trust me, its easier on EVERYONE. Being sick is scary for kids.
    My 6 year old son came home from the pool the other day with his first ever headache, and after 45 minutes of lying down with a cool cloth and tylenol he finally sighed resignedly, “I’m gonna die”.
    Too real, man, too real.

  • http://verygeorge.com GEORGE!

    I thought big bird was a girl?

    He’s pretty gay then…

  • http://wealhtheow.diaryland.com wealhtheow

    If Andrea Bocelli were singing to my beloved television friend, I’d be deeply concerned as well. God, how I hate him. Hate him, hate him, hate him.

  • http://wwwranting.blogspot.com Muffin

    I had those swimming lessons at the YMCA as well- I wouldn’t get into any water at all (not even the bathtub) for years after that. I was okay until they got to the part where they held my head under water. Then hell, it broke loose.

  • http://peytonsplace.diaryland.com Erika

    That’s actually one of my favorite skits on Sesame Street. Does that make me weird?

  • http://alivicwil.livejournal.com alivicwil

    as a swim teacher, who’s had many years of enticing freaked out kidlets into the water, can I recommend holding Leta on your hip (so her toes are abouve the waterline), singing a favourite song, and swaying. As you sway, dip your knees every so often, so her toes get closer to the water. Don’t stop singing or moving as she gets wet, just keep going, and dipping lower and lower. You can sometimes get all the way down before the kid realises. Then, some kids are totally cool about it; others, though, freak out again!

    Don’t have any advice for the snot machine, though – I only have them for half an hour once a week. Good luck!!

  • niqaeli

    //But pseudoephedrine is scary scary stuff. I just heard that Crack is a derivative of that stuff.//

    Crack is a form of cocaine, which is derived from the coca plant. You’re thinking of methamphetemine which can be derived from pseudephedrine. However, that process requires a great deal of pseudoephedrine as well as a number of other chemicals as well–it’s certainly not something you could whip up in your bathroom from a package of Sudafed.

    Heather–this entry caused me to flash back to my first swimming lessons. I couldn’t have been more than four. My Poppop had a pool, and he took me out and gave me a pair of those silly-looking inflatable arm bands. I remember holding on to the edge of the shallow end, learning to breathe properly to swim. I was terrible about breathing slowly. I’d let all my air out at once and then gasp for more and I only ever really improved when I started playing flute many years later. After that he took me out to deeper waters, and taught me to tread water, which is just about the most inefficient and unpleasant way of keep one’s head above water but everyone should know, just in case.

    Thank you, Heather, for bringing back those memories of my Poppop–I haven’t nearly enough of them. :)

  • http://kimba-bremen.com kim from germany

    poor thing. i hope she feels better soon.