• http://heidirenee.blogspot.com Heidi Renée

    Leta is a genius.

    When I tell my husband that I have my period and it HUUURTS, he will do anything for me. ANYTHING. Even when I’m on the third week of “period.”

    I’m guessing he missed that day in sex-ed class. I see no reason to enlighten him.

  • http://rachieann.com Rachie

    Your daughter is really so cute. I think I was that way about chocolate when I was little. Wait, I’m still that way about chocolate. Maybe she’ll never grow out of it.

  • Liz W-G

    My normally delightful 17 year old (no really–no teenage angst here) daughter turns into a disgusting, bum-bum, booger, poo-poo head once a month. I keep a stash of the good stuff on hand for the occasions. Lindt chocolates perform miracles….trust me you will thank me for this advice in the future.

  • Nhiro

    In reference to your daily photo, I have to agree with your hubby about the fridge in the garage. You can’t have enough, I’m serious. You need one in your backyard, one in your basement, one in your bedroom. All full of booze. My aunt had at least four in her house, filled with all kinds of delightful alcoholic beverages and let me tell you: BEST VACAY EVER.

  • http://notesfromthesleepdeprived.blogspot.com Wendy

    Wow! What a little actress. She’s going to have some man bending to her every whim in a few years. Come to think of it, she probably already has her dad doing everything she wants already, so…

  • Katie

    That sounds so much like something my three-year old would say!

  • http://heylucy.typepad.com lucy

    Regarding your lovely quilt in today’s Daily Style, you might try using Effordent to clean it. Let a bunch of Effordent tablets fizz up in a few inches of tepid water in your tub, swish it around, and drop in the quilt. I’ve done the same many times with vintage table linens, and gotten all sorts of mysterious brown spots out.

  • http://jessinfocus.blogspot.com Jessica

    LOL! I love it! She is so smart. Chocolate fixes everything.

  • http://sillygrrl.com Sarah

    Nothing to do with this post, but I have a suggestion for your beloved quilt. Some churches have quilting circles that would rehabilitate it for you. My grandma belongs to one and they fix up old quilts all the time.

  • e

    AHA! a place i can comment! about the quilt: no drycleaning, what you want is colgate octagon soap. it will take anything out and not hurt the thing. you can use it on your face, on all delicates. really, all you have to do is wet the spot and rub the bar on it till it’s soapy. let it sit a minute and then smoosh it up with your fingers some. rinse it off and see if it’s still there: if so, do it again but let it sit for awhile, making sure it’s wet. it will be gone, no matter what it is. great for sheets, too, and kids? australian dogs? nuff said. it wasn’t always colgate’s, it’s been around 100 years or so, but there still isn’t anything better and colgate has it now, but it’s hard to find in stores. you can google it and order it online, though.

  • http://thegloriouslifeof.blogspot.com The Alleged Ringleader

    It’s actually cute knowing Leta may be a lying liar who lies, in training.
    She is really smart!

  • http://spandrelstudios.blogspot.com Spandrel STudios

    Love seeing little kids generalize like that. When my nephew was about 4, he wanted to go to to the local swim club, but his Mom (my sister) said he couldn’t because his grandfather was visiting them for the afternoon.

    So my nephew turned to his grandfather and said: “Grandpa, can you go home, now?”

    My sister, flabbergasted, sputtered to my nephew, “That’s not very polite!”

    So my nephew turned and politely clarified, “Grandpa, will you PLEASE go home, now?”

  • http://preteenstoddlersandnewbornsohmy.blogspot.com/ jennielynn

    So does Jon roll his eyes and say, “She’s so your kid” ? Because that’s what Mr. Clairol does and I’m wondering how long the welt will last when I do finally smack him silly.

  • http://nosirree.blogspot.com ubers

    my baby cousin did nearly the same thing. only 2 years old, not literate, yet we’re in the car, driving past the comforting pink and orange glow of a dunkin donuts, and she says ” beena! beena, my tummy hurts!” “oh no!” “uh, huh, i think it needs donuts.”

  • http://www.joegirl.com JoeGirl

    My two year old son won’t even touch a bite of his supper if anybody so much as mouths the words ‘ice cream’. It’s as if he says “What!? There’s ice cream? Well, why should I eat this shit if there’s ice cream to be had??? Bring it on!”

    Kids – they are crafty.

  • http://sunnypetropoullakis.blogspot.com Sunny

    Chocolate makes me feel better. I understand her urgency:-)
    Sometimes only an entire bag of Mint Milano cookies will fix it.

  • http://kristanhoffman.com/ Kristan

    Hehe, she’s a clever one.

    Next time tell her Coco LOOKED at all the chocolate treats. See if she still wants one then. ;)

  • http://skideewink.blogspot.com Dee

    Wow! Way to go Miss Leta! Chocolate is the utmost cure for all this wrong with this world. I bet if you told grandma that chocolate would fix global warming she would get on board with the rest of us liberals. By the way my new name is Aunt DoDeePooPooHead by way of my 5 year old niece!

  • http://www.besmartbegreen.com beSmartbeGreen

    Oh how chocolate does seem to fix everything. She’s caught on early :)

  • Kristine

    Heather, please promise the internet that you will still be blogging when Leta is 16. I can’t WAIT to hear of the excuses/reasoning she comes up with when you find the bourbon bottle under her bed. Absolutely hilarious. Kids say the damnedest things.

  • sarah

    My twin four year old boys call each other ‘dumb-dumb stinky.’ It is my absolute favorite insult to hurl as of late. It is slightly less satisfying than my prior favorite: motherfucker. ‘Dumb-dumb stinky’ goes over much better at work.

  • http://www.xanga.com/Bratfink Brat

    OMG, that child is too funny!

    About your blue flower quilt, it IS beautiful! The stains only add to its loveliness, which means it was used and loved. Maybe you should see about having it professionally repaired, then find a nice place to display it, either on a stand or on a wall.

    And then, make up a really good story about it, like how your forebears worked on it at nights around the fire in the cave. Because that’s what I would do.

    And because that kind of shit is fun to do.

  • http://vmacandcheese.wordpress.com Victoria

    Around Leta’s age, I started squeezing toothpaste into the toilet in the mornings. Then, I’d call my father in and say, “Daaaaadddddyyy, I threw up. I can’t go to school today.” Because, you know, Aquafresh and kid vomit look so much alike.

    When he was feeling generous, he’d let me stay home. Why not? It meant he got to call in to work with the excuse, “My kid is sick. Can’t come in today.”

  • http://fusionofme.blogspot.com/ Aisha

    The little boy I used to baby-sit did something similar, only it involved hacking as if his lungs had suddenly grown astro turf and then saying ‘my throat hurts, can I have a popsicle to make it better? PLEASE?!’ And then he would hack and hack and hack until I decided that a ruined dinner was better than my ruined sanity.

  • http://bitchymom.com Bitchy Mom

    OMG that is sooo funny! I don’t know what I would have done in that situation…

    Probably laugh uncontrollably.

    You’ll have to let us know what you do to fix the lying problem!

  • http://www.houndrat.com houndrat

    Perhaps in some cultures “poo poo head” is a label of respect. Okay, so I’m reaching here. And, by the way, my son’s favorite epithet is also a derivative of the same—are they handing out handbooks of the cool toddler curse words at preschool these days? Because I’m pretty sure the term “poo poo head” did not exist in either hubby’s or my own vocabulary prior to our son’s uttering it over the dinner table one day. We prefer the much more sophisticated words like “jackass” and “butt munch”, thank you very much.

    And as far as lying goes, here is our first experience with that involving peanut butter cups:

    But if they’re gonna lie, at least it’s for a good cause.

  • Lori W

    Jon must have the same problem as Wayne (my DH) and he watches too much Alton Brown too. Just wait until he tries the steak receipe in the oven and sets off all of the smoke alarms in the neighborhood. Seriously good eats but you will die from lung cancer…

    Tell Leta if she keeps it up she can be president of the USA! :p

  • Traci

    It’s so refreshing to know that my 4 year old is not the only overly-dramatic preschooler out there.

    I am beginning to wonder what exactly they teach these kids at “preschool”.

  • http://yogagrrl.wordpress.com Sarah

    When Spouse calls on his way home and I say, “Bring chocolate” he generally arrives with an assortment. She’s just ahead of the curve. ;)

  • http://www.baconismyenemy.com Giyen

    did you give her the chocolate or not?

    don’t you think she deserves it with that performance?

  • http://nikipaniki.wordpress.com niki

    Being a dessert junkie, I’d have to agree with Leta when she says a dessert will fix her tummy ache. But of course we all know the tummy ache is imaginary. Feigned illnesses sometimes get the desserts coming and, true enough, they almost always do. :)

  • http://www.papatv.com/ PAPA

    I understand Leta’s point. Chocolate is not good for dogs, so it is BETTER for Leta.

  • http://www.stuft.com.au STUFT

    My son convinced a student teacher that my husband was an astronaut – he’s a builder.

    But at least he got to keep his clothes on…

    my daughter had several mothers at school believing that I was pole dancer after seeing photos of me at a 1997 college party blind drunk and wearing a glitter wig.

    Classy, I know.

  • Tay

    Man, kids are so god damned funny at this age.

  • http://www.winningstartups.com Winning Startups

    You’re such a fantastic writer. My daughter is watching me read this article, asking, “Babba, what’s so funny?”

  • http://chelseypaul.typepad.com Chelsey

    Shit I just woke up the baby when I laughed out loud…thanks Heather!

  • http://forwhatitswirth.blogspot.com/ Katie

    Did someone name their daughter Nutmeg? (comments above)

    Beside the point…Leta is going to be trouble in the best way. I like her train of thought.

    More importantly, I like how a spray bottle was the weapon of choice against an out of control blaze.

  • http://www.janetnelson.net Janet

    One cold WINDY day in December in Green Bay, I decided to grill bratwurst for my daughter and son in law who had just returned from an Army tour in Korea. Figured they hadnt had any bratwurst for awhile.

    One minute the brats were doing just fine. The next minute my husband had to use the fire extinguisher to keep our house from nearly burning down.

    While I was disappointed not to serve them bratwurst for supper, I think I was more disappointed that the neighbors hadnt called the fire dept.

  • http://www.inevergrewup.net Vanessa

    Is it horrible that my two year old already says this :( That chocolate will fix her boo boos and her tummy aches, that probably is not good

  • http://vintagethirty.blogspot.com/ Tootsie Farklepants

    I caught my boneless pork ribs on fire the other night and not a plank in sight. I gotz skillz. I didn’t have a water bottle handy so I was all, “Kids, stay away from the bbq our dinner is on fire”.

  • Mama Jamie

    Seriously, my 5-year-old son does the same thing. He’s the same kid who tells me he wants to go home…when we are at home.

  • Anonymous

    I can’t wait to read stories about when she is calling you names that begin with “F”. hahaha. that’s funny. my kid yells out PICKLES when he is mad.

  • http://www.thebutterflymind.com Tammy

    When I was a little girl, my mother bought these giant Nestle chocolate bars. The word “Nestle” was imprinted in the chocolate about 6 times, so she cut up the bar and had a pile of letters that she would dole out to us, one letter a day. Can you say, “Thrifty?” I would beg her for another “letter” and no one had any idea what I was talking about. They just thought I was a weird child. And I was. Am I dating myself here?

  • A F

    That’s awesome. My two year old daughter’s stuffed koala is named Bum-Bum.

  • Anonymous

    This has reached legendary status in our family. During the Christmas break of his 3-year-old preschool year, we learned the preschooler’s ultimate insult. My husband (newly married into the family) had moved some toy to sit down and obviously irked the child. First, just a mumble and then very distinctly: “and you don’t know your colors!” What a wonderful way to meet the family…being dissed by a 3-year-old!

  • http://fishingaround.wordpress.com Fishing Around

    Leta’s a riot!!

  • http://www.slackermama.com/slackerpapa Kile

    My kids no better than to try that with me. They get absolutely no sympathy…

  • http://www.jodimichelle.com jodimichelle

    FYI – reading this on the drunk side of things makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever. I’m surprised I’m getting all the punctuation right here in the first place. Just had our very first Wince and Wine night – modeled after Sarah Brown’s Cringe night. It. Was. Awesome. Small dutch community in Holland, Mi has NO IDEA what’s coming.

    I am. And it’s loud.

  • Tay

    When I was four I used say, “I’m so full! No more dinner! … What’s for dessert?”

    My dad: I thought you said your stomach was full.

    Me: It is.

    Him: Then, where will you put your dessert?

    Me: That goes in my OTHER STOMACH. My DESSERT STOMACH.

  • http://www.mylucidreality.com Anonymous

    I love children,

    “It hurts so bad. A chocolate treat will fix it.”

    I think that’s a line I hear regularly… but not as much from my children.