*wipes away tear*

You've taught her so well. Proud!

I feel a tear coming to MY eye.

Damn good post!

Holy crap, this post makes me laugh like the mother of a four year old that I am!

Excellent (appropriate) use of a cuss word, Leta!

Our parenting is very similar. Instead of 'inside voices and outside voices', we have 'inside words and outside words'.....

Reminds me of the day a preschooler told me he could see my coochie. (which he could not because I was wearing pants and underwear) or the many times my son has decided to make himself throw up in public. Some people's kids. =)

Hard to believe its the same kid. At least she remembered where it was appropriate to use those kinds of words :)

My two favorites that my 7 year old niece uttered around the age of 3. Calling her grandfather an "idiot shit" in the car for bad driving AND in response to her mother calling her smarty pants, "Well you're a bastard pants."

I just wanted to leave a comment (the comments are usually closed by the time I read your posts) saying that I LOVE reading your blog!! I adore your snark :)

You are a superb writer...and seem to have the BEST source of material to write about!!

Leta's frickin hilarious!! (well, so are you ;) )

Jaimie (just a lurker)

chuckling.... gotta love the kidlets...:D

Damn, that's one hell of a kid you got there. :)

Hilarious.

I loved it when my 1 year old said 'fuck'.
Everyone thought she was saying Truck but I knew the truth :)

Too funny! Reminds me of the time I had to slam on my brakes for some fool who cut me off. We pulled up next to him at a stop light just a few blocks later. My then 2 year old (now 19) pointed at him and yelled, very clearly, "That guy's a son of a bitch, huh, mom?"

Did I mention both my son's window and the window of the other driver were down?

yeah...

I completely love you. If I was the kissing type, I would totally kiss you.

Leta=priceless.

That right there was a damn good family post.

who in the hell taught that baby to cuss?!!!! dammit.

Aaaand... the torch is passed to the next generation.

Oh, man, this thread is gonna make me giggle uncontrollably all day, right?

Bastard Pants just became my new insult.

My father's a pharmacist and his co-workers used to think it was HI-larious to teach me the names of the really serious narcotic and anti-psychotic drugs and then tell me to go ask my father for some of them. When I was three. I always did it, too. "Can I have some Haldol, Daddy?" It's a wonder I wasn't strangled in my crib.

A.

When we were in Kentucky visiting my (very Southern Baptist) grandparents, my 3 year old decided to park herself in the middle of their living room floor and stack blocks that my grandpa had made for her. When the tower collapsed, she hung her head and said, "Well, God DAMMIT."
I blamed Spongebob. (Like my grandparents are gonna know?)
I approve of Leta's upbringing. There is no more valuable skill than knowing how to curse appropriately!

Still laughing. I would have loved to see the over the shoulder manouver!! Hilarious. Can you imagine being a witness to that scene!! Anonymous #15, your niece is awesome. You should introduce her to Leta. Working with kids (kindergarten teacher) ...you wouldn't believe what you hear--Hilarious. As a mother of older kids I love to witness the mortification of preschool parents. Too funny, and you just want to say...just wait and see what they do to you when they are teens! HA! Oh to go back in time and relive those moments. Love your blog.

I just love reading Dooce, and your family makes me crack up.

I live in Houston, Texas and after Ike came through, we had power, water, but no internet. I was dying from my lack of daily Dooce. So glad both of you are back!

@#$%, if she isn't your kid after all.

;-)

This just made my day!

I would've got my ass whupped something awful for that kind of public tantrum.

Also, I have a very clear memory of swinging on stair post as a wee tot happily singing, "Shit, shit, shit" while my mother tells me to stop.

Wow, can't wait to see the responses to this post on Hate Mail day. You are a brave woman.

When I was about 2 my best friend couldn't pronounce my name (Sophie), and somehow the nearest approximation he could manage was "Fucky."

I'm sure our mothers would have discouraged this had they been able to stop laughing long enough to address it.

Good post. It's tricky, here in Utah - with all the rules of acceptable language, to help kids know that some words in some contexts (like just mom and dad and at home) are fine, but in front of gramma, grandpa, Primary teacher, etc. we probably should not say, "Dammit!" and not "Bammit" either. And while "what the ..." is okay, we mustn't go on to "what the hell?!"

Best of luck.

Z Gallery.

That was Leta?

I want that pillow too.

Oh thank the Gods my kids aren't the only ones who talk like adults!

Interesting post...I don't necessarily agree with that but you are allowed to do what you want with your own children. And I am on pins and needles about the dog name!

That kid is infinite shades of adorable.

You have a budding actress in the making.

Leta really knows how to push your buttons and you're learning how to teach her to keep her shit together in public over nonsense.

My kid still pulls this crap over wanting "stuff", but she is 22 yrs old. Curb it while you have the ability to teach her to how to not be a spilled brat.

I missed that parenting lesson!

Heather, she's so awesome.

My now-15-year-old cousin's first phrase was "fuck it." It was hysterical to 9-year-old me.

AWESOME.

LOVE to see a child using profanity in such an appropriate way.

Many years ago, I nannied for a child in NYC. Her parents had taught her all about the correct anatomical names for body parts. She was three. We were walking through a crowded Fairway grocery store, and she kept pulling on her underwear. I asked what the problem was, repeatedly, and finally, in exasperation, she yelled, "Lisa, MY VAGINA ITCHES!!!"

Everyone around us was quite amused. As, I'm sure, were the people in the store with the zebra pillow.

Damn smart kid that one.

That's adorable! I mean the way kids can exactly mimic their parents is hilarious. I wish there was a video because I'm sure the words were too cute coming out :)

Holy crap, you and your family own. Brave lady, I pray for your temperance in the hate mail department. Someone will definitely get their nuts twisted up over this. I remember when I was little asking my mom when I would be allowed to cuss, you know, just around the house and such. She said never, I promptly replied, "well, shit."

We have giant frog which the two year old is now referring to as a "giant fuck." The older kids delight in making Nicky say things like 'mother frog' (mother fuck) etc.

I have to admit, while I usually try to act mature, as if this is not funny, it's hysterical and often I can't help but to make him say a few "froggy" words myself when I think no one is listening.

KIDS....CAN'T LIVE WITH 'EM...CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT 'EM. JUST WAIT UNTIL IT IS YOUR TURN TO EMBARRASS LETA!!!!! YIPEEE!!!

The world is going to H-E-double hockey sticks out there in Mormon country and Leta Armstrong is leading the revolt. HIDE!

If we ever have kids, they are going to be incomprehensibly foul-mouthed... I blame the Navy.

Family legend has it that my mother spent a lot of energy telling my vulgar father to watch his language around me as a toddler.

That stopped when they found me digging through my toybox at age 2, saying "oh shit, oh shit, oh SHIT!" in a perfect imitation of my dear mother when she can't find something.

We like to remind her of this to this day, that she was the one who taught me how to swear properly.

Just last week my 1st grader told me he was supposed to make a word with pieces of paper in class. He made the word "crap". I told him he couldn't use words like that in school. His response was, "Well, I learned it from you." My answer was, "That's not right, because if you learned it from me it would have been 'shit'." He about fell out of his chair.

Leta is the most precocious kid! I would have had the spanking of my life if I had said anything like that around my parents. Or alternately the mouth washed out with soap routine. My Mom's worst cuss word was "dammit". Ah, growing up in the 60s!

Ha, I feel for Leta. I also have a hard time with the 'house only' language as well. Sometimes I find myself almost swearing and/or talking in 'dog language' out in public.

OMG I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard.

My daughter started saying 'son-of-a-bitch' in context(dropped a toy, stubbed a toe) at 18 months. And who taught her?? Grandma! The same one that was all over ME for MY language! Oh the justice in that! Still makes me smile and it was 6 years ago!

That was great. How did you know that I was in dire need of those particular anecdotes?

When I was two I watched National Lampoon's Vacation with my older brother (he was supposed to be watching me), and later that night at the dinner table, right after the prayers, I promptly looked at my dad and said, "Fuck your momma." Thank you National Lampoon's and the classic scene from East St. Louis.

No cussing but I love this one from my 7 yr old twin nieces, their mom was irritated with the mess in their playroom and told them if they didn't help clean up the mess she was going to throw their toys away, their response was:

"That's ok Mom, Christmas and our birthdays are coming soon and we'll get more toys."

Leta is only 4, oh what fun you are gonna have!!!

Me personally? I loved it when my little princesses let one of those words fly at home. I was raised somewhat like you and it just makes me laugh because if I had said "crap" my dad would've smacked said crap out of me. High five Leta, that sounded like a damn fine family hug to me too!

Oh my god.

In 5 years time this will SO be my child. And I will be satisfied so long as the swear has been used appropriately and in context. LOL.

Holy wow! That is hilarious!

So were you getting onto her for the profanity or the grammar? C'mon now, she IS only four... she'll get it right soon enough!

Well, damn and no wonder poor Chuck's going gray!

the whippet quick lean in using the low voice and steely eye-contact? it's the key to parenting nirvana.

AND DEAR GOD WOMAN PUT US ALL OUT OF OUR MISERY AND TELL US WHAT THEY NAMED THAT DAMN DOG.

OH MY GOD TO HELLLLLL!!!

I just wanted a chance to say it. HA!

Awesome.

I think Oh my God the Hell is a good name for a dog. lol

I have had the worst day today, and you just made me laugh... so thanks!

I was a toddler in Australia, and I used to get muddled and greet people by "D'gay"
... not rude but pretty cute :)

Love it when kids test the boundaries... either makes you want to leave them there forever or grab them in embarrassment and leave asap.

I honestly think you guys are 2 of the best parents Ive read about.

Oh My God the Heeeeeellllll - that was so funny!

Ha!
Reminds me of my friend's two year old.
She tripped and fell over a toy one day and said
"oh shit!"

funniest thing ever.

Wow. I have been reading your posts for years and find them truly funny and refreshing. But at some point, you're going to have to look down the road and decide how you can best help Leta to grow into her potential. Setting the example of swearing is certainly one way, but perhaps not the most effective if you want her to be able to verbalize frustration or anger in a way that will actually help her get her needs met.

I know this comment comes off as being a wet blanket to the general hilarity of children swearing (they all do at some point), but it's not very attractive for an older child to have swear words on the tip of her tongue. In fact, most schools frown on it.

Good luck.

Excellent post. You're the Doctor Spock of this generation of moms.

Aren't kids fun?! You should have another - you'll make us laugh twice as much!!

Hilarious!

My 2 year old says Fuck. Hasn't said it in front of my very Mormon family yet, but I know it's coming.
Great post today.

We were out cruising on our sailboat for five years, so my husband decided to be the one to teach our two children profanity (his excuse was that there were not enough kids around to teach them instead). They followed the same rules and swearing was usually appropriate -- until they started watching Kevin Smith movies. My just-turned-13 daughter swears like a sailor at home, but in school behaves herself well enough to get awards for "exemplary citizenship." Sometimes I wonder if we've gone down that slippery slope too far... and then I read this and know we're doing just fine!

That child is brilliant. I'd go right ahead and give her an English Degree if I could.

I am NOT one of those "you are a bad parent" readers, i actually find it offensively ridiculous when you report back on some of the emails you get.

That being said: the stories of Leta acting out like this are remarkably consistent: her 'difficult' behaviour seems to be similar across circumstances. Have you looked into learning some cognitive behavioural techniques to use with her? (I used to work at a parent/child center that focused on kids with behavioural issues, a LOT of them had behavioural patterns similar to Leta and the techniques worked really well. Essentially, it's about her understanding her own choices. Will screaming in the store make her life better or worse? If she understands that she can make her own choice not make her life worse, and in fact how to make it better - ie consistent good behaviour is rewarded, rather than bad behaviour being punished - then she will eventually learn to make those choices.) Your own life would probably be a lot more peaceful if you didn't have to deal with the tantrums all the time.

And yes, this is way longer than i planned.

I SO needed that today! I love it when tiny kids use expletives in the correct context. Like when my four year said, upon finding out that grandma would not be visiting that day... "This is BULLSHIT!". My husband and I just about died laughing (trying to hide our amusement of course).

My niece was driving in the car with her Papa, and he commented on the long train running parallel to them.

"Yup," she replied, "That is one long ass train."

I rarely laugh out loud. I often complain that there just isn't enough out there to make me giggle. Now you've done it. I have laughed my ass off and am totally choked up thinking of this sort of thing with my kids--ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

I love how you make me see the messy things in life.

Thank you. So. Much.

Oh sweet fancy Moses, that is the funniest thing ever. I fear that I will be reliving a moment quite similar to that in the not too distant future.

It will also please you to know that my son, son of a yankee (me) and son of a southerner (Bif, my husband) says the phrase "Get down" how I imagine you might say it. It sounds something like "Git DAY-un!"

Imagine him saying "Fucker" with a southern accent.

I just LOVE Leta, when I was three (keep in mind this was in 1962) I leaned back in my chair at my grandmother and grandfathers dinner table and said "gramma, that was a damn fine meal" in a house where profanity was Not allowed, EVER. my mom was mortified, of course my dad loved it and I think was proud of me..
maybe not so much the time we went to friends for Spagetti and I looked at my plate and said "Jesus Christ she didn't cut it up for me" I don't know that we ate there ever again..
Leta and I would have been friends when i was three...

Bwahahahaaha! Your daughter sounds a lot like my almost 4 y/o son, Max. We also have a relaxed tude' about curse words, but have rules about when to use them. I read this entry to my hubby while he was cooking dinner, he got a good laugh, too. :)

Madness YELLS at her kids all.the.time. For reals. Madness doesnt know how to speak in a calm tone.
But anyway .. one day Madness was dropping one of the kids friends off at their house and was sitting in the drivers seat talking to the kids mom .. the passenger side door of the minivan was open and kids were in and out in and out blah blah .. next thing Madnss knew .. she saw her baby daughter dart across the street through the rear view. Madness darted out of the minivan and SCREAMED VERY LOUDLY "YOU HAVE LOST YOUR MIND CHILD!!!" and proceeded to run to said child and grab her up and fling her over her shoulder, plant her squarely back in her seat in the van and then drive straight home at a very high rate of speed .. not uttering another single solitary word. Madness baby Daughter was so shaken by Madness' reaction.. she went in the house and went straight to bed and when Madness went in the room to talk to her and explain that she made Momma VERY scared when she saw her run across the street and thats why Momma yelled the way she did, all baby daughter could do was quiver her lip and cry.
I know EXACTLY the reaction Leta gave you and I was just that exactly satisfied with it.. if I scared the shit out of her .. GOOD. Rather have a scared shitless baby than a splattered across the road baby!

My husband called me when I was in the middle of a very serious family meeting concerning one of my hospice patients. He's all, "you won't believe this. The (Baptist) daycare center has asked me to come get Amanda (then 3 years old) and take her home. She called Aunty Edna a 'fat fucking bitch'." I'm all, "omg." And my hospice family is staring at me waiting for me to get off the phone. It was so effing embarrassing to have Amanda use those words. We couldn't figure out where on earth she'd heard them...big bro? big sis? Who knows. All I know is that when I run into Aunty Edna (15 years later) I still blush and feel horribly badly for her!

That is a DAMN good idea.
I see no point in telling my child no to something like that when I do the same fucking thing myself.
Granted, my daughter is only 19 months old, but with me and her father's and well just about the rest of our family's potty mouth it's going to happen pretty soon.
That's a great idea, inside words, outside words.

Not to mention it made for a great story.
It had me laughing to the point of tears.

Hilarious! My 7 year old son did something similar just before the beginning of September. It was the end of August and we were hunkered down inside due to another Noah-esque rain. I was watching the news and checking the weather while he played with his Legos. All of a sudden he mumbles "Go figure. This is crappy and unfair." I thought I heard wrong and asked "What did you say?" He said "Look. Next week school starts and it is to be beautiful and sunny. Not fair. It has been crappy rain all summer. It sucks." I said to him "Now you understand what Mondays are like for us, kid!"

Ok, i CANNOT resist, and I apologize aforethought (don't you love that word?) if this starts a flame war.

But I had to laugh when I read one of your commenters above - yes, her tantrums DO tend to follow the same pattern, how odd! It's almost as though...Almost as though she throws them whenever she doesn't get what she wants! Why, it's amazing - do you think that maybe she's - I don't know - maybe she's acting like a small child and throwing a tantrum because she small children don't know how to control their emotions when they get what they want? Hell, I know grown people who throw tantrums when they don't get what they want.

Not that I'm knocking those techniques - shit, I'm a social worker and have been trained in all kinds of this crap. But the thing is, most kids, when they don't get what they want, and if it's something they really want, are going to throw a fit once in a while. It's not like she's doing it every day, and likely she's more prone to them when she's tired/cranky/hungry/whatever.

Anyway, I loved it - I thought for a second you were going to threaten that she couldn't use ANY words, EVER. The look on her face when she processed THAT would have been priceless.

That kid is a pistol! You are in sooooo much trouble later on. :-)

It IS awesome that she can swear effectively. That kid is going to be awwwwright!

We have the same cuss rule for our four-year-old daughter.

And that's how my mother raised me, thank Gods.

Love it here, Dooce. So glad I found your blog.

Yeah.
Tonight my 8yr old son got naked in the hall way instead of in the bathroom before his shower, and when I told him his penis was too grown up to be flashing in the house he said "I'm going to touch you with it" with this cheezy assed grin.... to which I responded, "no, don't bother, it has been a very long time since a penis worried me".
Jeez.
On another note, my new fave phraze iz gonna be..."Oh! the Helllll!"

My eyes are watering...

so f*cking funny! I love Leta!

AWESOME!

Your parenting rules intrigue me! I curse like a sailor and have always known that my girls will grow up to do the same. I've never considered having a "curse in the house" rule. Interesting. My 4 yr old has said a few choice phrases, but nothing in public yet. The best was on Halloween...she was 2. The poor kid couldn't say "pumpkin"...it came out f'in :o) I kept asking her to tell daddy he was pumpkin nuts! Good times.

adorable

Oh my god, I am still cracking up! Kids can be too funny, huh? Especially their interpretation of how to cuss. My kids make me laugh when they try to say, "That's what she said" (they have seen The Office waaay too many times) and it really doesn't work. Like, I'll say, "That's a really cool toaster!" and they'll say, "That's what she said!" giggle, giggle.

this post was so incredibly awesome that i made my husband read it.

Maybe Tara (long first "a")?

My Tara was sweet, loving, faithful, and beautiful; and like Puppy, was a stealer of hearts.

LOVE it, lol! You must be very proud.

Priceless!

A boy about Leta's age said to his mom: "MOM this is FUCKING ME OUT"

He obviously meant "freaking" but they had a short chat about when and when not to use that word afterward.

seriously, this makes me want a kid!!!

So this is my first time here and I dont know you. Usually I just leave if I don't like the post...but seriously, WTF kinda mother are you?

"outside the house"

Seriously? You let her talk like that inside the house?

It's no wonder kids these days are growing up disrespectful...they are being raised by you.

Leta honey, save your allowance now. You will need it for therapy.

I love it. The C word was the weapon of choice at my high school - every still looks shocked when someone from my school drops the C bomb.

Ooooooh, darlin', you MUST have been bored today b/c it goes w/o saying how many people are going to get their knickers all in sailors' knots about this post and flood your site with nasty, righteous, reactionary comments and e-mails. Best of luck weathering those seas! (Like my nautical theme? I'm so random today.)

I'd be grateful if mine used the opera-sung helllllllll. When he gets mad (at a ripe old age of 4), he bursts into...are you ready for this....

I hate you toopid fucken mummy.

Had to carry him out of my neighbour's house using the same hold you used on Leta one fine summer day. It's those precious moments that make parenting all worth while.

Potty mouth that I am, I wonder what my stance on the foul language issue will be by the time my 6 month old reaches swearing age. Since the last 6 months has passed like one long day, then he should be swearing by next tuesday. It is unlikely I will have stopped cursing by then.

But Oh My God The Hell if it is anyone other than me who teaches him to swear.

I am laughing out loud right now. Just woke my husband up...because he can't possibly sleep well tonight without reading this first.

What great anecdotes!

My mother always likes to remind me of the grocery store story. I was three and throwing a tantrum in the middle of the aisle about who knows what. And of course, my mom was doing what most moms do, that is to say, ignoring me. Along comes a little old lady who tuts (very similarly I am told to the previous tutting old lady in one of the comments above) and tells me (the three year old - like I was going to comprehend or even care) that I was being "very unladylike" and should remove myself from the middle of the aisle. To which I apparently stared at her and bellowed,"f*** you!". The old lady was aghast and started lecturing my mom about my manners and my mom just looked at her and said, "you heard the girl", gave her the finger, picked me up and stalked off...my mom is still to this day (22 years later), the best :)

That made me laugh out loud! And although everyone is entitled to their opinion, all those folks commenting who have been so offended by Leta's use of cuss words really need to get over themselves. She's not your kid. It's not your problem. Shut the fuck up.

you're kidding, right?????

Love it...so glad I'm not alone reading all these comments here...

My then 3 year old son was having an argument with his best bud on the playground...fighting over some toy or something and my son put his hands up in the air and said "fuck it" and let him have it. The preschool teacher reported back with this and the punishment they gave him along with a note I had to sign and return.

I took his little ass home and gave him a high five for sharing and taking the high road. Fuck...he was mature about it and didn't punch him in the face like most fights usually end up!

brava.

I needed that so bad right now. I laughed to myself or giggled is more like it. I might or might not be high. But I also wondered how many of your readers just called CPS.

overall...probably one of your best posts ever. love that leta.

ahhhhh.

you gave us the warm fuzzies.

Three things:

1. I got lectured once by a 3-year-old I was babysitting because I told him to sit down on his butt and he FREAKED out because he wasn't allowed to say butt, it was a dirty word. He was only allowed to say "bottom." I find that more horrifying than some folks find a toddler being allowed to swear. I'm 13 weeks pregnant and I decided that I don't care if it makes me a trashy, classless hick, my kids can swear in context if it's just in front of me and my husband. Who cares? Not anyone I care to deal with.

2. My cousin, age 2, had a Fisher-Price construction set and my aunt came upon him hammering fake plastic nails into the board. *WHACK WHACK* "Jesus Christ." *WHACK WHACK* "Fucking hell." My aunt inquired "What are you doing?" "Building steps like Daddy." My uncle, you see, had just finished building the porch steps.

3. You simply must publish a hatemail entry based on the stuff you must be getting from this post. You are BRAVE, lady!!

That is TOOOOOO funny! Shit is my favorite word, and whenever I bump my head, stub my toe, whatever - and yell, "Shit, shit, shit!" I then get to hear my almost two year old happily yell, "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit...!" and it makes that pain magically go away...

Love the comments, too, especially #201. Hilarious.

I love it! I wish my little cousins said funny stuff like that. There slowly getting there though..Maybe in a year they'll be up to Letas use of word skills.

your kid is so cool!

ARE YOU FOR REAL?!?!?
Please tell me you're joking ... and then I read some of the commnets.... OMGosh... people think it's 'cute' when children cuss.
Lovely, just lovely.
Goes to show-maturity is not age-related.

Ohhhh if I am ever brave enough to have children this is who they will be - curse words and all!!! My poor mother!!

Damn right to hell!

Fantastic. Already swearing at 4. Congratulations.

My only goal when it came to having cursing kids was that it be used in proper context (well, and not at school). My oldest, now 18, was an early walker and talker. At about 10 months, she toddled across my office and dropped a toy and let out a high-pitched "Shit!". Ahh, the pride - it brought tears to my eyes!

My 6 year old son was a huge fan of the word FUCK from about the age of 1 until 4**. Much of his exposure to the term came from listening to me yell at other drivers....so his favorite thing to call his 2 teenage sisters was "Futtin' Mowons!" Even if I DID want to discipline him, it would have been impossible over the hysterical laughter that ensued from the futtin' mowons and anyone else who heard it.

For all the uptight, tsk-tsk-tsk commenters - GET THE FUCK OVER IT!! They are just WORDS. Really, really, really funny words when spoken in a toddler's high pitched voice, but just words. Ah, they bring me much joy.....

**he only says fuck now when singing along to his favorite gansta-rap songs on his iPod.....

When my sister was 2 or 3 my grandmother took her out shopping. They were looking at books, and apparently my grandmother had picked out one that she really wanted to buy. Problem was, we had already purchased the book for her. After several times of trying to tell grandma, "I got it at home," I guess she got fed up. She sat up really straight in her stroller and yelled, "I got it at home, damn it!" Bad grammar, cursing, and all. When other shoppers inquired as to what exactly she said, my grandmother played dumb.

You know, my parents curse like sailors (especially my dad, who can't drive down the road without calling on his little helpers Cocksucker and Motherfucker at least a dozen times). My sister and I now curse like sailors as well. But that's OK. It doesn't mean that our vocabulary is "limited" or that we use curse words in place of the "big fancy words." Maybe the people that refrain from cursing have limited room in *their* vocabularies, did you ever think of that? ;)(For those of you who think I must be uneducated, I have a 3.9 GPA in college and an IQ of 130.)

P.S. # 189 cracked me up. Well slap my ass and call me Charlie, *that's* what's wrong with the world today! Heather B. Armstrong! That lady should be elected president for figuring it out and for being a fortune teller all at the same time.

Heather, I can only hope to have a kid as amazing as yours someday.

I love everything about this story!

My 24 year old friend was getting a piercing and screamed, "fucking hell of god." We were all saying it for weeks.

"Oh my god the hell!" is sure to be a new favorite!

I think you're so funny and blah blah but your picture is pretty unflattering, you should remedy that, unless you're trying to set low expectations so that when people see you they think you're much prettier in person

anyway, my point is that I think (from videos) that you are much better looking than that picture gives you credit for

When my daughter was 4, we attending a swimming b-day party. She was pushed in the pool by another kidlet and when she surfaced, she looked at me, and with the perfect amount of shock and sarcasm she asked, "What the fuck?"
Proud moment! Perfect use of a good word!

Read your blog for forever and love it. I am very open minded and do cuss in front of my kids, however I wouldn't let them get away with using language like that in or outside of my house because I feel it is disrespectful to me. Hypocritical maybe.

I wouldn't tell you how to raise your child or look down upon you for how you chose to do things in your house, just expressing my view on my household.

I also think it is hilarious that no matter what you say
(whether I agree or not) you get thousands of readers saying "YOU ROCK" and so on..it is okay people to not agree respectfully.

It makes me think if you were to try this theory out and post something horrible that you would never really do and people would normally not agree with they would still rave and rant about how wonderful a post/idea it was.

Bottom line is you set the example for your child and your following. What power is in your hands!

oh my jesus, that is funny.

when my son was 2, he was in his room one day, naked from the bath. my husband and i were in our room down the hall, and heard him call to us, so we went to see what he wanted. when we got to his doorway, he called out gleefully "mama! dada! watch what i fucking do!" and sprinted across the room and hurled his naked self onto his bed at top speed. i had to leave the room and go halfway down the stairs so he wouldn't see me convulsing with laughter, and from there i could hear him yelling "fucking do! fucking do!". i have no idea how my husband kept it together--i had tears streaming down my face.

and as the parent of a now-4-year old, to all those who question whether it's possible for a 4-year old to understand that there are words that can be used in the house but not out of the house, and to follow those rules, i say yes, it absolutely is. i'm astounded on a daily basis by the nuances that my son can comprehend, and the control he can have over his actions. they're smart little fuckers, those preschoolers.

Leta is starting to sound more like her mother every day, so when will she be starting her own blog?

One evening when my son and I were having the "where do babies come from" talk I told him he came from my tummy. He looked up at me with one of those very serious looks and after a moment of pondering he asked me if his uncle Dan came from my tummy as well. Mortified at the thought I told him no, but before I could explian he straightened up and as sternly as a four year old can he said, "Ya know, uncle Dan really pisses me off! He called me a foo, damn him".

for a second I thought I was talking to myself. Funny how kids ignore our proper grammar but pick up our cursing.

P.S. First you coined your own word (Dooce) and now Leta has coined America's next greatest phrase...

Oh my God the hell...... I can't wait to say this to my ex-husband he next time he gets on my nerves. Thank you Leta.

Aaaahahahaha... I had to come over here instead of just reading the RSS feed because I KNEW there would be comment GOLD on this one...

I'm surprised more trolls haven't spoken up! I was totally expecting a civil war over here.

And yes, please please please publish some of the choicer hate emails... I know you're gonna get some doozies.

Thank you for comment 157, Astrogirl426! I had the same reaction to Deanna's (doubtless well-intentioned) post. But then again, I have a four year old. And dang! Whadda ya know? She acts like a frikkin child all the time.

When my niece was 5 and came for a visit we met her at the airport. She ran to us all open arms and smiles and called out in her piercing little girl voice: "Auntie! Auntie!! Guess what? I have a VAGINA!"

Many were the withering stares.

Great story! It reminds me of one about my sister when she was about three years old - it was Christmas time, 1981, the weather was hot and the car didn't have aircon, so all the windows were down. Dad and my sister were picking up some last minute supplies for Mum and the carpark was backed up with fraught, last minute shoppers. Right in front of Dad was a terrible parker - she was doing about a million point turn and a queue was forming. Dad was muttering under his breath - but not quietly enough as it turns out. Next thing my sister has her head out the window, yelling "you stupid bloody bitch" at the driver in question. We've never let her forget it. Not sure what it says about our family, but we think it's hilarious.

Such a nice little story, it made me smile. Thanx Heather!

People, "vagina" is NOT a curse word.

I love this story!
Yani

OH MY GOD THE HELL, Debra @248!!!

It's just language. The important thing is to use it correctly and in the appropriate situations.

Leta gets an 'A'.

Hi

Another classic, dooce.

But am I alone in being confused as to why Heather was upset with Leta saying 'Oh My God The Hell'. Was it because of what other people in the store might think when they heard it?

That phrase would not be considered a curse where I come from (Holy Catholic Ireland). Maybe the disapproval over the use of "God" and "hell" is an American thing?

Rose

You two are by far the best parents ever... I wish my parents had had those rules!

I love when kids swear!

You know, I've never heard that approach before (allowing "strong" words only inside the house). I'm not against it, but I just never considered it. I've been saying "shucks!" and "fooey!" for 5 years now, although I will admit to getting worked up over something and reverting to a normal and heated adult expression.

I don't think I'll change now, but it does give me a thought about the future, when they're older and I've clearly spent all of the patience that's given to one person in a lifetime.

Loved it- I needed that this morning!

My nephew Kyle, when he was 3, was visiting my very strict baptist in-laws, and my father in law went outside to check on him just in time to hear Kyle yelling as he chased their chickens around the yard "Come back here, you Mother F-ers!" My father in law was so tickled, he couldn't say a word to him and came back into the house to tell my mother in law. This woman, who I've never heard say more than the occasional 'shit' when she gets REALLY frustrated over something, replied to father in law, "Let him come out with one of those big Fucks around me, and I'll whoop that ass!"

I don't know who was funnier hearing it from - her or my nephew!

Heather- Explain, please, how you can allow your 3 year old daughter to curse in your home, but you don't want her to curse outside of the home? "CHARACTER" is who we are when no one is looking. As a parent, don't you think it is YOUR responsibility to teach that little girl some character? Love you, Heather... Love your writing... But I have to tell you, I have seen the end result of this kind of parenting and it isn't pretty. Do the world, and Leta a favor... TEACH LETA CHARACTER! I think we've had enough of charasmatic people with absolutely no character whatsoever.

1. At the dinner table back in the 70s, my father tells my 8 year old brother to finish what's on his plate. Brother looks at my dad and says, "Screw you". Yeah, he got backhanded right there at the table.

2. My dad, who is a young boy at the time, is in church with his parents, acting up a bit in the pew like kids often do. My very religious, very stern grandmother leans down and whispers to him, "Settle down or I will take you outside and beat your ass." After trying her patience one too many times, my dad is lead out of the pew by my grandmother. He starts yelling, "No, don't beat my ass, don't beat my ass!"

OH the pride ...

I used to tell the boys that I could only use those words in the car and I would not use the words anywhere else...

They got it...

@277:

Cursing is not a reflection on someone's character. Some of the most upstanding, moral, trustworthy, caring, true, and genuine people I know also curse like truckers (no offense to truckers).

And why do people think it's so hard for kids to understand that there are some behaviours for private spaces and some for public spaces? I think most of us would agree that we wouldn't want our kids walking down the middle to town naked, but does that mean that they should be fully clothed at all times inside the house? Should they bathe fully dressed?

When my 5-year-old was two, he would take his big, plastic golf club and swing at the ginormous gold ball that came with it. When he missed, he would bang his club on the ground and yell, "shit." He learned from my husband and my brother who would take him golfing with them.

He also pointed to his bare butt in the tub the other day and asked me "is this called my ass?" I laughed harder at that for some reason.

My bother, his wife and their 4 year old son were checking on my parents cabin in Northern Mn when my bother spotted a large rabbit. He got out of the truck and went into the garage to get the shot gun. When he came out to the garage carrying the gun, my nephew yelled, "I knew he was gonna kill that f**king rabbit!" I love it when other people's kids use swear words correctly!

Excellent post.

When my son was about 2 1/2, I was lying in bed with my husband and baby girl. Our little man had trotted down to his room where, evidentally, one of the dogs had shredded an old diaper. And the words that drifted down the hall in a sweet, angelic voice were:

Awwwww MAN! Fucking DOG!!

Indeed.

I had to stifle my laughter because I read this at work. Brilliant.

Never posted before, but have been loving Dooce. Today's blog and the hilarious comments have made my morning. My turn!

My 4yo niece was warned by my sis to stop shaking an open box of pasta. She continued shaking, and the pasta wound up all over the floor. Sis told niece she had to clean it you, to which niece replied, "I will, you asshole." My sister was sure she misheard, so asked, "What did you say?" "I. WILL. YOU. ASSHOLE." After we got control of our laughter, asked where she learned that language. Niece replied, "Michael Jackson."

:D

Worst thing my DD said at age 3 was on Halloween, when she was watching for trick-or-treaters. She was perched on a chair and after straining to see proclaimed, "This chair is too freakin' small!" DH just looked at me. No doubt where that came from, 'cause I'm from Jersey.

At our local post office the other day, I witnessed a mom opening her mailbox and saying, "Wow! I guess that's what happens when we go away! We've got bills coming out of our ass!" The sweetest little pigtailed (four year old?) that was with her looked up and said, "What Mommy?" At this point, I thought the woman had slipped and would temper her language. But no, she repeated it to her verbatim.
The whole scene just stopped me in my tracks.
Neither my husband or I were raised in a family that cursed other than the odd "damn" now and again. When that word was used, I knew that someone was really angry. I suppose that if your mom talks like that every day that you will think that is normal and eventually you will talk that way an accept it as such.
As a writer, you know the power of words and language. I know that a good powerful curse word feels good at times but, like any piece of the english language, loses its power when overused.
I must say, I'm a little uncomfortable with the whole "we talk this way inside" thing. Home should be a place where we feel comfortable and safe to be ourselves. Especially for our children, it is also the place where we are supported to discover who we are. I suppose that - although it likely wasn't a conscious choice - you have decided that you wish to include this kind of language in your everyday life. I suppose that Leta can also make the decision to not speak that way at some point in her life too.
I have been a pretty regular reader of your site for a few years now. Although I've never given it much thought, I think I always attributed your language as the way you were thinking as opposed to speaking.
I hope that I've written this from a place of challenge as opposed to a place of criticism ...

Yeah..Just like the phone call I got from school. My five year old son told his friend he would "hate to have to smack a bitch" If said friend didn't hand over the book. I actually laughed out loud, on the phone with the teacher. Sorry, I couldn't control it.

On Sunday we were out mini-golfing, and every time my 2-1/2 year old Jack missed a shot he'd yell, "Oh my God -- holy crap!"

I don't know where he picked that up.