Third and final leg
This week marks the final dates of my book tour spent on the road, and I couldn't be more excited to meet my readers in Denver and Austin:
DENVER, CO
Monday, April 6
7:30 PM MST
TATTERED COVER
9315 Dorchester Street
Highlands Ranch, CO 80129
AUSTIN, TX
Wednesday, April 8
7:00 PM CST
BOOKPEOPLE
603 North Lamar
Austin, TX 78703
For those in my home town of Salt Lake City, here's a reminder of the reading/signing I'm doing a week from Wednesday:
SALT LAKE CITY, UT
Wednesday, April 15
7:00 PM
KING'S ENGLISH BOOKSTORE
1511 South 1500 East
Salt Lake City, UT 84105
So far the most difficult thing about being on the road at seven months pregnant is the shoe removal rule at the security checkpoints in every airport. My belly is now so awkward and unwieldy that it prevents me from bending over and tying my own shoes. Yes, I know, slip-on shoes would eliminate the problem. But every pair of slip-on shoes I own no longer fits my swollen feet, and if I go out and buy new shoes now I risk getting blisters from breaking them in. So there I am, purse on one shoulder, hulking computer bag on the other, visibly psyching myself up for the exhausting task of bringing my legs up as far as they will go, and blindly fumbling with the laces on my tennis shoes. In San Francisco I asked a strange woman gathering up her carry-on bags if she could do me a favor and tell me if my shoes were tied. She did a double take and tried to reconcile why I was asking her such a ridiculous question, so I clarified, "HI. I'M SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT. I CANNOT SEE MY OWN FEET."
Again, this book tour has been nothing short of spectacular, and everyone I have met along the way has reaffirmed the joy I get from doing this, this Online Internet Website Blog Thing, even the woman in Seattle who gifted me a coin purse in the shape of a hairy vagina. Especially the woman in Seattle who gifted me a coin purse in the shape of a hairy vagina. I found out on Wednesday that the book
In other news, I'm going to be on the Oprah Winfrey show tomorrow (Monday April 6) in an episode dedicated to "the secret lives of moms." We taped this show a couple of weeks ago, and I am one of the several women who joins via Skype, so I did not get to meet Ms. Winfrey in person. Meaning I have no idea if she smells just as good as she looks, although my money is on ABSOLUTELY. When I mentioned this Oprah appearance a few weeks ago, the one question I got most in my inbox was JUST HOW GOOD DOES THAT WOMAN SMELL?? Just like that in all caps with two question marks. And of course it's not a question at all, it's a statement of indisputable truth that requires no response whatsoever. Much in the same vein as JUST HOW DELICIOUS IS THIS DORITO??
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- Bedtime, Leta lingering defiantly in the hallway. Jon: "If you want fart stories, you better get in bed RIGHT NOW."
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
305. Brianna Leigh said:
I just saw the Oprah special online where you admit you make 40K/month advertising! Holy Shit! Is that for real or are you just making that up? I rarely see many ads on your dooce site so I cant imagine whos paying that much to advertise on your site? Also-- from the look of things-- you only get 300 or so comments each time you post so the advertisers are actually paying that much $$ to advertise to 300 people??? In this economy?? Holy mackerel-- youve got SOME RACKET going, heather! What excellent technique you use to sell !!! KUDOS!!! At least i now know that youre wealthy beyond belief! ABSOLUTELY REMARKABLE!!!!!!!!
306. Single Mom In Debt said:
OMG You and al of the other moms were great on Oprah !! I have not laughed that hard in so long !!!!!!!!!!!
307. sdfffgsdfg said:
I just saw the Oprah special online where you admit you make 40K/month advertising! Holy Shit! Is that for real or are you just making that up? I rarely see many ads on your dooce site so I cant imagine whos paying that much to advertise on your site? Also-- from the look of things-- you only get 300 or so comments each time you post so the advertisers are actually paying that much $$ to advertise to 300 people??? In this economy?? Holy mackerel-- youve got SOME RACKET going, heather! What excellent technique you use to sell !!! KUDOS!!! At least i now know that youre wealthy beyond belief! ABSOLUTELY REMARKABLE!!!!!!!!
308. Pam said:
Saw Oprah yesterday, what a fun show. "I could do without the fluids, the snot and the poo" "Poo is good Heather, we've already established that."
It's cool Oprah gave Heather a little shout out and mentioned dooce.com. Yay!
309. Brianna Leigh said:
I just saw the Oprah special online where you admit you make 40K/month advertising! Holy Shit! Is that for real or are you just making that up? I rarely see many ads on your dooce site so I cant imagine whos paying that much to advertise on your site? Also-- from the look of things-- you only get 300 or so comments each time you post so the advertisers are actually paying that much $$ to advertise to 300 people??? In this economy?? Holy mackerel-- youve got SOME RACKET going, heather! What excellent technique you use to sell !!! KUDOS!!! At least i now know that youre wealthy beyond belief! ABSOLUTELY REMARKABLE!!!!!!!!
310. kevin said:
Hey Brianna you are SOOOO RIGHT ON! dooce only has like 9 advertisers online perday (just counted them) so if its true that shes making 40,000 per month advertising, it comes out to over 100 bucks per day to advertise on her site! i think thats so way over the top too! how F-ING RIDICULOUS!! My guess is that if shes really making that much money, she lies to the advertisers about the number of people that read her blog- thats why she closes the comments 99% of the time, and only opens them on rare occasions, so the advertisers cant see just how many ppl read her blog, and she keeps the comments open when she posts something very very big because she knows alot of people will respond once, twice, maybe even 3 times. You can be sure that once she can prove she was on Oprah, the fees will go up astronomically! So yup, she got a major racket going! But you know what? with the economy in the shit hole, that $ will disapear very very quickly. Youll see... hope shes ssaved alot of it!
311. kevin said:
Hey Brianna you are SOOOO RIGHT ON! dooce only has like 9 advertisers online perday (just counted them) so if its true that shes making 40,000 per month advertising, it comes out to over 100 bucks per day to advertise on her site! i think thats so way over the top too! how F-ING RIDICULOUS!! My guess is that if shes really making that much money, she lies to the advertisers about the number of people that read her blog- thats why she closes the comments 99% of the time, and only opens them on rare occasions, so the advertisers cant see just how many ppl read her blog, and she keeps the comments open when she posts something very very big because she knows alot of people will respond once, twice, maybe even 3 times. You can be sure that once she can prove she was on Oprah, the fees will go up astronomically! So yup, she got a major racket going! But you know what? with the economy in the shit hole, that $ will disapear very very quickly. Youll see... hope shes ssaved alot of it!
312. Jaye said:
This visit is so well-timed! I just had my first baby last month and my first proper breakdown last week. I, my New Mom Support Group, and my new bottle of Zoloft will see you tomorrow in Austin (after our visit to Z'Tejas for margaritas.)
313. ssheers said:
Shoe advice for the airport: crocs!
314. Eleanor's Trousers said:
Here here for your NY Times bestseller status and your interweb Oprah spot! I am surprised that the scent of Ms. Winfrey cannot be Skyped. If anyone has the money to invest in Smell-a-vision, it is Oprah.
315. Alex said:
Enjoyed your book reading in Mountain View, Ca the other week. What a turnout!!! I wish my wife and I could have waited in line to have our copy of your book signed, but it was just madness.
You are a rock star!
316. Mandi said:
Ballet flats!! I got mine at Target for $15. They're my savior at work so I don't need to walk around in heels all day-- I just slip them on if a client comes in, otherwise I'm comfy in my ballet shoes :) They would also stretch to fit your feet because they are soft.
317. CandaceSue said:
I saw an article on you at Jezebel.com about your Oprah appearance. I was like hey I know her!!! Ha, which is funny cuz I don't actually know you, but I read your blog and think you are awesome and hilarious. Its nice to see someone like you representing good ol SLC. :)
318. Carrie said:
Wow. What a gift! OK - not all of us in the Seattle area would have given you a hairy vageeeene (said like Borat, I like to pronounce it that way), for a gift! Please Seattle, let's be known only as "The Emerald City," not "The City that gives Pu**y Purses."
Take it easy on those feet! :)
319. Claudine said:
Nice job on Oprah yesterday. You were funny and right on point, good work!
320. barstow said:
http://barstowruth.blogspot.com/2009/04/celebrity-encounter.html
Thanks for coming to Denver, Heather & Jon!
321. Anonymous said:
Um can you just have that kid already and get back to the important business of losing weight and not taking up two seats on the bus?