Play date aftermath
Last Saturday afternoon we invited one of Leta's best friends over for a play date. She's the other five-year-old kid in the class who knows how to read fluently, so I like to think that Leta is already cultivating her nerd tendencies, surrounding herself with people who will one day not bat an eyelash when she says, no, I appreciate the invitation, but I cannot spend my Friday night at the movies because that's when NOVA is airing a special on ancient Maya hieroglyphs. Maybe next time.
Her teacher shakes her head every time I refer to Leta as My Little Nerd, but COME ON. She's the one who pulled me aside and said, look, I don't know what else to give her to read, she finished the school's set of encyclopedias yesterday. And it's not like I'm going to pull up to the curb at her high school, jump out in my bunny-covered nightgown and start screaming WHERE'S MY LITTLE NERD?! WHERE'S MY LITTLE NERD?! It's just thrilling to see my own kid excited by the idea of knowledge, and it reminds me of the rush I got as a kid when I figured out how things worked. Although, there have been many times in recent months when I'll look up and realize that my five-year-old has been sitting in a corner reading books for three hours, and I want to go, sweetie! Put down the literature and come watch TV. Tyra's on.
It's been a few months since Leta's had a play date, and we sort of forgot how that one extra little body can increase the blast radius of destruction by about a thousand percent. Afterwards there were toys sitting in the middle of the room that we forgot we'd ever bought, toys we hadn't seen in years, and then we spent the next two days trying to figure out where we had stored them in the first place. At one point I was like, wait a minute, how did you guys manage to get this box of games down from the top of your closet, Leta? She didn't say a word and instead slowly tilted her head to the side while slyly turning up the corners of her mouth. And I knew instantly that I should just carry on with my life without being burdened by the answer to that question. I imagine that the exact same exchange happens almost every hour with women who have given birth to boys.
The following morning I heard an alarm going off at 6 AM, and after a few groggy minutes of pained concentration I realized it was the alarm clock we had put next to Leta's bed a few weeks ago, the one she's supposed to look at every morning to see if the first number says 7 and not 2, 3, 4, 5 or 6. We grew tired of her nightly 3 AM visits to our room to ask if it's time to get up yet, so now she's not supposed to get out of bed until the first number on that clock reads a full on 7, barring crisis or catastrophe of course, and if some emergency takes place while there's a 5 on that clock, be sure to run toward Dad's side of the bed. The woman on Mom's side has a tiny bit of trouble maneuvering her body anywhere these days, and by the time she's on her feet the house will have burned down or those dudes will have totally stolen the television.
Leta had not ever heard that alarm before, and suddenly there was a blur of tangled hair and gangly arms running madly into our bedroom screaming THAT NOOOOIIIIISE! THAT NOOOOIIIIISE! I hate to admit this, but I could not stop laughing. I don't know why, maybe because of the many, many mornings ahead of her that will be filled to brimming with THAT NOOOOIIIIISE! The years of her life spent hitting snooze, snooze, snooze, and the ensuing panic when she realizes she's late for Calculus. Also, it's obvious that in the commotion of the play date SOMEONE flipped the switch on that clock and turned on the alarm, and here our lives had been reduced to cursing a play date. I mean, seriously. Here a grown man and woman lay in bed on a Sunday morning waving their fists in the air, grousing about preschoolers. DAMN THOSE KIDS AND THEIR NEED TO PLAY! Who do they think they are, being curious about the buttons on that clock? And suddenly we missed those days in LA when all we had to worry about on a Sunday morning was whether or not the drug deal on the roof of our building would go horribly wrong and the police would force an evacuation of the entire neighborhood. SIMPLER TIMES, I tell you.
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FM Living
Sarah said:
Being a first-year uni student, and:
'The years of her life spent hitting snooze, snooze, snooze, and the ensuing panic when she realizes she's late for Calculus.'
...that's my life.
04.30.09 - 10:17 AM / 1Anonymous said:
I've spent the last couple minutes fighting the urge to post "FIRST! FIRST!" in your comments. Someone's beaten me to it, surely.
04.30.09 - 10:19 AM / 2Sarah again said:
Woah, am I seriously first to comment? I usually scorn the 'FIRST!' people, but wow... I'm experiencing a thrill I have never before felt in my mooching teenager-y life.
04.30.09 - 10:20 AM / 3Jessie said:
Ugh. THAT NOOOOIIIISE is the bane of my existence. No joke. My sister is now turning into a very Leta-like nerd and I have to confirm it really does take a significant amount of will power to not drag the books from her tiny little hands and inject some good old trashy American pop culture into her life.
04.30.09 - 10:20 AM / 4Michelle said:
Sadly, the snooze! snooze! snooze! doesn't stop when we become adults. Or responsible job-holders. Or parents. Maybe when we're dead?
04.30.09 - 10:21 AM / 5Milla said:
just do us all a favor and keep the danielle steele books away from that little nerd.
04.30.09 - 10:21 AM / 6Braidwood said:
From now on when I my alarm clock goes off, I am going to run screaming out into our living room with my arms flying above my head yelling, "That noise! That noise!" Ahhhh! Its going to be a fun summer.
04.30.09 - 10:24 AM / 7Jo-Jo said:
People who like to read a lot often end up becoming good writers. Maybe it's a sign of things to come.
04.30.09 - 10:26 AM / 8amber said:
i loved this post. and for the first time, i am commenting in time to actually make it into the comments, so i'm really wishing i had something more clever to say. (yeah!)
i think, "THAT NOISE!" every morning, that's for certain!
04.30.09 - 10:28 AM / 9jenny said:
kill the television!
nothing about it benefits children, they have the rest of their lives to veg with it if they want. go, leta!
04.30.09 - 10:29 AM / 10dooce said:
Jenny, Leta learned the alphabet from watching Sesame Street. When she was 18 months old.
04.30.09 - 10:32 AM / 11Kristi said:
All I can say is I wish *MY TWELVE-YEAR-OLD* son would sit in a corner reading books for 3 hours!
And "I imagine that the exact same exchange happens almost every hour with women who have given birth to boys" hits the nail right on the head. *sigh*
04.30.09 - 10:33 AM / 12Kath said:
Imagine how hard her little heart must have been pounding when the alarm went off! Poor kid. Congratulations on having a reader ... I wish there was enough time for me to read all the books I want to read or if we could just drink them then I could consume them faster. Have a great weekend.
04.30.09 - 10:33 AM / 13Belly Girl said:
I think it's going to be SO interesting when the new babe descends upon your life. Leta is going to teach that baby some seriously insane things. You'll walk into her bedroom in like 3 years and they'll be hunched over boiling vials, rubbing their little hands together like the sneaky scientists they will become. And you will need to back.....out.....slowly.....
04.30.09 - 10:33 AM / 14Alex Awesome said:
You know you're evolving as an alarm snoozer when you realize you've hit snooze twice not because you're tired, but because you just don't care about getting to work on time. Laying in bed for an extra twenty minutes is so worth living with bad hair for one day.
Who am I here to impress, anyway? My cubicle? I think not.
04.30.09 - 10:34 AM / 15Kristal said:
This is the perfect opportunity to introduce her to the Sonic Boom Alarm Clock that I sent ya months ago! Hahahahah
04.30.09 - 10:36 AM / 16Bria said:
When she's old enough that you don't mind her asking what it means to "make a two-backed beast", try Gargantua and Pantagruel. It's long, very funny, full of fart jokes and the best, best, best insults. I mean, can you think of a better way to describe a kid:
"For he was a fine boy, had a burly physiognomy, and almost tenchins. He cried very little, but beshit himself every hour: for, to speak truly of him, he was wonderfully phlegmatic in his posteriors, both by reason of his natural complexion and the accidental disposition which had befallen him by his too much quaffing of the Septembral juice."
04.30.09 - 10:37 AM / 17D said:
When I had to wake up before my ex-girlfriend I'd go into the kitchen and put a tea kettle on to boil. I'd then come back to my bed room and read the news until the water was boiling for coffee. One time the whistle of the kettle woke her up but she was obviously still half asleep. She rolled over and groaned and then said "Noiiiise. Noise!" I found it hilarious.
04.30.09 - 10:40 AM / 18Jane said:
"I imagine that the exact same exchange happens almost every hour with women who have given birth to boys." I have one of those boys. He is only 15 months old now and such a handful, I can only imagine what the next 17 years will bring.
04.30.09 - 10:41 AM / 19Yolanda said:
Wow. It just occurred to me that Leta is probably going to kindergarten this Fall. THIS Fall?! Wow. And the registration is usually right about now, no? I hope you'll have a post soon telling us what that's like.
(I finished your book last night. I just felt so proud of you when I was through. No other words for it, because with al these years of reading the story was very familiar; but I was very proud hold in my hands the result of all of your hard work here.)
04.30.09 - 10:42 AM / 20Tracey said:
There are no words to describe how much you rock at times. I just adore your writing.
04.30.09 - 10:42 AM / 21Tina said:
I hope my future children are little nerds. I was one as a child, although when I was in 4th grade and reached for Alex Haley's Roots because it looked like it was long enough to entertain me for awhile, my mom started forcing me into more outdoor activities. Be careful with the encyclopedia reading though--that coupled with seeing part of Jaws on TV gave me a lifelong anxiety around water (including swimming pools) out of fear that a shark would eat me.
04.30.09 - 10:43 AM / 22Alicia said:
I was one of those "give me books or give me death" kids. And when I was a teen and "sassed" my mom, she grounded me from BOOKS for a whole week!
Let's just say it works in case you are collecting arsenal for the future.
04.30.09 - 10:43 AM / 23amy j. said:
I love your Leta stories since us moms all know all too well what you're talking about with these kinds of situations. I can't believe she woke up to it! Both of mine slept through our burglar alarm going off about a month ago at 1 a.m. I nearly broke my neck going down the stairs to shut it off...they never even budged. I wasn't sure if I should be ecstatic or very worried about their hearing.
Just today I wrote this on Facebook about my seven-year-old.
This morning as I was brushing her hair before school, Sarah told me she needed a new backpack. I told her we'd get her a new one for next school year since there are only three more weeks left of school.
She said, "You'll have to help me pick it out...I know you don't like Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers and stuff on them, right?"
Me: "Nope. I wish they had ones with like the Beatles...the Ramones or the Pixies on them."
Sarah: "Pixies? Like Tinkerbell? Cuz they have those."
Me: "NO. Oh, nevermind, I'll just wait until you're in high school...you'll be begging me for one then."
04.30.09 - 10:44 AM / 24Trina said:
I'm trying to contain my histerical laughter in the middle of my conservative office.
Simpler times. I miss those!
My alarm is my husband's cell phone that my 7-month pregnant body cant reach so he's now used to my morning beatings and my own version of "THAT NOOOISEE!!!!!". SHUT IT OFF!!!!
04.30.09 - 10:46 AM / 25Katherine SOLOdotmom said:
Aaaah, reading... good for Leta! And yes that alarm will begin to be the very noise that she detests if she loves her morning sleep as much as I do... Even now when it goes off, sometimes my brain does a double take and it says... no that's not an alarm, it's just your imagination... pay it no mind... ignore it, and it will go away!!!!
Great blog - love ya Dooce... really do.
04.30.09 - 10:47 AM / 26Lynn said:
That dreaded noise..ugh! I will always cherish the day my daughters learned how to use their own alarm clocks.
04.30.09 - 10:48 AM / 27Julia said:
Nerds rock. I hope to birth future nerds one day.
04.30.09 - 10:49 AM / 28Wendy said:
Wait. You actually allowed comments on a post again?
And there are ONLY 26 comments ahead of me (as I type; probably 60 people are also typing RIGHT NOW)? Usually I'm somewhere past 600.
THIS is the second horse of the Apocalypse. I'm getting worried.
04.30.09 - 10:49 AM / 29Lorena said:
Haha first time commenter. I loved this post. I was totally a Leta when I was a kid (since I'm so old now that I've reached 18). I identify completely with the little girl who loves to read and to learn. My family and teachers had a hard time keeping me stocked with reading material. But I grew up and now watch hours and hours of America's Next Top Model, so I think it all balances out in the end. :)
04.30.09 - 10:51 AM / 30