• Anonymous

    I enjoyed reading this.

  • Jen

    !@#$%^&*>< HEATHER!!!! Ok, hopefully now that I have your attn., being #228 comment and all..

    I just have to say, HILARIOUS!!! This is up there in my TOP 10 of Dooce crack-up-out-loud-at-work moments. “Gangly arms” and “Modest Patch”. You are brilliantly hilarious! (In case you already didn’t know. ;)

  • http://www.tisrafadelyoriginals.etsy.com Tisra

    Thank God the alarm hadn’t been set for 3am, right?!

  • http://bkimrey1.wordpress.com berit

    you summed up my life completely when you said: “She didn’t say a word and instead slowly tilted her head to the side while slyly turning up the corners of her mouth. And I knew instantly that I should just carry on with my life without being burdened by the answer to that question. I imagine that the exact same exchange happens almost every hour with women who have given birth to boys.”

  • http://popcorncupcake.blogspot.com Tina

    That “blast radius” that you lovingly refer to? That will be an everyday occurance once child #2 gets up an playing. Just warning you – life of order with one child will never be the same (of course it’s a blast of joy… ;) )

  • april

    My 2 year old hits the snooze button and lays back down and goes back to sleep. Sometimes we’re an hour late. Or so. Another downside to co-sleeping, which we didn’t do on purpose.

  • Kira

    Hilarious! I so enjoy your writings about Leta (and everything else). I have one just like her – a lovely albeit tightly wound little nerd. I just got her an Atlas to read. It has kept her busy for a couple of days now.

    And hey, it could’ve been worse, like 3 am.

    Thank you for sharing!

  • Christina

    @#183-I never wanted boys either. I actually cried (bad mommy) when I found out my first was a boy…I couldn’t fathom it. But the minute I saw him it was love at first sight. With my next two I truly didn’t care either way. As trying as it is and as much as I may complain, I considered my three boys to be the greatest blessings in the world. ♥

  • http://www.shamelesslysassy.com Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy

    I don’t mean to sound like a dumbass, yet I realize I will indeed sound that way when saying this, but: it just occurred to me that I could put a digital clock in my daughter’s room and get her to stay in there. That’s absolutely genius. Why didn’t I think of this a few weeks ago? My daughter’s been sneaking in my room at all hours. Problem solved. Thank you.

  • http://www.aldereteca.blogspot.com C. Andres

    Ah, Sunday morning drug deals. Those were indeed simpler times.

  • Rachel

    As always, you crack me up! I can hardly wait until I have my own spawn, and you’ve gotten me very excited about this whole process!!

  • http://stickshifting.blogspot.com KimLo

    Try having a husband that sleeps so soundly that the INCESSANT horns from his personal cell phone, his Blackberry, and the crow of our real alarm clock still never succeed in waking him up at 5:00am every weekday morning, so you are left playing drummer to three different electronics’ snooze buttons! And this is after he has been snoring throughout the night like a human alarm clock that’s mocking you, saying “Time to get up! Just kidding, no it’s not, silly! It’s still the middle of the night!.” I now understand why some couples have separate bedrooms, although I want to at least get to our first year anniversary next month before resorting to that set-up.

  • Noe

    Little boys master the shy smile before they’re even off the boob. Of course, my son’s tell is the squinty eyes, as soon as I see the squinty eyes I’m ruffling hair as I wander off mumbling that I just don’t want to know.

    Sometimes ignorance is bliss… but I’m glad I know his tell now, for the gods only know what kind of havoc he’ll be wreaking when he hits those teenage years.

  • Sadie

    hillllllarious!! thank you for the laugh! and God Bless you guys! :)

  • www.tuttletree.net

    This is great! As a mother of a 15 month old and 7 week old, I don’t even remember what THAT NOIIIISSSEEE!!! is anymore since they wake me up far earlier than an alarm!

  • http://pogonipnv.blogspot.com pogonip

    I always wanted books for birthdays and holidays and no one else in my family understood. Leta’s very lucky! (All that reading eventually resulted in a full-ride scholarship. Good news for the future, eh?)

    My snooze button is my best friend. I use it so much I’m expert in adding 9 minutes to the current time while still half-asleep so that I can hit it again before THAT NOIISSEE! destroys my morning.

    Sesame Street rocks!

  • http://sensetodollars.blogspot.com Sense

    i was exactly like Leta, reading all the time. to the point that my parents had a ‘no books’ rule at dinner, and my mom automatically told me to ‘finish the chapter and then turn out the light’ every night when tucking me into bed, a little early, because she knew I’d read two chapters instead of one.

    the internet has replaced books for me now (mostly!).

  • http://www.momsinneedofus.com/ Lucy

    So cute she is! My girls have done that screaming concerning the fire alarm, same thing. In the weeee am’s in the morning. My husband was in Kuwait and I was cursing all the way downstairs to get a chair.I have 3 girls under 6 1/2 of age and Leta reminds me of my little 5 year old puertorrican Lily screaming outside on her first snow day…ever…”MAMIIIII…MY CULITO…OHHH..IT HURTS..HAIIII ME DUELE…HEEEEEEELP”, While everyone outside stares at me with pity…not at her..at me. See I laughed too and then went inside to get dad, and then she screamed like she was being slaughtered.

    I still haven’t recovered.

    I LOVE your blog…never stop….porfavor..:-).

  • http://musingsbymariebeth.blogspot.com/ Marie

    ha ha ha! Leta sounds like me as a kid – my first ever report card from school has a comment from my teacher saying that my reading ability was very advanced for my age. The only difference was that my parents used to be telling me to go outside and get fresh air instead of turning the TV on!

    I’ve just stumbled across your blog and I’ve read all the newsletters to Leta and I have to say that you are an AWESOME mom and person to be giving her such a great thing like the newsletters. When she is older and you give them to her to read I really hope that she will appreciate them and how much you love her. It’s something that I wish my mum had thought of doing when I was smaller – I love hearing little things about what I got up to as a child. This will be something that will help you remember her childhood just as much as she will.

  • http://www.iambossy.com/ BOSSY

    Why is it when Bossy sees or hears the phrase Play Date she wants to hurl herself off tall buildings?

  • Cris

    Simply awesome. Your writing, and eye for the story-telling, just keeps getting better.

  • rb

    My 6 year old son was playing Leapster the other day, and suddenly shouted joyously, “YES! A math problem!!”

    So I know the feeling.

    Maybe we could set them up when they’re teenagers. I don’t think I’m going to have to worry about him having too many girlfriends.

  • http://www.thebutterflymind.com Tammy at The Butterfly Mind

    Let me give you a tip right now about alarm clocks. They come in handy when those youngsters are teenagers. When they go out on dates (or whatever), you set the alarm for their curfew and tell them it better not go off and wake you up! That means they have to be home in time to turn it off and you don’t have to stay awake waiting for them. It’s the perfect solution. I had a really obnoxious clock that was a rocking horse. It whinnied and neighed and could wake up the entire neighborhood – my kid was never late!

  • http://www.whenpigsfly.squarespace.com Jen

    Poor child, she is in for a rude awakening when she gets older. Living life without having an alarm going off would be a wonderful thing. I guess that’s what vacations are for.

  • http://uberhacks.com gaming blog

    That noise still makes me feel sick whenever I hear it during the day time. It makes me want to vomit.

  • http://curryrecipe.com.au curry recipe

    Fantastic. Simply fantastic. I bet she becomes an actor.

  • http://howling-at-themoon.blogspot.com Carrie Jo

    See, that’s why I use my ipod’s alarm and wake up to very quiet new age music. THAT NOIIISE is evil. Pure evil.

  • http://www.jenandtonic.ca jenB

    I am amazed that more than 200 people are self admitted nerds, early readers and all of their kids are too! Either this is a reflection of your audience or no one else except me wants to admit their 5 year old reads, but also plays with her Nintendo DS watches SpongeBob and hasn’t yet plowed through a set of encyclopedias. I am not saving for ivy league college, but hoping she follows a path of critical thinking and discernment, which reading really does cultivate. My kid however is also opposed to loud noises of all kids, including the coffee grinder.

  • http://www.donthavekids.wordpress.com Karyn

    I don’t think you’ll be taking Leta to church anytime soon but if you do, be sure to monitor her reading material before you leave the house as she gets older. My mom let me read through church because I could not bear to be without a book in my hands for years. Until one Sunday, an older lady sitting next to me read over my shoulder and told my mom that she was horrified at what I was reading, and I was not ever allowed to take a book to church again.

    The book was “Deenie” by Judy Blume. And I’m sure that woman was right, God would not have wanted me to read that book in his house. But…it was good.

  • http://www.wisebills.co.uk John

    Haha – Funny. My wife hits the snooze button from 6am onwards up to about 7.15. Drives me mad! I know it’s horrible, but why not just get up at 7.15!?!?


  • http://sarahisawake.blogspot.com Sarah

    Being a first-year uni student, and:
    ‘The years of her life spent hitting snooze, snooze, snooze, and the ensuing panic when she realizes she’s late for Calculus.’
    …that’s my life.

  • Amber

    Maya! I think that would be a beautiful name for a new baby girl.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve spent the last couple minutes fighting the urge to post “FIRST! FIRST!” in your comments. Someone’s beaten me to it, surely.

  • http://etlilleoejeblik.blogspot.com trinsch

    take it from a mom of three boys aged 1.5 to 3: it happens a LOT of times every hour.

  • http://sarahisawake.blogspot.com Sarah again

    Woah, am I seriously first to comment? I usually scorn the ‘FIRST!’ people, but wow… I’m experiencing a thrill I have never before felt in my mooching teenager-y life.

  • Robyn

    I have 3 boys, ages 8 mos., 4 yrs, and 10 yrs. And yes, you were correct about parents of little boys asking that question quite often. It doesn’t even take a playdate! My 4 yr. old is the most inventive…He has found toys that his older brother forgot he had, that were stored in the top of the garage! When we ask him how he got them, he just shrugs and says, “it was easy!” And I know what you mean about the nerd thing, too. My ten year old was bored in 1st grade. His teacher had to bring in older work for him to do. She promised him that he could do it if he would finish his regular class work! My four year old is learning how to read fluently and can add into his teens. My 10 yr. old spoke sign language at 1 1/2 (he is not deaf), was doing scientific experiments at age 3, and he knew his presidents by kindergarten. My 8 mos. old has a vocabulary of 9 words and is learning body parts…he can tell me where my eyes are! I know I have went on and on, but I am proud of my children and their accomplishments. Congratulations to you and your family for your wonderful daughter and the new baby coming to you in the next few months!

  • http://jessieleighhunter.blogspot.com Jessie

    Ugh. THAT NOOOOIIIISE is the bane of my existence. No joke. My sister is now turning into a very Leta-like nerd and I have to confirm it really does take a significant amount of will power to not drag the books from her tiny little hands and inject some good old trashy American pop culture into her life.

  • Samantha

    I just had a little girl and she wakes me up crying about twice a night – when will I get a good nights sleep?

  • Michelle

    Sadly, the snooze! snooze! snooze! doesn’t stop when we become adults. Or responsible job-holders. Or parents. Maybe when we’re dead?

  • http://www.millatimes.com Milla

    just do us all a favor and keep the danielle steele books away from that little nerd.

  • http://www.hautetodaygonetomorrow.blogspot.com Tanya

    I can’t wait to see what Leta says when the new baby arrives. Talk about “that noise”…..
    When my second son was born my then 2.5 yr old had some crazy ass comments about the “thing that needs to go back”….
    Have a great week. :)

  • http://authenticthreads.org/blog Braidwood

    From now on when I my alarm clock goes off, I am going to run screaming out into our living room with my arms flying above my head yelling, “That noise! That noise!” Ahhhh! Its going to be a fun summer.

  • Anonymous

    She doesn’t get playdates? Is she ever bored? I guess the books occupy her.

  • Jo-Jo

    People who like to read a lot often end up becoming good writers. Maybe it’s a sign of things to come.

  • http://www.sustainablediet.blogspot.com amber

    i loved this post. and for the first time, i am commenting in time to actually make it into the comments, so i’m really wishing i had something more clever to say. (yeah!)

    i think, “THAT NOISE!” every morning, that’s for certain!

  • http://www.indapuddingclub.blogspot.com/ Lauren

    I was quite the reader when I was Leta’s age too – I soon worked my way up to adult level reading in 3rd/4th grade. My mom then made the mistake of boasting at a PTA meeting that her daughter was reading The Prince of Tides at age 10. Nothing like gay anal rape scenes to make a kid grow up and to incur the disappointment of suburban mothers.

  • jenny

    kill the television!
    nothing about it benefits children, they have the rest of their lives to veg with it if they want. go, leta!

  • Sandy

    You’re going to name the baby Audrey? I met a 4 year old named Gladys the other day.

  • dooce

    Jenny, Leta learned the alphabet from watching Sesame Street. When she was 18 months old.

  • http://www.therestofmylifesofar.net Mishi

    I would have laughed too. That’s a great reaction to an alarm.