• wannabemom

    Inconsequential nether-loogies?

  • http://www.sneathenfamily.blogspot.com Michelle S

    Just please tell me you didn’t save it for not Maria’s baby book. . . I can’t even deal with people saving baby teeth and hair, and I’ve had two children! Funny post

  • typingelbow

    feel free to twitter through the whole labor! Then someone on etsy can cross-stitch a transcript and frame it for you! Best wishes, Dooce!

  • http://www.thedomesticatedgoddess.com DomGoddess

    Thought I’d share. A recent post to my pregnant friend:

    You think retching into the toilet after your husband sprays cologne is the worst of it? Just wait until your tits are the size of your head, and veined like a summer watermelon. Motherhood will rock your world like no man ever has–or will. And no one tells you this, but your breasts will hurt like hell when the milk comes in, on day three. It’s like a second labor, except that you are working on 2 hours of sleep.

    And don’t even think about bottle-feeding, unless you want to deprive your child of an immune system.

    And one more thing. Toddlers have a desperate need for your undivided attention– on average–once every 1.5 minutes, they’ve done studies.

    Just take the energy level you had pre-pregnancy, and divide it by half. That’s what you’re working with until they get into Jr. High. So fuck gummy bears. Eat your Wheaties. :)

    I love how your peeps are trying to be nice, but I gotta tell it like it is. Then it will seem easier when you’ve got cold cabbage leaves stuffed into your bra.

  • Carrie

    Sorry, that should be “they hide from the childless,” not “they had from the childless.” Guess it would’ve helped if I’d actually previewed my comment during the “preview” portion of posting. D’oh!

  • martha

    ………now someone else said this first,(which means it wasn’t me)

    we want to see a photo of said mucous plug
    I have had 2 kids and never saw a mucous plug
    curious…………all I can think of is a mushy cork!

  • http://daddyscratches.com Daddy Scratches

    I will again say how thankful I am for being born with a penis.

    (And, for the record, I had *no* second thoughts about getting a vasectomy.)

  • Denise

    Hey…for those of us East of the Mississippi that might (I say MIGHT) not hear the screaming…please be sure to let us know so when the rest of the package drops out so we can celebrate with you!!

  • Anonymous

    The best part is, your body continues to make it after it falls out, if you haven’t gone into labor. So, maybe you’ll get to see another one! Lucky day!

  • http://.jonesberry.blogspot.com Becky

    My plug came out two weeks pre due date and I went over due. I’m thinking you’ll keep for another two weeks.

  • Lisa

    Heather, you never cease to make me laugh. Who would have thought a mucus plug popping out would be so humorous!? Good luck on the birth. Can’t wait to hear about it.

  • Tracey

    LOL loving the mucus plug talk… With my first, mucus plug came 4 days before bub arrived. With my second, about 10 hours before.

    Plugs don’t indicate anything other than you’re still pregnant. :P

  • Anonymous

    Good luck to ya! I just lent my supercool boss your “Father” book, he loves it. We were just talking about you this morning.

  • http://losangelesstory.blogspot.com L.A. Story

    Yeah, the good ol’ mucous plug. I had my daughter a couple days after I was introduced to that slimy little guy. But not before calling my doctor to say WTF? She was in church at the time and did not take kindly to my call. I was scared, she was angry that I interrupted. I love church and all, but gotta a new doctor after birth.

  • Jackie

    I’m super excited for you. I never had the joy of finding a mucus plug as I had a scheduled c-section, but I enjoyed the post all the same. I will be cheering for you in California. Hugs to the Armstrong 3 (almost 4.)

  • http://marymoores.blogspot.com/ Mary@Holy Mackerel

    I remember when mine came out with my second child. Into the toilet. I called for my husband and told him what I thought had just happened, and he told me I had to stop talking about it because he was about to pass out…no googling for my man.

  • Anonymous

    i don’t remember losing my mucus plug. i could have been in heavy labor at that point and just overlooked the mucus.

    i was so overcome by the laboring, that when my water broke i yelled “holy shit, i just pissed myself.” cuz i really thought i had just peed the bed.

  • Erin

    fwiw, i lost my mucous plug @ 33 wks & didn’t have my son until his due date. hang in there ;)

  • http://www.mayonnaiseblog.blogspot.com ktm

    I am beginning my 15th week of my first pregnancy today. I am scared – shaking over here.

  • http://www.uptopdesigns.com Barbara

    You called your husband “sperm provider”. Awesome.

  • Anonymous

    Google gave this great piece of information. This should really brighten your day!

    Loss of the mucous plug means that labor will most likely start within the next 2 to 3 weeks, sometimes sooner.

  • http://OddGoodTrue.blogspot.com Cupcake Murphy

    Good god that was funny. If you ever run into my nephew don’t tell him I told you this but when he was 4 yrs old he saw his baby sister’s hooha while her diaper was being changed and asked what THAT was and my sister kind of explained and he responded “oh. right. her front butt.” BOTTOM NOSE reminded me of that. Hilarious!!

  • admin

    I’m so much more than a sperm donor. SO MUCH MORE.

  • jen in co

    I remember a lot of people telling me the SAME thing — 24-48 hours — got my hopes up big time, but alas, nothing until eight days later. I kept thinking maybe I had a spare mp…. like one is not enough.

  • http://keeponsmyelin.blogspot.com/ Nico Blue

    Hmm, interesting. I never had the pleasure of loosing my mucous plug. I just thought it came out in bits….which I guess it does for some. I wonder how much it would fetch on eBay…hehe ;)

    Sending you lots of labour vibes!!!

  • http://www.thisjoyslife.com joyluck76

    Your post made me snort while LOLing. Then, as if that weren’t enough, spew coke out of my mouth AND nose in the following sentence. Thanks for the endorphin spike. Good luck pushing that kid out.

  • http://frettingthesmallstuff.typepad.com Andrea

    Wow, I never got to experience that due to my freakishly small pelvis and my boy who thought hanging out way up in my ribcage or grill as I ended up calling it. Good luck and here’s hoping to not a massive number of calls and emails asking you: are you in labor yet?

  • Elizabeth

    My middle child was born less than 4 hours after my MP fell out. Hope your time is short!!

  • Katy

    At the moment she said it looked like a booger, did you kick yourself inwardly that you didn’t think to say that’s what it was? :) I love you guys.

    Unfortunately, people group the mucous plug coming out with labor, when they do not always go hand in hand. Sad but true.

    C’mon Not Maria! The Internet is waiting to meet you and criticize your choice of tile!

  • http://kosherporkchops.com Enna

    I clicked on Jon’s link and saw pictures of the mucous plug.

    Thanks for the remind to fill my birth control prescription. For the rest of my life.
    (That came off mean but I didn’t mean it to sound mean. That is just one of those things I never learned about in health class. And SWEET CRAP thank God I didn’t, or I never would have eaten again.)

  • Ann

    Man, you are killing me! I can’t laugh after throwing out my back having sex this morning (not kidding!). I am flat on my back trying not to laugh. But it doesn’t hurt as much as labor.

    Good luck!

  • Juanita

    Hola Heather :)

    I lost my mucus plug with 2 of my 3 kids and my kids were born more than 2 weeks later.

    If you want to have your baby (why people want that is beyond me- let the baby relax and you too! Because having a baby is nonstop once it comes out)
    I ate spicy mexican and some pineapple and went into labor that nite (I was a week past my due date)
    Another time I did the “deed” and that nite went into labor
    The last kid (born a year ago) did not want to come out for anything so I had to be induced about a week past my due date.
    Good luck!
    I sure hope you do tweet during your labor. That would be awesome :)

  • http://sliceoflemon.com sabrina

    I hope you have a healthy and happy baby, and that labor is easy…but really? This is getting creepier by the minute. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to call my mom and apologize for being 9 lbs and 4 oz — her “mucous plug” (yes, quotes, I’m pretty much convinced you made that up) must have been the size of a baseball.

  • http://www.lovemaegan.com …love Maegan

    um, yeah. kinda gross.

  • http://yummantra.blogspot.com LD

    Dude. I am at work laughing hysterically AND suppressing my gag reflex = awesome.

  • Ms. E

    So I almost googled pics of other people’s plugs. Geez, am I that easily influenced?! And then the horror dawned on me, so I didn’t. I grew up with a lot animals and I’ve seen plenty o’ goat plugs to last me forever. Is that worse? Maybe, but…no…the plug of a goat you take care of is not like images of random stranger plugs.

  • http://zipbagofbones.blogspot.com Cat

    Is it the same as a bottle of wine, and the baby will go stale after leaving the cork out too long? Perhaps a tampon will keep the baby fresh and full-bodied?

    Bon chance to you all.

  • http://www.kage-g.blogspot.com kage

    Even though reading about the whole mucous plug thing was gross (and hilarious), all I want to do right now is google a picture of a mucous plug. I don’t want to see it….I need to.

  • mary

    you must make love to the sperm donor tonight
    stimulating your nipples bring on labor big time
    it worked for me – don’t delay getting to the
    hospital – i had no time for drugs – and i was
    43

  • Jiyin

    SO FUCKING GROSS. I LOVE IT.

  • siobhan

    Dammit. Because it’s my birthday today, and I was hoping to share it with Not-Maria Armstrong.

  • Lee

    So I’m a newlywed and was thinking about starting a family soon-ish. Hadn’t thought about a mucus plug. Might wait a little longer. My husband thanks you! (By the way we saw your reading at B&N in Tribeca a few months ago and loved it!)

  • Kristine

    Can’t wait to meet Not Maria!

  • Alyssa

    Icky! Glad I adopted and don’t feel the need to birth any children because that just sealed the deal for birthin’ babies out of these lady bits.

  • swerld

    *two thumbs up* all the best! :D

  • Sherryl

    I wonder how many people googled images of mucous plugs after reading this? Good luck with the pushing a human out of your vagina thing!

  • Jennifer

    Nothing like sitting down to eat a pudding cup with whipped cream and reading that first line… To quote Rachel Ray: YUM-O. :)

  • amy

    I feel gyped as I never saw my mucos plug(s).
    My first one went into labor naturally but I never saw it and my second was a planned c-section. So no plugs for me.
    I think I would have really liked seeing that too. :(

  • http://pearl-berries.blogspot.com/ Anonymous

    Yeah, I am not gonna lie. I have totally been checking Twitter and your site every couple of hours for an update.

    Does this mean I a) have no life, b) am obsessed with you or c) am crazy curious to hear what you name the runt?

    I will let you decide.

  • http://vocabularyvixen.wordpress.com Rachel

    I fell to temptation. Damn.

    Although, I’m probably one of the few here that have not been deterred from having children soon because of this!

    I must be weird.