• KellyKjellberg

    that sounds like many a morning at my house! starting with the ‘play dead’ to the ‘woe is me’ act!

  • sodapopstar

    Yup, she’s got an acute case of the 5 year old drama llamas. Infects my house a good 6 days a week. Thank god she’s in school. I’m always super disappointed when I wave goodbye to mine while she’s trying to make me feel guilty!

  • Jennie

    My daughter is only 21 months and she’s already started with the morning dramatics. She clings onto the side of her bed when I try to pick her up and screams “No mommy, me night night!” then proceeds to throw herself on the floor and sob.

    I’m screwed, right?

  • BabyGizmo

    Judge you? I applaud you! It’s like you were describing half of my mornings…well, and afternoons…and evenings. My daughter is 3 months shy of age 5 – so I usually get a drop-to-the-floor-tantrum followed by…”I’m sad”…then “you are the worst mommy in the world!” Yeah, it is also a whole Academy Award Winning performance! All that drama is after she has the smart mouth with me saying “I’ll just do it anyway…” I agree…I wouldn’t be here today if those words came out of my mouth as a child! Hmmm. Maybe I need to instill more fear?

  • Anu

    :) )ohh the drama! Yeah, the trip to Africa will have to wait I guess. I admire your patience, I would have talked about Africa within the first 2 mins.

  • Jennine

    My boss just asked me to do a project I dislike so I used the Leta line of “I’m sad and my whole day is RUINED!”

    It didn’t work.

    Reality based parenting is most effective. Parent with her future in mind and you’ll be just fine.

  • yogagrrl

    This is one of those things that I get can make parents feel bad for doing, but given that most of us survived similar experiences largely unscarred… no big.

  • tdaniel

    Well crap – now I feel bad about telling my son that he needed a trip to Africa to see what life is really like…I didn’t know that wasn’t acceptable when he acts like a major brat b/c the world is handed to him on a platter. Lucky for him though…I am more oft to go on about how I left the house at 7:00am and didn’t get home until 6:30pm and I know he is hungry but give me ONE MINUTE TO BREATHE! :)

  • Naperville Now

    Did you know that under the Google ads on this page there’s an ad for Vasectomy Reversal? Now, THAT’S marketing.
    Hang in there, sleep-deprived and drama-infused Mom.

  • jennisdrinking

    Now I feel less alone in my frustration with my belligerant and stubborn 6 yr old girl.

  • simpliSAHM

    I can’t decide which is worse; an overly dramatic and disgruntled tot or teen… however it’s a moot point for me since I have BOTH.

  • FlippyO

    It”s time for the story of “The Boy Who Cried ‘Wolf’” for the kid who yells “help” at the grocery store. She’s gonna be real sorry if she ever really needs help and people think she’s just being assy again.

    That said, wow, the drama. I was afraid to try that even in my teen years. Of course, we also had so few things that could be taken away – no iPods, video games, etc. My parents couldn’t really threaten to take away my books or my sports equipment, which was the only stuff I cared about. (the softball glove couldn’t be taken away because it would affect the other kids on my teams).

  • moey_18

    Yep, been there, done that, with all 5 of my kids. The girls AND THE BOYS, thank you oh so much! I have a 4 and a half year old that told a complete stranger during her brother’s hockey practice last week, “My Mama is ignoring me, can you get me a Gatorade?” Yep, okay. Keep acting like that and not only will I let Joe Stranger get you a Gatorade, I’ll let you DRINK IT, even at the risk of it containing arsenic.

    I’ll show you to lip off, Sad, Neglected Little Girl!! I bet children in AFRICA don’t behave this way. Outrageous!

  • BexBrown

    I have a 6 year old 5 year old 4 year old and 2 year old girls. My 1 year old is a boy. I think i love him more than he will ever know. Drop leta off here, she can join our drama club. And there will be plenty of room soon since my husband plans on fixing up the basement for himself to curl up with ear plugs and his friend jack daniels.

  • moey_18

    AMEN. We have three (8, 4.5, and 2.5) and live in a perpetual state of fake tears, hair pulling, and emotional turmoil.

    And, I’d like it to be noted that, if you do the math, ALL THREE will be teenagers TOGETHER. Shove two boys into the mix as well.

    Awesome. Looking forward to the prescription that will be required. For all of us.

  • Mama Anachronism

    Oh crap is this a glimpse into my future? I have a 2 year old AND a 3 month old daughter…

  • MustangMelATL

    hate to tell you that it doesn’t really get better-just different. my 12 y.o. daughter told me the other day that I was undermining her confidence. yeah, tell it to your therapist, kid.

  • BexBrown

    @simpliSAHM: Is there even a difference, y’know, aside from the maxi pad usage?

  • doctorandmama

    Like a teen! As I like to tell my husband, just wait until 10 years from now, when he’ll have a menopausal wife and two teenage daughters. Although I feel like my girls have been like teens since birth. My 7 yo daughter made two choice comments to me yesterday: “Why do you always command me?” (this is after she ignored my polite requests about 5 times in a row) and “You don’t even know what is going on in school.” The second comment dug deep into my heart, because of the guilt I have been having this school year after truly not doing much at her school after having been her class coordinator last year. Somehow, I am unable to figure out how to be fair to her and her kindergartner sister’s needs, and am therefore doing nothing, stunned into inaction.

  • Heather W

    I do believe Leta is the reincarnation of my Jewish Grandmother, who used to say things like, “Oh don’t worry that I can’t make the (graduation, birthday, wedding) I’ll just sit here and think happy thoughts…..which are the only happy thoughts I have these days. Sigh. I’m not long for this world….”
    Nana?!?! Is that you?!?!

  • libwitch

    What a drama queen! At least she will have a great career as an actress.

  • addingtone

    It’s like we have the same daughter!

  • redboxs

    I’d try to instill fear into my 8 year old, but she carries a knife and she’ll cut a bitch…

  • Jayceekay

    I absolutely adore that kid!!!
    And I absolutely agree with you, Heather….a little fear is definitely needed! I think the younger generation really needs to have a little fear. I don’t know, maybe it keeps you responsible.
    We may have DONE most of the same junk that kids do today but at least we knew to fear our parents’ wrath and I believe it may have made us think twice. Fear is good! Up with fear! I look at some of the stuff my nieces and nephews do and say and I think “my mother would have killed me just for thinking that much less doing it!”

  • simplyred

    For a min. I thought I was reading what is happening in my household. Those were the things my daughter would say. Is that 5-yr girl universal language?

  • jessiCat

    oy vey. i totally feel your pain. my son, who just turned 6 last month, has the dramatic tendencies and attitude of a 16 year old girl. EVERY MORNING i have the “my GOD son….i can not be late for work again. could you PLEASE put your effing pants on!?!?!”. if i turn my back for a millisecond, he will have gotten back in the bed, removed any clothing that i have tackled him and forced on him as he flails like he is on fire, and be ASLEEP. AGAIN. seriously. and oh boy….the commentary that comes out of that kids mouth is amazing. the most frequent things he says are: “this is the worst day EVER!”, “i am so stupid!”, “why do you make ME DO EVERYTHING!?!”. you know, everything, like say….picking up his shoes so nobody kills themselves tripping over them. geez, what pressure that has to put on him! he has also told me things like leta said about her ds. i have threatened to do all sorts of things, and that little person will tell me in no uncertain terms that “nu uh, i’ll get it back”. thank you JESUS for medication. and vodka. :)

  • VinnyGirl

    OMG, a little fear never hurt anybody. In fact, I don’t think kids now days fear much of anything. Which is not so good.

  • roryboy

    Loved, loved this post…..

    As a mother of 2 daughters (ages 20 and 23)….enjoy the hysterics….Best memories ever now.

  • LizD

    I have a (now teen) child that’s always been like this (slooooow to get ready for school). Finally, after years of cajoling, bribing, threatening, crying, and begging, I decided THIS WASN’T WORKING. So I did the ole’ “natural consequence” thingy and one morning didn’t say a peep to her, of course she wasn’t ready on time… so I put her in the car and took her to school (grade school). The humiliation of me walking into her classroom with her, telling her teacher (loud enough so everyone could hear), that she had no excuse for being late and that she just didn’t get ready on time, cured it for good.

    Ahhhh… to think I did SOMETHING right through all these years!!!

  • Sully

    I had basically the same morning you had. Except my son would never be the same again because I was mad at him. Of course, I wasn’t mad. I just wanted him to PUT HIS CLOTHES ON!! I only asked him about 4 kazillion times before I took away video games for a day.

  • Sully

    I had basically the same morning you had. Except my son would never be the same again because I was mad at him. Of course, I wasn’t mad. I just wanted him to PUT HIS CLOTHES ON!! I only asked him about 4 kazillion times before I took away video games for a day.

  • WebSavyMom

    –>I think fear is a good thing. You’re not her best friend but her mother. FEAR THIS. ;-)

    This has been one of my favorite posts to date. Thanks for the chuckle.


  • JessicaRabbit

    You are going to have TONS of fun when she is 15, TONS AND TONS.

    I personally used to go with the classic, I haaaate you and I hhuuhuuuhooope I get hit by a buuuussss and theeenn YOU will be soooo sorrryyyyyy muuhhuhuhuhuhhhhhhuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

    Girls, we know how to work the mope like nothing else in the world. Not even puppies with sad eyes can top us.

  • angheiz


    On a daily basis, I use “If you don’t get outside to the van right this second, we’re just going to have to leave you at home all day. By yourself. Hope you’ve learned to cook and subsequently call 911. You’re going to need it.” Works every time. She’ll figure out a way around THAT by the time she’s 3.

  • sunny

    Ya know how people have their “things”? The stuff or societal issues they care most about? Well, I have an incredible passion for Africa and the people who live there. This is for many reasons but the two most important ones are: 1) I’ve lived there (Ethiopia to be exact), and 2) My son was born there (again Ethiopia). I adore the continent, people, and cultures. This comment is in no way meant to judge you or make your feel bad. I love your blog and will continue to read it without fail. I, however, do want to tell you that yes, there are many people in AFrica who are “without shoes” and more importantly food/clean water. BUT, there are many stories of hope, endurance, laughter, and love. I get sad when I hear people refer to Africa as “poor Africa” or insinuate the same. I know your mention of Africa was very brief and your point was a good one, but I just wanted to add a little because Africa is so near and dear to my heart. I love your writing. Thanks, Sunny

  • amwatkins

    How can I judge, when my daughter and I have had similar discussions already- and she’s not even 4 years old!!!

  • Pinkporches

    Oh no Heather, fear is goooooooood! More mommas should instill fear in their children. I’d so much rather have my kids scared of what I’m going to say then scared of how hard I’m going to smack them. You handled that very well. Good job. Clap, clap, clap.


  • ErikaMSN

    Oh my god. That was my morning. Except that I told her I’d take a quarter out of her bank, and she said she didn’t care, and so I walked off w/ the whole bank and then went back and pulled her pajamas off of her, and now she now wants to run away. Then my husband made the mistake of saying sometimes he wants to run away too, and now she’s making plans for them both to run away. Just for one night, and just somewhere close, so she can go to school tomorrow, of course. Oh, and she says she just wants to have a peaceful house, and Mama won’t let it be peaceful. Do I feel like shit? Yep, I do…

  • Caitlyn Nicholas

    LOL. My Miss Five does the exact same thing. And yes, when sleep deprived, under pressure and over it, I lose it and argue back as well :)

    Hang in there.


  • cndbain

    My five year old just did something like this when I made him shut off his video game. He declared that he hates me, he’s going to run away from home and I’ll never see him again, and DO I WANT HIM TO GET HIT BY A CAR??!!!

    Deep breaths.


  • hasher

    Awesome, well written and a great story. Love it.

  • Peggy

    Good Gravy Marie!
    I have been there and done that. I’m still going through this kind of thing but on an older level. I threaten my 18 year old all the time. “If you don’t take that drunken picture of yourself off Facebook, I’m taking the car away, FOREVER!”
    It never ends, but I do love the fact that Leta is so smart that she has it down pat already.

    Good Luck!!!

  • lipjunkjunkie

    We are forever being uninvited to our son’s birthday party. I guess that’s a 4 1/2 year old’s ultimate put down.

  • Becca

    wanted to add: I once screeched my car to a halt, turned around and said “PARDON ME??” to my son when I got lip from the backseat. (Luckily it was a sideroad with no one behind me.) He got the point. I have also been known to silently turn the car around and drive back home when getting attitude. When he figures out we are not going where he thought we were, apologies fly fast.

  • kat

    Leta is 5 right … mine is soon to be 9 and we have had this same fight since she started going to school when she was 2. It hasn’t gotten any easier and I have not gained any understanding in how to deal with her or make her stop.

    PS I tried the timing thing to … they catch on quickly that it really isn’t a game.

  • tryinghard

    Oh, thank goodness. I thought my 5-year old was the only one! Fantastic story. Thank you for sharing.

  • MichelleC

    I don’t have kids yet, but as I read your blog I’m making many notes to myself. I don’t think I’m as patient as you are, but I’m hoping to be there someday as I suspect if my kids are anything like I was… I’m going to need A LOT of patience.

  • Ommax3

    My oh so often comment to my children, especially my 7 year old drama queen, “well, my job is to keep you fed, clothed and safe…happy is not my responsiblity!” And, then I walk away…”hope you don’t miss the “mommybus” to school sweetie, as you pout away your life”

    ahhhhhh the joy of girl drama….

  • irritableblogsyndrome

    Now that was friggin’ awesome. I just about blew Diet Pepsi outta my nose when I read the last sentence. How has there NOT been a scientific study on little girls and their own version of having a “cycle”? OH IT’S REAL PEOPLE! Just ask anyone with a daughter.

  • Lizzy

    When my three kids whine and tell they “want” something, I have been known to say “Well, people in hell want ice water”; and then I have a drink. At noon.

    I win for parent of the year.