• LoveMeDaily

    Kids always seem to have a new way to keep you in a constant state of insecurity whether its putting off their nap by 30 minutes thereby pushing off bedtime by HOURS or waking up at an arbitrary time in the morning. It’s all to let you know who’s really in control. All those time outs mean nothing when they have the power to impact your ENTIRE day through their sleep patterns.

    Great post. You have an undeniable way with story telling. Your blog was brought to my attention after seeing you on an HGTV commercial. Congratulations!

  • cdanojohnson

    When I was a children’s librarian there was this wild-grey haired homeless fella (in a pair of cut off short shorts) who would come down to the Junior Non-Fiction once a week to get some Leprechan books. The first time he came down he spoke to great length with one of my coworkers about them and waved his arms around quite a bit. Then the second, third, and twentieth time he just walked straight back to the 398′s for folktales and folklore and muttered “Leprechan books” as he walked past the reference desk.

  • Daily Cup of Jo

    Yeah, I’m Irish and I say, screw leprechauns and the teachers who perpetrate the myth. Like we don’t have enough to keep up with, now we have to understand little green cobblers? I just make my three lasses some Irish soda bread and substitute Guinness for their evening glass of milk on March 17th. Guess who doesn’t wake up at 5 the next morning.

    Kidding. Kidding. Sometimes it’s Harp’s Lager.

  • MamaChockley

    They tried to do this leprechaun tapping at the window/leaving notes thing at daycare when my son was three years old. He freaked out SO SEVERELY AND COMPLETELY, both at home and at school, that they shelved the practice forever. I’m proud of our legacy.

  • Crazy Card Lady

    When my son Ben was a toddler, he slept so well that I could vacuum under his crib. You may want to try playing some white noise or light music in Marlo’s room so she gets used to having noise around to sleep. You can’t have her run the world, nor matter how cute she is. The next thing you will know, you won’t have any life of your own. With four kids I never allowed their sleep schedule to rule my life. A lot of times crying is a way for a child to communicate that they want to be with you. If they have to wait a few minutes then, they will learn who is in charge. You have to teach your kids early, that you run the household, not them. It sure pays off when they are teenagers.

  • kc4975

    The crazy things that kiddos come up with…I currently have ghost repellant placed strategically throughout the house so that no ghosts can get in. I wonder what he has talked about, watched, played, etc at school or at his fathers house that he worries about these things. AHHHH…the wonders that are in a child’s mind.

  • n8cherluver

    You are too funny!!!!!!

  • sarahmcow

    The freaking ice cream truck drives through our neighborhood AT NAPTIME. ON SATURDAYS. What the hell?

    And when my college kid sister makes comments about her sleeping/waking schedule I just laugh. It literally seems a million years ago. *sigh*

  • Chrissy

    “If anything you want them at your party because they can hold their liquor. Also, don’t they all come with marshmallows?”

    I just got up off the floor laughing at that line…I don’t have kids (yet) but I really love your observations!

  • cantthinkofausername

    You do realize that Sunday is daylight savings? So sorry about that one. At least you had a few good days.

    And holy shit that was a lot of effort to leave a comment.

    I’m Jenny btw.

  • button

    5 AM! Even 6:30! That is why I insist our daughter goes to bed around 10:30 or 11pm. That way we sleep until 9am. Thank God it works.

  • soozle

    It’s not just in school, it starts way earlier. For the last five weeks, every Monday at my toddler’s daycare was “reptile day.” Some nice lady from some animal organization somewhere brings in cute little lizards and snakes and turtles for the kids to see and hold.

    And every Monday night was “nightmare night” at our house, where we were all were woken up by my toddler’s bloodcurdling screams as she had one bad dream after another featuring lizards and snakes and turtles.

    That period was the first time in my life where I noticed, even longed for, the arrival of Tuesday. Weekend be damned, Tuesdays were da bomb.

  • Charmings Mama

    I feel your pain, I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old. I had forgotten how confining an infants schedule can be. The 3 year old gave up naps all together nine months ago and the 5 month old, well he thinks he’s being banished to the outer realms when I put him down for a nap.

  • honeyedhashette

    Hey…don’t you knock a fear of leprechauns! When I was 5 the movie Gremlins came out and this was back in the day when all commercials where family friendly and all they showed on the Gremlins commercial was cute, adorable puppy eyed Gizmo. My parents thought it was a childrens’ movie. I had nightmares for TWO YEARS. I slept in my parents bed for TWO YEARS. Okay, that second part was a slight exaggeration, but still…little elfike spritey pointy eared men in all green who are ticked off cause somebody stole their pot of gold can be pretty intimidating to a little person, especially if that little person has an imagination like her very hilarious mother. :)

  • alexandrahlw

    Listen, Leprechauns are SCARY. They might sit on a pot of gold or whatever, but think about something that tiny and that Irish and that green TAPPING ON YOUR WINDOW. I’m with Leta. It’s a pass for me.

    p.s.- Heather B. you are hysterical and I’m reading your book right now. Thanks for being so inspiring.

  • Jacquie

    Ah, that’s good stuff. We do get some really good and juicy insider info from the kids at school, it’s sometimes hard not to greet parents with things like “So, I hear that you don’t eat cucumbers because they make you burp, but that you like it when daddy chases you around the kitchen with the big ones.”

    The most liberating day in all of parenthood is when they outgrow naps. It’s like the whole world of weekends opens up for your amusement….

    It’s hard to relearn how to sleep in, though. I wrote about it once: http://meandyouandellie.blogspot.com/2008/05/sleeping-in.html

  • alexandrahlw

    Listen, Leprechauns are SCARY. They might sit on a pot of gold or whatever, but think about something that tiny and that Irish and that green TAPPING ON YOUR WINDOW. I’m with Leta. It’s a pass for me.

    p.s.- Heather you are hysterical and I’m reading your book right now. Thanks for being so inspiring.

  • mjryates

    What do you mean “down” to two naps? She napped more? You are seriously lucky to have a child sleep so well. If my daughter could nap longer than 45 minutes, I would consider myself very accomplished. Lucky, lucky you.

  • Lizgizzy

    My son used to sleep in 15 minute increments. I WAS the neighborhood crazy lady. We are just starting the fun of him waking up on his own, padding into our room to wake us up at 6:00am, and he’s no longer taking naps. I’m the slight less crazy lady.

  • lovingthismomstuff

    Haha! That is brilliant!

    Loving This Mom Stuff

  • dewwshane

    I remember waking up with the sun as a little kid, and at certain times of year that could be as early as 5ish. My parents simply laid down the law. I was to NOT wake them up, I could go downstairs, help myself to a banana, and watch Bozo the clown. And being 4 – 5 years old, I did as I was told (which blows my mind – I rarely follow instructions as an adult).

    Maybe Leta could be given her own morning routine, that doesn’t involve waking the family up?

  • InfamousQBert

    okay, it’s been a long time since i’ve laughed that hard. being the child of a public school teacher, i have SOME idea of the mind that thought that up, and it’s AWESOME.

    seriously, though, the 5 year old mind can make up some pretty crazy things without the help of devious teachers. just ask me about diet-pill-popping vampires and evil eskimos.

  • simpliSAHM

    Favorite line:

    “She may be liberal, but she’s related to people who own guns.”

  • Mister-M

    Dooce isn’t thinking outside the box on this one. This calls for a movie night. Nothing will get the child over her fear of Leprechauns faster than a family get-together over a tub of buttered popcorn to watch the movie…


    I was a helluva lot older than your daughter when I saw that and I still sleep with one eye open this time of year. ;)


  • jillll

    As a kindergarten teacher turned stay-at-home mama, I can only laugh at this. LOVE it!

  • Little L

    HA! 2 naps! (said ala Napoleon Dynamite) Luckyyy!

    My oldest never slept (she is 13 and still has sleeping issues) as a baby.

    My youngest is my sleeper. She has the ability to fall asleep while telling me she isn’t tired…

    I don’t mean to be rude but there are two of you. Staying at home. With no need to get to a job by 8 a.m.

    One needs to wake up and let the other sleep a few days and the other needs to reciprocate.

  • Little L

    Anyone suggesting ‘white noise’ or trying to put a child to sleep during noisy times? Yeah… not helping!

    Your child happens to be the way they are (able to sleep through concrete being jackhammered under their bed) because of pure chance.

    It’s not normal. Your child *is* unique. Quiet bothers them.

    The end.

  • deathbyjava

    Leprechauns are the stuff of evil! GREEN EVIL! My parents were well-meaning, but they didn’t really understand what Leprechaun was really about (they were Chinese, newly immigrated). So they let me watch it, BY MYSELF, upstairs in the attic where they had my playroom installed. I think they thought, in their Chinese parent way that hey, leprechaun is small, I was small and that equals rated G entertainment! I slept with my eyes open for many nights after that. It didn’t help that there was that particular leprechaun episode on that old horror show Are You Afraid of the Dark before I watched Leprechaun too.

    I didn’t fully shake off my heebie jeebies of St. Paddy’s Day until I discovered beer. My sympathies to Leta!

  • Googooboyy

    It sucks that society are taught how to behave by preying on their fears, especially when they’re young.

    Sure, it makes them behave. For some time, until they forget about it.

    Fortunately, where I come from, I know nothing of Leprachauns. All I see now are tiny, green men with really short legs, and that’s not entirely scary at all.

  • christina564

    This has to be the best post yet! It’s 5:24 AM, and I’m up because…guess what I do for a living? Yep, elementary school teacher! Your post made me laugh!

  • rider of the pendulum

    I wish my kids got up at 5 or 6. They are entering teen years and they stay up later than me. It’s tough to enforce brushing teeth when I am already an hour into REM. I get up that early so I am awake enough to deal with my 3 kids, and then I have to rouse them out of bed.
    I do remember the days of planning my life around naps. I thought it was pretty rough. Now I plan my life around their social schedules. Heather it just gets harder.
    My youngest had a ton of phobias. Hurricanes were one of the worst. I tried to explain that the Midwest doesn’t have hurricanes but he wouldn’t hear of it.
    LOL Beth http://www.ridingthependulum.com

  • trongnhan_qn

    What a helpfull post, thanks so must
    You can view may site and have Fun. Thanks

  • tkthiel

    Two words: Box Fan.

    I was living in Los Angeles when I had my son and every afternoon, like clockwork, a crazy, squawking flock of wild parrots would fly over my house disrupting his nap.

    I was at my wit’s end until I discovered that, if I simply left a box fan whirring in the corner, the resultant white noise was enough to block out any disturbances. It’s cheap ($11 at target) and it works!

    You’re welcome. ;)

  • twhitten

    It could be worse, it can always be worse my parents took the liberty of dispelling Leprechauns, Santa Clause and the Easter bunny all in one swift death. So I was left to ask really terrible questions all day every day, oh AND I was the kid who told the others that Santa was not real because my parents said so, yes I was that kid. right? it could be so much worse…

  • twhitten

    I forgot, http://youhavetoeatdirt.wordpress.com/ :) Happy Friday y’all

  • Rosamund

    I love it when my daughter naps (she’s about a week younger than Marlo). She usually has two, very occasionally three naps a day and it’s fab! I get to do frivolous things like read a newspaper or watch the TV. I’m not looking forward to evil leprechauns and 5am starts- who can blame her though, leprechauns are totally sinister, worse than trolls under the bridge.

  • cdpeterson

    Ok…I’ve just realized through all the comments that either A.) my parental skills suck or B.) my child is totally abnormal. My 3 almost 4 yr old wakes up usually around 2 am-crawls into bed with us, then is up at 4 am asking if it’s daytime yet & can she watch sprout. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ My child is also afraid of everything under the sun & we have figured out that letting her “spray the monster spray” (FABREEZE BOTTLE WITH WATER) all over her room & any other room-makes her not so afraid to sleep in her room.

  • cashmere4cotton

    I joined just so I could publicly kvetch about our douchey UPS guy who likes to deliver packages, yes, you guessed it, exactly in the middle of nap time. And can he just leave the dang packages on the porch? Oh, hellz no…he has to ring the bell AND knock and then comment on insert-thing-that-is-none-of-his-business-here while I am signing for a package THAT DOESN’T NEED TO BE SIGNED FOR. That douche. So I started putting up a sign next to the door: Do not knock or ring bell. Baby sleeping. Take that, troll man baby waker upper guy!

  • FlushedFace

    I developed my fear of Leprechauns when, at 5 years old, I saw the Disney movie “Darby O’Gill and the Little People”. NEVER SHOW YOUR 5 YEAR OLD THAT MOVIE!

  • ddicorcia

    forgot..finally updated http://www.thejerseyshort.com

  • ddicorcia

    forgot..finally updated http://www.thejerseyshort.com

  • eleel

    ahhhh…sleep!!! we just started the “sleep lady shuffle” and no longer allow the 8 month old out of the crib before 6 am. 6:30 = HEAVEN.

  • aflicker

    Sleep, what’s that? And now with day light savings, naps are going to get messed up again, agh. The worst is when you’ve even gone as far as to post a no soliciting sign and someone still has the nerve to knock on your door, causing the dog to bark, and thus waking the baby.

  • Jalima

    When we moved to our current home my kids were all still nappers in one shape or form (son one a day, daughters 2). Well wouldn’t you know the back yard of our house faced a middle school! With a marching band! That had different classes practicing at different points of the day! Outside! Crimey, it was brutal but eventually the kids got used to it..

    How enjoyable it was to have my oldest reach said middle school and be able to tell band teacher the havoc he brought to my household during those early days. Luckily he was a nice guy and I could laugh about it. Finally.

    Because at one point I wanted to strangle his freaking neck… BIG TIME. And throw big rocks through the band room window. And deflate all of his tires and put water in his gas tank.

  • moonware

    As a Kindergarten teacher, I am laughing so hard I’m crying. Love.this.post.

  • cyndmarie

    Yep, my daughter thinks 5 am or so is a great time to wake up!! I hate when the gardner comes in the middle of my daughter sleeping. She is a horrible napper, she thinks she is way too good for naps. I am always tempted to go and yell, but I don’t…maybe I should!!

  • ChrisMoose

    Ya know… it would be to the benefit of your kids (all who have posted, including Heather) to continue your normal activities while the kids nap. That way they will learn to sleep through anything and will not be bothered by strange noises on that first sleep-over or out-of-town trip, etc. My mom used to run the vacuum cleaner, do dishes, watch TV, whatever. That auditory training allowed me to sleep thru EVERYTHING!!! Phones, pagers, noisy college roommates, street noise, you name it. Keeping the house ultra-quiet is a disservice to you child.

    My $0.02 only… worth just about that….

  • triplets of terror

    Nap time is indeed sacred…we have one year old triplets who are down to two naps a day. The middle trip doesn’t like to sleep in a bed (wants to be held the entire time) so a couple of months ago I took to driving them in the car for both naps. I don’t get much done in the house but I’m not trapped beneath a hot sweaty baby (who I love v. much) and I get a chance to see what’s new around town. I desperately love my babies but is it so wrong to be excited about them going to pre-school in 3 1/2 years?????

  • KristinFarns

    I am living this RIGHT NOW- That damn leprechaun is not only knocking over trash at our house but he moves and drops all my daughters toys and random change. WHY because for some reason he left notes and destroyed the 1st grade rooms last week.. EVIL teachers.

  • RandomAmy

    I was a preschool teacher. We had a lot of tricks. Mwuahahaha!