Fumbling dummies
Today Marlo turns eleven months old.
Remember when I used to write a monthly newsletter to Leta? Yeah, yeah. Good times. And when I was pregnant with Marlo I planned to continue those newsletters, except I'd be writing it to the both of them. No big deal. And then BOOM. Two kids. Like, a semi truck full of angry, bipolar chickens landed on the house, and we had to clean up the mess with our hands tied behind our backs. That.
I know that those of you who have more kids are just shaking your heads and thinking PATHETIC. And you're right! Pathetic we are! This kid is totally kicking our ass. She is unlike the kid that came before her. In that she moves.
Just this morning as she was finishing her first bottle and getting ready to fling it across our bed against the wall, Jon asked if I remembered those quite mornings we spent with Leta nestled between us, watching the news, dozing... WE'LL NEVER HAVE THAT AGAIN, HEATHER, he said. Through gritted teeth. A tear in his eye. As he grabbed Marlo's foot, her body dangling off the side of the bed.
Our child-proofing technique up until yesterday was to have someone watching her at all times, and that worked when she was immobile and interested in sitting on the floor with the remote in her mouth. But now that she can move — and we're talking FLYING through the room — this technique is proving totally idiotic. Or what's the word? Oh, right. Pathetic. We've had an eleven-month-old before, we should know what we're doing! But you have to understand! It's like this whole time we've been raising a turtle, and now suddenly we've been handed a jackal with a debilitating meth addiction. Make it work!
Why do we have ANYTHING at a height she can reach? Because she will reach it, oh yes. She will grab it, tear it apart, laugh maniacally, and then shove it into her mouth, daring us to stick our finger inside to protect her from choking. Because she bites.
OMG. I gave birth to Coco.
You must have a dooce® Community account to leave a comment.
If you've already registered, login.
If this is your first time posting here, snag a free account.




Brookelyn Bridge said:
I figure the second ones are here to even up for the first ones. Beautiful photo and I love the little dino shirt!
05.14.10 - 11:36 AM / 1Kasper said:
My mother in law had the same thing with her two boys. My husband would sit on the floor playing with the same blocks for hours. When my Brother in law was born all hell broke loose. He ate airplane glue one time.
Keep your chin up! Your girls are both beautiful! I really want to eat Marlo's cheeks with some BBQ sauce though. I think Mesquite is the best flavor for her.
~K
05.14.10 - 11:41 AM / 2Daddy Scratches said:
Count me among the ranks of Parents Who Can't Handle More Than Two Kids (and, coincidentally, also among the ranks of Bloggers Who Abandoned Any Thought of Keeping Up A Monthly Letter For Two Children.)
On a related note: Hey, Jon, aren't vasectomies, like, the best thing ever?
05.14.10 - 11:42 AM / 3CO said:
LOVE the fact that you are now blessed with children that seem to mirror the difference in temperment between your dogs! See, I know the second ones are always demons so I am sticking with just the one thank you! (and I have NO IDEA how people do it with even 2 kid so I say bravo to you, Bravo!!)
05.14.10 - 11:42 AM / 4yoheathero said:
Well, at least she is a cute little jackal.
05.14.10 - 11:43 AM / 5jon said:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
yes.
05.14.10 - 11:48 AM / 6sarahmichelef said:
If Marlo is Coco, does that mean Leta is Chuck? I suspect that she would object strongly, in the way that only kindergarten girls can (and by that I mean flinging herself bodily on the ground and howling about how she's having the WORST DAY EVER*), to that analogy.
*Oh wait. Is that just my kindergarten girl? Sorry... carry on.
05.14.10 - 11:50 AM / 7Shelly said:
Hey---you are not pathetic. While, we didn't have quiet first child necessarily, it was the SECOND one that kicked our ASSES. We took #1 everywere withus....just like he was a little mini-adult. Suddenly TWO was like NO WAY, and we became hermits. Unless we were both around and had planned and planned yet again for an outing with both.
Kid one was easy. Two....together......TERRORS!!
05.14.10 - 11:51 AM / 9kacyd said:
she does look a bit rotten in that picture.....adorable but rotten
05.14.10 - 11:51 AM / 10magwilky said:
Oh, but that face! Too precious. I had the exact same experience with my 2 girls. I thought we were such kick ass parents because our little girl was so well behaved and then the 'red headed devil' was born and I realized it had absolutely nothing to do with us. If it helps, she is 4 now and I still have no control over her. NONE.
05.14.10 - 11:54 AM / 11Dharma said:
I loved the sage wisdom that I thought I had before I gave birth to Satan (oops I meant my precious second son). I thought I was in for *twice* the work. I could laugh for a month on that one....
05.14.10 - 11:55 AM / 12smithie1996 said:
Oh. My. God. That is the cutest picture ever. Ever. Ever. Ever.
05.14.10 - 11:56 AM / 13jesuisalouette said:
You are hysterical. That's how I feel about my son. He was so cute! And little! And now I have a 25 pound nine month old who drags his high chair into the kitchen and slams it into my back to let me know he's hungry.
05.14.10 - 11:56 AM / 14meganithappen said:
Oh, hang in there! The thought of having one kid makes me break out in hives when I think about the work involved, so I admire you having TWO!
05.14.10 - 11:57 AM / 15midohiomama said:
When our first daughter was born, I did a scrapbook page every month for her. Her last page was done in March of last year. Her sister, who just turned 1, has no pages. I can completely agree with you. I'll catch up eventually.... maybe.
05.14.10 - 12:04 PM / 16kristanhoffman said:
Oh geez, I hope I don't give birth to my dog. Then I'd have a kid who barks at strangers, hides from storms, and eats used tissues (and other bad things from the trash). o_O
05.14.10 - 12:11 PM / 17manda82panda said:
I only have one but he is like that. I vacuum often, we keep stuff away from edges but he just keeps getting bigger and bigger and a farther reach. He can climb. And he still finds the smallest most most hard to see stuff on the floor and puts it in his mouth. And oh yes he bites. This is our first one. If my first one was like Leta I would probably want another one but as it is atm I'm content with just the one. I'm starting to realize he is just full of exploding energy and will never slow down.
05.14.10 - 12:23 PM / 18Sonika said:
As a nanny, I've seen this time and time again. It's called the second child. Not only is 2 kids at least five times the work of one kid, but the second is *always* more adventurous than the first - more curious. The second seems to develop gross motor skills faster and use them for evil more often than good.
I don't know what evolutionary purpose this serves, but it seems pretty universal. The second child will prove that nothing can EVER be "childproofed."
05.14.10 - 12:23 PM / 19kbdyar said:
Ahhh we are so living this right now. Our first, mobile somewhat by 9 - 10 months, was the rule follower. We said no, and she listened. Still does, as much as a nearly 3 year old can. Barely baby proofed.
The new 9 month old, the baby sister - a rule breaker since her first week - ohmygosh. And so mobile and into everything from ripping the carbon dioxide sensor out of the wallplug to trying to go to stairs and after anything her sister touches... she's a fast little sucker.
We feel your pain. :) Life is not 2x as hard its 100x.
05.14.10 - 12:30 PM / 20corty13 said:
Oh boy.....but look at that DIMPLE! That is what will keep her alive. Just had #2 but #1 is 11 years older...(CrAzY....I know)...so it's not as much having two kids that is hectic but doing it all over again. Not sure which is worse...(on a side note, too funny that my captcha is gassiest....that would be the #2 angel.)
05.14.10 - 12:41 PM / 21HeatherTOO said:
We should get our 11 month olds together. Mine has a lovely bruise on his head because he tried to "walk" down the two little steps on the gross motor climber at daycare, even though he knows to go down steps backward on his belly, because he thinks he's a big boy. He also likes to dive face first into the bath tub, and lean over the edge of the changing pad on his dresser backward so he can laugh at himself in the mirror. NO FEAR of anything. Including large animals and strangers. I can't even contemplate how a second could be be more active/trouble. The little stinker annihilates everything in his path.
05.14.10 - 12:43 PM / 22simpliSAHM said:
I get this...as a mom of two boys, with a near 14 year age gap, not only had I forgotten how to deal with a new little one, I was so not prepared for the second one's personality to be so much harder to deal with than the first's. And it is always frustrating to me to look at others with boatloads of kids who think there is no reason for me to be complaining about my "just two". Of course then I look at those folks and think; "Well, at least I'm not insane."
05.14.10 - 12:47 PM / 23Heather Alexander said:
Wow. The image of a semi truck full of angry, bipolar chickens landing on a house is terrifying. And then following that up with the imagery of giving birth to a dog. Best. Post. Ever.
05.14.10 - 12:48 PM / 24bethiecow said:
Excuse me, I'm sorry, what did you just say? I couldn't actually read the rest of your blog post, as I was temporarily blinded by your daughter's electric blue eyes.
05.14.10 - 12:49 PM / 25girlplease said:
wow. almost 1. congrats on having two wonderful children and enjoying the moment
05.14.10 - 12:52 PM / 26anya said:
I have a sweet little 20 months old boy. And I'm so ready to start trying for a second child (if somebody is there, listening, I'd like to have a girl next, please. K, thanks!).
This post is confirming my fears - no matter how *easy* the first one is, two are oh so much harder! Why do we do it?...
they are cute though.
And then they hit puberty...
And then they leave....
And then they put you in a nursing home......
05.14.10 - 01:01 PM / 27slappyintheface said:
Just wait until you have to hand that little jackal the keys to your car and watch her drive off in a cloud of smoke, laughing her best mad scientist laugh muahahahahaha. We are wondering now why we ever taught ours how to talk.
05.14.10 - 01:06 PM / 28Mrs. Q. said:
Yeeeaaah. That second child sure is sobering. My first child is a mellow little guy, who sits and plays with toys. The gal that sprang forth two years later thinks toys are for sissies and would rather launch her body off the couch, try to remove the plug covers and put anything and everything into any body opening, hers or anyone else's.
I used to tell my husband that I felt like a zookeeper in charge of drunk monkeys. Still do; but the monkeys are just stronger and faster now... and doing shots of tequila.
05.14.10 - 01:11 PM / 29HeatherY said:
You MUST get this:
http://littleplayzone.com/
I can't remember where, but we searched the net until we found one for around $69.00 instead of $99.00. GET TWO COMPLETE SETS - it is cheaper and bigger than the expansion sets. This will allow you enough to make it the size you want (just take some panels out for a smaller area). This has SAVED OUR SANITY because we can leave the immediate room for a moment and our son is STILL ALIVE when we return!
Quick mod tip: Long Zip Ties (you can get them at hardware stores) looped around the bottoms keep the pieces together when she stands and starts to pull them apart (which she will).
Since my son was mobile, this has been our great room centerpiece (shhhhh, don't tell HGTV!). He will be two on the 27th and he still doesn't mind going in when there's only one of us home and we have to run to the basement or garage. He is a couch climber - but hasn't yet climbed out of it - or his crib... yet.
We even saved money on a stair gate by zip tying one of the gates to the bottom of our stairs leading to the 2nd floor (the top landing has a proper gate).
Oh, yeah - ours is covered in crayon because before he was old enough to sit at his little table, we would have him color in there to prevent colored walls.
05.14.10 - 01:12 PM / 30Grey.and.Vis.Mom said:
i know how you feel, i've been graced with a jackal as well... i hope this new baby leans more towards the turtle species.
05.14.10 - 01:17 PM / 31