• crivens

    Also, remember, it’s winter. It may not currently be snowing, but it’s still damn depressing. Keep your lightbox on while you work through this ickiness. Best of luck to you and your family.

  • melanie

    really, truly hate to hear this. much love to you all. you have so many people out there rooting for the very best for you, whatever that may be.

  • hudsongrafix

    Thank you for sharing your pain. We certainly don’t need to know any details about your marital problems, but I’m glad you didn’t gloss over it by saying “We are working together to keep the children’s lives normal..La La La. Helps us to remember you are a real person.

  • Kelly_09

    Wow. As a child of divorce, I want to offer this advice regarding the girls:when it comes time to tell Leta what is really going on(that time WILL come eventually), be prepared for some really intense moments. I’d also have a child therapist’s number on hand in case the anger manifests itself in a really bad way(my sister wound up in therapy after my parents split last year).

    It gets better. Sending hugs your way. Just remember that when you decide to surface, there will a ton of people here to stand behind you and help dry you off with the softest towels in the world

  • mybottlesup

    sending love, healing, and peace to you and your family.

  • sleighly

    Sending all my good thoughts your way. Truly.

  • Fridaymom

    Heather, I’ve been reading your blog faithfully for about six or seven years now (wow!) and I’ve never before commented, but I was so, so sorry to hear the news in your post today I felt compelled to write. I feel like you are a close friend! (s orry of that sounds a bit creepy!)

    My husband and I have been through similiar in the past few years and I recognize how hard and how lonely and overwhelming it can be. And more than that, I can’t imagine how you were able to share it will all your readers given that it is something so devastating and so personal . . I couldn’t have begin to tell anyone at work what was going on at home in my marriage, as I could barely process it myself. So I commend you enormously for having the courage to share it here, as you haveteh courage to share so many things.

    I worry about you and your tendancy toward depresion in this situation — I have had similiar depressive episodes my whole life, and I had that same, wierd feeling of feeling stable during our seperation but just so, so, so sad — my arms, my heart literally ached all the time. For once it wasn’t the nameless thing making me sad, it was a real something. But little comfort that was.

    I can’t say my own marriage story has a happy ending, because we are not at the end . . but we are working on it and the good news is things have improved more than I ever could have imagined two years ago.

    You are such a wonderful, hard-working, inspiring person with two absolutely marvellous girls who need you more than anything. And as other posters have said, don’t assume that a divorce — if it comes to that, which it may well not — would be have the same affect on them as it did on you. I think that generally the skills of you and Jon (and of our generation generally) are much stronger than those of our parents at handling relationships in these situations.

    Sending you the best possible vibes for strength and happiness from far away. You are cared for by so many, including the Internets: )

  • afrazier

    Peace, Heather. You are loved by so many, and we’re here for you during this difficult time. You brought so many of us through our own difficult times because of your words and stories (and pictures of Chuck), and I hope that our words, at least in part, will do the same for you. You are a beautiful, strong woman and mother, and I have faith in you. My love goes out to you, Jon, Leta, and Marlo. Again, peace, Heather.

  • duranb14

    I read this post and then frantically searched the last month of posts and pictures for any mention of a separation, problems, moving out, etc. I was sure I had missed something! I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. Be strong Heather. No more dog leash moments. Please. Make sure you’re getting help. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • carrieb

    Heather, have you read this letter that Stephen Fry wrote to a girl who was suffering from depression? He suffers from bipolar disorder. I find his words very true and very comforting:


    Best to you!

  • j-momma

    I am so sorry to hear about this. You both seem strong and committed, you work this out in the best way possible for all of you. Sadly, I know all too well about how it feels. Best of luck to you all as you work your way through.

  • Palesa

    Oh, how very sad. I am so sorry :(

    My thoughts are with you all. I think it is wonderful that you are taking so much care to make this easier on the girls. But as other commenters have said, don’t forget to prioritise yourself. Be kind to yourself, and let others be kind to you and do things for you while things are hard like this. Sending you love and big hugs over the Internet, and I hope you find a path through this in the days and weeks that come. You take care, Heather, you are in our thoughts, take the space and the pause that you need to heal yourself


  • annabanana

    I don’t pray, but I will be hoping that you work this out and that no one loses his-or herself along the way.

  • Victoria_Girl


  • laura.elaine


    i’ve not been gifted with eloquent speech, but please know my heart is with each of you today. i’m so sorry. i hope you feel the warmth of all of us. thank you for letting us into your heart, and for accepting the love and support of so many “strangers”.

    you are beautiful, lovable, and deserving. you are a role model for me and others, i’m sure. your transparency and honesty is refreshing. sending you and all involved an abundance of love and light. (“oodles of love and light” is what I wanted to write — so that too.)

    laura in texas

  • Pismo

    I’ve always admired how much you & Jon put into your marriage. It takes a lot of work on both sides. I really wish you the best.

    I know every situation is different, but I just wanted to second what I’ve seen a couple people mention here… working together and being together all the time really is hard on a marriage. My husband and I worked together when we first got married and it was really rough on us. We ultimately decided that it was to our benefit to have completely different work lives. Instead of carpooling, each lunch together, and working together, we didn’t see each other all day and I can’t tell you how much better our relationship has improved because of it. We actually have time to miss each other now. We have things to share at the end of the day. The mystery that was non-existent returned and our marriage has been made stronger because of it.

  • jennytalia

    Wow, I’ve got nothing…except f*** that sucks.
    One day, your girls will thank you for how you guys are choosing to handle this. Good for you for putting them first. x

  • bugsydav

    So, so sorry to read this today! Sending lots of love to you all!

  • Janet Payton

    I knew when I read the Air Supply lyrics in your title that we were in for a heart breaker. Wishing you and your family peace and healing as the sadness moves through you.

  • Lizzy

    I’m so sorry, Heather.
    Be strong. Be brave.
    Bash on.

  • Celeste24

    Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Divorce doesn’t solve anything it just give you a new set of problems to deal with.
    I am so sorry to hear you and the kids are going through this. Stay strong.

  • annebrev

    I am so very sorry. I was just….. stunned to read this. You, Jon, and your beautiful girls will be in my prayers. I am just so sorry.

  • lucidlotus

    I’m so sorry.

  • suzified

    Much love to you and your family. As the lovely Stevie Nicks once said, “Devastation leads to writing good things.” While its a small consolation, the silver lining I see is that this piece of writing moved me more than anything I’ve read in a long time. Thank you for sharing your life with us and helping so many of us know we are not alone.

  • calvy78

    You’ll get through this. Keep writing. Thanks for sharing your life with us. No one expects it to be perfect. Hugs.

  • Mugswife

    OK. I have wanted to comment so many times but forgot my name and password and couldn’t or wouldn’t take the time to figure it out. But I had to today. Not that my comment will make a difference.

    I was so sad for you to read this entry. Not just for everything that is going on. But how to present it. It is so hard to write about difficult things, and even more so while you are in the midst of them. And then the question of how it affects you, your kids, your husband, your business.

    You have always been so strong, and so open, and have helped so many – validate their feelings. Thank you for sharing. Take Care of yourself and your family.

  • TheMeg

    I’m so glad you didn’t hurt yourself. Gosh, reading that really scared me.

  • 2bdboys

    im glad you walked away. my dad didnt a month before i turned 5. i’ve dealt with all of his pain for the last 32 years of my life…im not over it. i don’t think i ever will be. im glad you walked away, you have such sweet girls, don’t change who they are.

  • Regency Romantic

    Oh, darlin’, I am so sorry. Your brave, honest writing has helped me shoulder so much; I wish I could help you shoulder some of this somehow. All my best thoughts for healing and peace for y’all. Take care of yourself. Be well.

  • bee

    Lots of love to you, the girls, the dogs, and Jon. Be gentle with yourselves and avoid the garage. Things will hopefully work out well – whatever it looks like.

  • i.delia

    My parents have been married since 1968, except for that one year that they separated. My parents did not involve me in the reasons (infidelity?)other than to say it was what was for the best. I didn’t agree of course, but what say does a child have?

    A year or so transpired, they never spoke a disparaging word about each other and still spent quality time with me. I was hollow inside, but what child isn’t when they don’t have two happy parents?

    When they eventually got back together I harbored no resentment because they never burdened me with things a child shouldn’t worry about. that was business between two adults, but not their only child.

    The thing I remember most about that time is the inordinate amount of mac and cheese my mother & I had to eat because my parents were paying for my dad’s apartment and money was very tight.

    I hope the same can happen for you guys.

  • Riverdruid

    I was overwhelmed with sadness after reading your post. I am so sorry Heather. I wish you all the best.

  • MaLo

    Hugs to you. I’m honored that you’ve shared this with us.

    Mirror to what I’m feeling right now. Unsure of the future. Still caring deeply. Wanting to do what’s best for all.

    Hang in there. You have a world supporting you right now.

  • lisabella

    I’m so sorry. I’m thinking of y’all and hoping for the best.

  • mightymarce

    My heart breaks for you while reading this. It feels odd to say this to someone I don’t even know but lots of love to you both (to ALL of you) and best of luck in navigating this difficult time.

  • Jeca51601

    I am … I don’t know. I want to say “sorry”, but it seems such an inadequate word, doesn’t it? Is there a stronger, better word? One that would hug you, and your kids (who are just like mine) and Jon and say “everything will be – it has to be – alright”…?

    Stay with us, Heather B. Armstrong.
    Your kids need you, your family needs you.
    We cherish you, for you give the voice to our hopes, and sorrows, and fears, and laughter.
    So, please, stay with us.
    All my love.

  • kartasi

    It’s hard to believe I can feel so sad for a stranger, but I do, so know that there’s a stranger in DC sending you and your girls good thoughts, positivity, and hope. I’ve been reading long enough to know that you are an impossibly strong woman and you will make it through this.

  • Vicki in NC

    So much sad :(

  • evergrey

    Thinking of you and your family and wishing for good to come from this. Hugs and much love.

  • srising

    I’m so sorry. Praying for you all.

  • petit hiboux

    Heather, I am so sorry to hear this – it’s absolutely true how one commenter put it, which is that we feel as though we’ve been guests in your home for these past ten years, and as such we’ve become so close to your family and invested in your happiness. For as much as the web can seem like an echo chamber, it is also this very intimate place, and we have been lucky to be along for the ride with you and your family.

    So I wish for you that whatever path your marriage takes, it brings you both peace and resolution, and I am sure you two will take it with the same grace and strength, determination and humor that you have both exhibited to us, your online community and virtual friends and family.

  • InnerPeace

    In response to “The still aching ten-year-old Heather is screaming at me, angry and raw and hurt that this is happening. This isn’t fair.”

    No matter what you tell yourself, you ARE deserving of the love that you receive from your friends, family, children and Jon. You are special, talented, funny, beautiful, loving, compassionate, inspiring, generous, and much more.

    To the “ten-year-old-little girl” inside of Heather, I am sorry that you are going through this. This is not your fault. It is not anyone’s fault. Your parent’s issues had nothing to do with you even though you saw it first hand. You were just a little girl who took it all in and tried to process it. You were too young to know how to handle adult problems. Please try and let go of what happened to your parents, little by little, because now “Big Heather” needs for you to take care of her. She needs your comfort and reassurance that everything is going to be okay. Please take care of her.

    To both the “little girl” and the loving adult Heather,
    This is a temporary (but heavy) moment in life, a type of experience that we go through which through the process makes us stronger, more clear in our minds, and open in our hearts. Be honest in your emotions but don’t try to analyze them. Just let them be what they are meant to be – emotions that remind us that we are human.

  • Ralemap

    Sweet Heather, I am thinking of you, Jon, and your girls. You are an amazing woman. Add me to the list of people who are rooting for you.

  • kisaacson

    I’m a long time reader but never comment – but I had to, now, because it’s like I’m reading about myself. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Know you aren’t alone. Thinking about you.

  • malisams

    Dammit all. I’m so sorry. Rousting every bit of good karma I may have accrued and sending it all your family’s way.

  • LittleWeeOne

    I am saddened that this has happened. I have enjoyed your blog for many years.

    Best wishes for you and your family.

  • wordsbecomeone

    I am so shocked, and so sorry, and so honored that you would be so honest. You hate to hear this, but Jesus loves you and is there if you need Him.

  • gcjen

    Hi Heather,
    I am a longtime reader but an infrequent commentator. I was sorry to read your post yesterday.

    I have watched my parents go through a separation and then a trial kind of reunification in the last two years. I’m still not sure exactly where their marriage is headed, and I don’t think that they are either. One thing I’ve learned through all the ups and downs is that no matter what it looks like, I feel best about the situation when I know that both of my parents are working toward happiness. I’ve also thought that everyone may have been saved a lot of heartache had they made drastic changes when I was a kid. I have a feeling that you and Jon will always work together to help Leta and Marlo understand that the state of things between the two of you is not their responsibility, no matter what changes end up taking place. I wish you and Jon the best as your family navigates this process.

  • christinenicole1

    Oh wow. I knew something was up. First…be safe and well, YOU come first. Second, the web will wait. We all love you and support you. Third, and final, remember you are amazing and you love those girls with every little piece of your being, and that alone is ENOUGH. IT. IS. ENOUGH. everything else can wait right now. Trust yourself.

    love to you and your family.

    **As an aside…i made the decision after at least 5 years of thinking, wondering, second guessing and feeling guilty to divorce. i have a 13 year old stepson (whom i have had in my life 50% of the time since he was born and consider my SON) and a beautiful, precious, breathtaking six year old girl. it was the HARDEST decision of my life. Six months after i can say i still have those moments of ‘wtf, was it really that bad, am i permanently damaging my kids, couldn’t i suck it up ten more years?’…but those moments are now, after six months, far and few between…almost fully masked by the feeling of wonder and awe at the strength and beauty which is ME. and i’m a better mother for it. period.

  • ihearttheastros

    My heart goes out to you. Thank you for continuing to let us in on your life, both the ups and downs.