• MaryNewman

    So sorry to hear all this and I am hoping you folks can turn this around for the sake of your family. Your in my thoughts, I can not believe some one put this on the air, rude. Have fun this weekend. Mary

  • slappyintheface

    If I were anywhere near you … I would so bring you a box of wine. Take a deep breath … and then take another one …

  • napagirl

    More hands to hold from Northern California.
    These posts are a drop in the bucket for how many people are pulling for you & Jon.
    Stay in the light Heather and know that every one of your posts, as difficult as they are to write, help so many people.

  • superkittn

    Hands? You are going to have to pry my flabby, white, virtual arms from around your boney body.

    I am so sad about you and Jon, but you’ll work through it however you guys need to.

    As most people on your blog, I feel like I know you and that you ARE my friend, and I’m so very fond of you and your brood. Your writing is spectacular, and I’m disappointed when you don’t have a chance to write. Keep using it as an outlet… it helps us all.

    And know that we’re all there with you in spirit. We’re rooting for you. Stay in the light.

    Sending all good energy to you from Los Angeles. xoxo

  • naysway

    You don’t know me, but you helped me start blogging. The idea of someone being so brave in sharing “those dark places” showed me there was somewhere I could go when I was in my own dark place. When I was depressed. When I was suicidal. When I couldn’t afford therapy. When coping didn’t seem like an option.

    You don’t know me, but you, Jon, Leta, Marlo, Chuck, and Coco feel like family. And I’ll tell you what I would tell my family if they were going through this: It will get better. And days/weeks/however long later, when it doesn’t feel like it, we’ll be here.

  • MissTruvy

    So many hands to hold. We aren’t strangers, you know, if we are all holding hands together. Which seems to be what is going on here.

    I kinda like it.

    You are my hero for sharing. Keep going, one day at a time, and you will get through this.

    Lots of love from Virginia.

  • mybottlesup

    Sending you scones and french press.

  • annamarie

    love to you and your dear sweet things. (I’m not talking about your boobs.)

  • Jeanne1

    Just sending you lots of good thoughts — there will be a light at the end of the tunnel and whatever you decide you need to do for you will be good.

  • grammargeek

    I haven’t commented because everything seems so trite. Still does. So here’s another simple thank you for all you do, and the hope that every day is better than the one before.

  • hereslucy

    Always. Just hope it’s enough.

  • firefly1818

    dude, not knowing this, you helped me so much through MY rough times, so the least I can do is to keep you and yours in my thoughts and – sorry – prayers.
    And suiside is not an option. Too bad that we both have close relationships with these thoughts. But then again, being able to beat these ugly thoughts to THEIR death, is all that matters.

    Until better times.

  • katinahat

    signed up just for this…

    Someone said basically that for every gossip and meanie out there talking about you, there’s 5 members of the community rooting for you. Well multiply that by another…10?…because there are many of us that never signed up but still wish you well and hope for the best for you all.

  • abbiejoy

    Wishing the best for you and your family, whatever that looks like. Thanks for sharing your journey.

  • cmckinnon1

    I agree with the thank you for sharing sentiment. I have been reading you for six years and felt just sick about this and also kind of felt myself going through a grief process as well as dealing with my own issues shaken up like dust newly disturbed. My kids are the same age as marlow and I was Leta’s age when my parents divorced. SO…

    In my pocessing of this I passed through initial disbelief and denial then desperation for it to “just work out” between ya’ll and then today I landed on anger. Anger at having the news and not knowing why.

    Tonight that anger is gone, I am on to a much more accepting phase of digesting this. My point in talking about how I AM processing YOUR separation is just to say that you are an amazing writer, mother and I am sure wife as well. I really appreciate you sharing anything at all with us because yeah, you so didn’t have to and life is crazy like this so it makes you really honest to share this with the world.

    Lastly, you are powerful. Your writing is powerful. I am logging on from Africa, after a very long week’s work, when I have precious me time to see if there is an update from you and I found this.

    Thank you for sharing. Much love from Morocco.

  • smodan

    I and mine, sending you and yours, love, love and light.

  • kmpinkel

    You can hold on to my hand until you get completely disgusted by how sweaty it is. Then you can grab on to the other one.

  • Kelly0doe

    I’m glad you’re in the light again.


    one of the hands

  • HeySweetie

    Wow. I am sorry people say hurtful things. I am a long time reader, and more of a lurker than anything in the Dooce Community, but I do get the sense that the majority of your readers very fully realize you are sharing BITS of your personal life, and we do not know you personally. Hell – even if you do know someone in real life, you only know that they share with you, anyway. Best wishes again.

  • linz_g

    I cried when I read your blog about the separation. I’ve been reading your blog for years now, and my heart goes out to you. Haters gotta hate, and how sad are their lives if they have nothing better to do than berate someone who is going through such a time in their life?

    This is just another season for you. It sounds like you guys are handling it perfectly for your family, and that is all you can do. My prayers are with you!

  • zziggysgal

    Love you so much, dooce! Thanks for being you :D

  • rrouse

    While I’ve read you for years, I don’t really “know” you but I adore you and your writing. I wish you and your family the very best.

  • Tracye

    Sorry to hear this. You will get through this day by day. Just take it slow and remember to breathe. This will make you stronger, both of you stronger. I hope you guys find your way back to each other.

    Remember what brought you together.

    Remember the love.

    It’ll be alright you know…

  • jessicapea

    Hugs to you and your family – I can’t even imagine how hard this must be. But you sound like you are handling it in the most amazing way, your girls are so so lucky for that.

    Arohanui (much love) to you all

  • Buddahkat

    I am glad I missed the local news about it. That is just weird. But then again, many people know you and you don’t know them. I feel like you are my friend in a kinda “I’ve read her blog for years” sorta way. I have been through what you are going through about 15 years ago. Before medications. Not that they didn’t have them, but before I was medicated. Thank god I had a doctor (in utah county no less) that recognized anxiety and drugged me up toot sweet. It’s all better now and my 2,4,6 and 8 year olds are all 15 years older! We made it and I know you will too. I’m just sad for you because I hated it. So in your honor I’m going to take a long hot bath in a tub in Napa Valley (Sacrifices!) and send the relaxation vibes your way as I try to piece together my own shit. Because whether you are in or out of a relationship there are times that suck! ass. Or what my sister use to tell me. Being a relationship is like being a dog in a cage. The dog wants out and all the dogs out of the cage want in. Maybe we should buy some cats.

  • mlutz990

    Dearest Heather,
    When I read some of Jon’s recent posts and you spending NYE in SF, I was SO hoping this isn’t where you were or were heading. You are right we are all part of this community. Katie put it best when writing about the Bielanko family house fire (http://mamapundit.com/bielankofirefundraiser/)she said,”And we ARE a community, whether you’re a blogger yourself or a reader.”

    Over the years of reading, I’ve come to think of you both as friends across the miles and I automatically associate SLC with you & your family. I do hope that you & Jon are able to find the peace & happiness that ya’ll deserve.

    I probably speak for many of us when I say that it never once occurred to me that there were salacious details, you both have always publicly exhibited far more respect for one another than that. Continue on and we’ll be here to hold your hand.

    HUGS & love to you all.

  • JessicaM


    Thanks for letting us know that you’re doing better. I was worried about you when I read your post. It must be scary to be in such a dark place.

    I already knew that you and Jon would do your best to work through this, so I am just going to say – I’m pulling for you both. I hope that the fact that you can be friends and co-parents means that you can, through all of the tears, find your way back to happy together. If not, then I hope you can continue to find ways to grow and be happy apart.

    I’ve never been married so I have no first-hand knowledge of what it’s like to be married, and the ups and downs you have to ride. What I can say is that my parents, who were together for 39 years (married 36) before my dad passed away last summer, always told me that you have to find a way to make the relationship bigger than the problems you have. Last year, on my parent’s anniversary, they said that they had 33 wonderful years – but off and on, there were some rough patches.

    Here’s to finding a way to make the relationship bigger than your problems, and to getting through rough patches.

  • Tanis

    Normal life, it is what you make it out to be.
    You know this more than anyone, you have shared your life for 11 years and are brutally honest about it.
    Thanks again for sharing and all the strength to you, to enable you to get though this and find what normal works for you. Your readers are behind you and appreciate that you keep sharing.

  • Dita

    If you met me, you’d never think it, but you have surely touched my life. Remarkable, amazing you. A minute at a time, we can get through anything, even a marathon.

  • femmeknitzi

    My empathy is on level 10 for you and your family right now. I suppose I feel like a super-stranger because I haven’t even been a member of this community for very long and I only started reading your blog a year ago or so. But your beautifully written words evoke such a strong connection, even in the void.

    Your story, the pain you’re dealing with, it all feels so damn familiar to me. I lived it as a child (and I’m fine, so Leta and Marlo will be too) and I feel like I’m on a precipice in my marriage, too.

    Right now I’m hyper aware of how sure we can be of who we are and what we want. It’s not a lie, it’s just the view we have at that particular moment. And then a few things change and it’s like we’re looking out the same window and seeing something completely different.

    The only constant we have is the hope of renewal and the chance for forgiveness. We should seek and embrace them both and otherwise all we can do is keep going based on what we know right now, today.

    Thank you for reaching out into the void. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and hoping that you find peace and renewal in all the ways you need them most.

  • JennMdx

    It’s really not up to anyone else to judge or comment on your decisions. Anyone who has read your writings for years knows how hard this has to be on all of you.

    I just wish the best for you, for him and for the kids.

  • Rev Dr Mom

    Heather, I’ve been reading your blog since Leta was a baby, but I rarely comment because you get SO MANY comments, mine just don’t seem that important. But I want you to know that I think you are an amazing strong woman, and I hope that you get through this rough patch and come out in a place where you will find happiness and peace, however things work out.

  • ChrisMoose

    The hand is here for as long as you want to hang on…

  • charrisv83

    I’ll hold your hand, and you may not know this, but you’re holding mine too. It takes incredible courage to do what you’re doing. I hope to find mine someday.

  • Caffeinerd

    Wishing you all the best. Like many of us, I’m sure, having read your blog/book for many years I feel some sense of knowing you and am sending virtual hugs your way.

    I realize it’s not nearly as complicated, but my fiance’ and I broke up a month before our wedding recently (he called it off), and I’ve been amazed at how many opinions strangers and acquaintances wish to share while I’m at work, just trying to open a new bank account, etc. Even as a blogger, I consider myself to be a private person in some ways, and it has been very challenging to have everyone feel free to give their input. Relationships are complicated. Unless you’re one of the people in it, you really don’t need to give your two cents unless they’re requested.

    Blabbering complete. So awesome your girls get to see you both daily. :) Hang in there, lady.

  • UnReel

    Ignore everything and anything that doesn’t reassure, heal, comfort or protect you. If anything, know that the good words and prayers from the people in this community represent only a portion of those who wish you well. Stay in the light, we will stay here with you.

  • pyjamasandtea

    Yeah… you made it into my local paper today, and I’m way up in Canada! It IS weird. But equally weird? Yep, willing to hold your hand and see you and Jon through however it ends up. Of course we don’t know each other, but still… I wish the best for you and yours and I’m grateful you are still writing and sharing. So thank you.

  • lunacydress

    Nothing but love for you, Heather. And Jon. And the kids and the dogs. Whatever ends up happening, your strength is undeniable and your candidness about whatever you’re going through is admirable. <3

  • gillianjames

    I’m reaching out too. From Australia. From the future. I have been where you are and it sucks arse. But you can get though. You are a motherfucking superstar. x x

  • guanny

    hey heather, it’s my first time commenting here. just wanna say that your blog entries have made me laugh and inspired me many many times! thank you for that! so now it’s time for me to reciprocate! even though i’m at the other end of the globe, like the others, my thoughts are with you and we’re an email away! *HUGS*

  • Beverly0903

    Our hands will always be there for you. I was a divorced mom of two boys and would love to tell you about my thoughts….but, they are my thoughts and you have to find your own outcome. It is not easy…..take it slow….you will know what to do…

  • Lizzy

    It’s a known fact that I have freakishly long arms. In fact, I’m positively a knuckle-dragger. All the better to hold your hand from Indiana.
    Be well.

  • Libra

    So many hugs to you and your family. I’m sorry life is a big poop right now. It WILL get better and we’ll be here.

  • SaraB

    Holy shit dude. I never comment…I had to go look up my friggin login and change my password and everything. But I read this and and I cried (I haven’t visited in a couple of days.) I don’t know what to say, “I’m sorry” feels inadequate and “I’m there for you” is weird because we’re strangers. But You’ve always said a lot of things that really resonated with me, and I feel so sad for you right now. I guess just know that I’m one of the multitude who’s offering you moral support, if nothing else… good thoughts your way, be well.

  • dissipate

    Long time lurker, first time poster.

    We’ll hold your hand as long as you need, and after, we’ll still be there if you ever need our hand again.

    Many hugs Heather.

  • TheKitten

    I’m real sorry about your separation and possible impending divorce. I’m thinking of you.

  • mrs_k

    You have more hands than haters. The latter are just obnoxiously attention seeking. Love and light to you every day!

  • MaryLou

    I’m not sure you can begin to imagine how much complete strangers, like me, love you and your family. I wept when I read your post about the separation, said to myself, “WTF, I don’t even know these people!”, then wept some more. Because I do think I know you. Your generosity in sharing your stories, and your humor, mean more than you know when I get home from a long day at work. I’ve been there, and it brought back a lot of memories to read your words. Hold your hand? Hell yes, anytime, anywhere. Just whistle.

  • debramac

    I guess that it is a true commentary about this unique world that we are living in….when I read your initial post I was just sick for 24 hours and could hardly deal with it. I took it harder than my own parents divorce (but then, they really needed to get divorced).

    I’m somewhat empathic and could not figure out why your running, and all that it implied, was freaking me out. It’s still not clear, but more clear.

    Midst the heartache for you and your family, it’s nice that you have the feelings you do about this community and that you can find some comfort here. You really do bring out the best in people; how do you do that when you are at your lowest points I do not quite understand? Wow.

    My very best to you, Jon and the girls. I really hope mommy and daddy get back together. Do you ever have the feeling that all the things in your life happened to help you know how to get through this exact moment? The older I get, the more it happens to me, and I think I can reflect on your posts of the last half a year or so and wonder if that is happening to you.

    I have the feeling that you will be the valedictorian of creating a new kind life for you and your family. And it seems like you and Jon are doing it in the classiest way possible. Probably doesn’t seem that way for you, but if you succeed at remaining in that place, you might be this new kind of example for reinventing family and what it is to be responsible to your children, regardless of the outcome.

    No matter what, Heather, you rock. Seriously.

    Jon, you rock. Leta, you rock. Marlo: u funneeeee.

    Much love and appreciation.

  • Ezza

    My heart is a little broken having read your last two posts. I have a hug for you that comes half way round the world.

    There is nothing more complicated than two fully realised human beings trying to blend their lives together. It’s not anybody’s fault. Love is a journey, not a destination. Listen to your heart and try to learn something. Take your time.

    I sincerely hope the two of you work things out and that it makes you stronger. However, if things don’t work out, the rest of your life is still waiting for you on the other side of the storm.

    Mine was. xx