• gcostaki

    I haven’t read your blog in years but now I am again because all the drama is so exciting!! love it.

    I don’t know any of the details about your situation but I have tons of broad inaccurate, unsolicited advice.

    Maybe Jon is gay or a lesbian? Not a regular lesbian but a lipstick lesbian?

    -animal

    http://www.AnUrbanStory.com

  • megrit411

    Get through each day. You can survive a day. And once you make it through that day you can get up and make it through the next one.
    It sucks that you’re going through this. I’d kick a stranger in the balls for ya if it helped brighten things up. Just say the word.
    You will survive. Because, like Destiny’s Child and the guys who sing “Eye of the Tiger”, you are a survivor!

  • AndreaZehnder

    Heather,

    I hope you read this comment with sincere interest. I really mean that.

    I have so much I want to share with you about what you are going thru that I barely can contain myself.

    I have gone thru it.

    I blogged the entire experience.

    I want to share that with you.

    And I want to be incredibly honest and forthright. I used to read you, and often. After a while I stopped. I think it was because you sort of fell off my pedestal. I check in every now and then, but not often. I read the “fake it” post. These words made me realize something had happened to you:

    I’m feeling music more deeply than I ever have. A lyric can send me soaring for hours or throw me against a wall. The notes crawl inside my body and I can feel them humming and expanding inside my lungs.

    Then I skimmed (read: skipped) thru Floundering and read this:

    This week has been better. I’m holding on to that.

    And then, I’m not sure what post, but there was one where you said, “Thanks for all the comments and emails. I read them all.” …something like that.

    And then I knew. I just knew. I knew what happened to you.

    I frantically went back thru your posts quickly as I could and landing upon the spot where you tell Leta that you and Daddy are taking a break.

    It confirmed what I already knew.

    You can’t bullshit a bullshitter. But you’re not bullshitting. And I knew it.

    Just know, you’re not alone. It sucks. It will continue to suck for a long long time. It’s hard.

    Then one day, just like that, you are better. You wake up and it’s just better. You’re not sure what you did, how you did it, when you did it. But you’ve changed. And it doesn’t hurt. And it doesn’t suck. And on that day, your future looks bright again.

    Hug to you girl…

    Thanks for sharing.

  • medwards

    Heather,

    I’ve been thinking about this since I read it yesterday. I acutally work up at 3:00 this morning thinking about it, how crazy is that!

    So…here’s some more unsolicited advice from a total stranger who’s lived through this already and come out the other side. I can’t tell from your postings if your life change is permanenet or not, I don’t think you even know yet and that’s okay.

    Here’s the BUT! You have to start acting like it may be. You have to start making changes in your life that may or may not need to be negotiated should things resolve themselves and you reconcile. Floundering and waiting for something to happen just keeps everyone’s life in limbo and thats the worst thing possible for you AND your kids.

    Take a step and make some permanent changes in routine and schedules to accommodate your new life. You WILL feel better for them. You’ll feel like your taking control even if it’s the smallest steps.

    If things resolve themselves with Jon then part of that reconcilation is to work on how to work back into a life that will have changed, usually for the better but for sure forever. If they don’t then you’ll have taken the first steps in figuring out your new life and what that means for you and your girls.

    Sorry for the rambling…I’m sending you lots of love….

  • Verity W

    I don’t weigh in very often, mostly because there are so many people here who can say things so much more eloquently than I can. But for once, I thought I had something to add.

    This is the advice my mum was given when she was caring for my grandad – admittedly a sick elderly relative is not the same as children, but hey, I offer it any way:

    “All you can do is your best. Sometimes it will feel like you’re doing everything wrong. And it’s ok to feel like that, but also realise that you will never get everything right and all you can do is the best that you can AT THE TIME. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but have confidence in yourself that all the decisions you make are/were the right ones for you and your family at the time.”

    The other advice (from the same source) was look after yourself. It serves no purpose for you to do so much that you make yourself ill. If you have to call in a few favours to make your self more time some how than do it – it is fine to ask for help and people will understand.

    Thinking of you all. x

  • dianemaggipintovoiceover

    a.) love “angles” — your daily photo
    2.) omg crying to tech support. not a unique experience, lemme tell ya
    c.) embrace those alone moments with l and m because i imagine you and jon will share childcare. then, on some days you’ll be making breakfast alone in the house, and driving to and from your office because YOU forgot things :)

  • Twinkie

    I read this yesterday, and have thought about what was written and how you are doing on and off over the last 24 hours.

    I am really struggling – for unrelated reasons, but struggling all the same. Struggling just to maintain and come out even. And it feels so impossibly hard and like I am totally alone. Your hardships make me feel less alone.

    I called my boss and left a voicemail yesterday to see if he could cover an hour for me. Started out like a normal message but ended with me sobbing, “I cuh-can’t muh-make it in…” Totally humbling.

    Thinking good thoughts for you, Jon and your girls…

  • brittakb

    I am a bad person, apparently, because I could not be happier to read that I’m not the only one who hates being a single mom. I am glad that I’m not the only one who had to endure the fallout from a stupid, first-world divorce that was pointless and yet still somehow entirely necessary, and then had to sit back overwhelmed by how hard it is to deal with two kids who *want stuff* all the time, and apparently they think that I’m the one who’s supposed to give them that stuff. I’m on the 30 end of a 30/70 custody split and I STILL feel like I can’t do it most of the time, to the end that i had to move back to my beloved/loathsome hometown, which means I spend months away from my kids AND I’m trapped in Salt Lake City. But I’m glad glad glad that I’m not the only one, even if it means that other nice people have to suffer, too. Do you hear me? GLAD.

  • motherhoodontherocks

    And yet, there you are, getting up every morning and living. You’re an amazingly strong woman, even when you think you’re floundering. You’re not only still standing, but you’re rising above all the BS. *hugs*

  • bangedout32

    All words of encouragement seem very cliche. I’ve been there. It sucks. BAD. It won’t suck forever. I promise.

  • bee

    My dad would be overseas for extended periods of time. Many friends have toddlers and it is WORK.

    1) Sometimes, the kids go to sleep in the clothes for the next day. It worked well.

    2) Making lots of homemade pancakes or waffles on the weekend that get thrown in a toaster and eaten in a car while the child is draped in a blanket

    3) locking the bathroom door, crying, and drinking wine after announcing it is “mommy time” until the alarm goes off.

    4) If at the end of the day everyone is alive and breathing and at home – good day. (minor injuries such as stitches and black eyes- that’s childhood).

  • LisaAR

    Just putting one foot in front of the other…Hang in there. This, too, shall pass–and hopefully it will pass into the world you want it to be.

  • Natalie Green

    You’re doing a superb job – even when you think you’re not. Keep going! Oh, and it’s ok to change things simply to make things easier on yourself – don’t feel bad if you change a routine or standard you once had to make things easier for yourself. Sometimes you need your kids to eat while they are watching tv while you have an indulgent few moments reading a gossip magazine, talking on the phone or necking a bottle of beer. They won’t hold it against you later in life!

    Well done you x