the smell of my desperation has become a stench

They Just Delivered Several New Sears-Bought Home Appliances and Installed Our Cable Modem and All I Have to Say Is:

  • Chad's Favorite Bridesmaid

    2003/05/01 at 8:24 pm

    “Warshing”…huh…never crossed my mind to go w/that pronunciation. Ah well, poTAto, poTAHto…

  • christine

    2003/05/01 at 8:26 pm

    Congratulations and happy warshing. Nope…that just feels too weird. Guess I have no soul. Oh well.

  • Leslie

    2003/05/01 at 8:40 pm

    What the hell is warshing though? I’ve heard it pronounced that way but WHY?

  • arrancia

    2003/05/01 at 8:47 pm

    ah, ’tis herself the salt of the airth who pronounces it “warshing.”
    a family i grew up with pronounced it “wurshing” and it was a bottomless, endless source of laughter when they ended up moving to wurshington state.

  • DingoJ

    2003/05/01 at 8:56 pm

    I’d bet ya a slice of bologna that he/she is a native of the greater Pittsburgh metropolitan area.
    We warsh thoroughly n’ at.

  • b

    2003/05/01 at 9:05 pm

    growing up in saint louis, we had a warsher.

    we also had highways farty, and farty-far. and when they turned part of farty into an interstate, it became sixty-far.

    don’t get me started on qwater and carner.

  • melissa

    2003/05/01 at 10:18 pm

    I always thought it was a midwestern thing. My (fellow Hoosier) Dad not only says “warsher”, but also says “wrench” [rather than ‘rinse’] as in: I didn’t “warsh” the dishes, I just “wrenched” them out. It’s the most sincere thing you’ve ever heard. My pops has A Soul, yo!

  • Nor*Cal Beerzie Boy

    2003/05/01 at 10:54 pm

    Just don’t call Interstate 5 “The Five.” I Hate that.

  • bt

    2003/05/01 at 11:05 pm

    I’m amazed people say “warsh” in other areas… I thought it was an Indiana thing, like “ignert”.

  • ms lauren

    2003/05/01 at 11:20 pm

    i used to work in a geriatric cafeteria chain in which one old man always requested acorn squarsh.

    it drove me nuts, until one day, i laughed until i blew snot from my nose into a pile of broccoli.

    that didn’t go over very well.

  • Jen

    2003/05/02 at 12:26 am

    The very best is when you can find someone who adds the “r” to “warshing”, and as a nice give and take, so to speak, prounouces the word sandwich, “sammich”.

  • lindsay

    2003/05/02 at 1:12 am

    its like being at home again in indiana.

    “lets go warsh our hair in the crick what runs behind the house.”

    the “what” in place of “that” is my personal favorite.

  • cherie

    2003/05/02 at 1:55 am

    I may be a little backwards, but what is the alternative to “warshing”? I mean, what other way is there to pronounce it? Everyone talks funny where I’m from.

  • zak

    2003/05/02 at 3:01 am

    While in school I worked in a camera store. We’d get people bring “flim” (no typo) in to get it “warshed”.

    We’d ask if they wanted 2 sets of prints with their flim warshing.

  • Jodi

    2003/05/02 at 4:50 am

    That extra “r” is the one that “they” no doubt leave out of words like “February” and “library”. I think a bit of consonant rehabiliation is in order.

  • alex

    2003/05/02 at 5:23 am

    You say tomato, I say keep it off my burger.

    You say potato, I say goes great with everything but sex.

    You say warsh, I say once a yaar wedder I needs it or naht.

  • alex

    2003/05/02 at 5:27 am

    By the way, some people have too much soul. James Brown for instance.

  • Richard D. Bartlett

    2003/05/02 at 5:52 am

    Longtime listener, first time caller:

    would like to {just quietly} add my enormous kudos to this gorg site. some of your mastheads are actually sex on toast, im sure.

  • Sheila

    2003/05/02 at 6:19 am

    Eck. My ex was from Pittsburgh – they prounce it that way. He teased me about saying ‘cawfee’ & ‘qwater’.

  • Suzyn

    2003/05/02 at 6:20 am

    Warsh your plate in the zink while we go have a sit in the davenport. Central Illinois, baybee.

  • Staci

    2003/05/02 at 6:22 am

    You could always go with my mom’s way of saying oil. “You know that ol’ ain’t gonna come out in the warsh.”

  • bill

    2003/05/02 at 6:27 am

    Congratulations on the warsher, BlurboDooces. I think one of the happiest days of my life was moving into my house and finding the Kenmore Extra Heavy-Duty warsher and dryer combo quietly waiting for the first load.

    I also think that “warsher” is a cross-country pronounciation; my gramma (Rochester, NY) and my neighbors (Baltimore, MD) all say it the same way.

  • IQpierce

    2003/05/02 at 6:45 am

    I’m a Houstonian, or Houstonite, or whatever we are, and anyway my grandmother ALWAYS pronounces it “warsh.” I am amazed that she can do this and not be aware of it. There is no R in that word, woman! Where are you getting that R from? Greh.

    Love your site, first time I’ve replied.

  • Xiobhan

    2003/05/02 at 7:13 am

    “Aw fer cryin’ out loud, der Dooce!” I’m from WI and we say a lot of dumb stuff, warsh isn’t one of them, thank goodness. I’m in Virginia now and thankfully it’s not here either, though I do here a lot of deep southerners sliding it in and out of their drawl. (Deep geographically, not emotionally or philosophically.) Next: Cola vs. Pop, Bubbler vs. Fountain, “Roof” vs. “Ruff.” Discuss.

  • helenjane

    2003/05/02 at 7:17 am


    if one doesn’t pronounce the root beer place…

    A and DoubleYuh

    they probably dance awkwardly.

  • UnderwearNinja

    2003/05/02 at 7:19 am

    My dad says warsh, and he says crick, as in a crick in the backyard, although he can also get a crick in his neck. The days of the week are also Sundee, Mondee, Tuesdee and so on. His mom is from West Virginia if anyone is trying to track it down.

  • the mighty jimbo

    2003/05/02 at 7:21 am

    ooh. the two luxuries i would be loathe to live without. clean clothing and internet porn – all on demand.

    the day you don’t have to save your quarters and can do laundry naked on a sunday at midnight is a beautiful, life changing experience.

  • melanie

    2003/05/02 at 7:43 am

    cherie: the alternative to “warsh” is “wAHsh” (the correct pronunciation).

    xioban: for this texan in colorado, it’s Pop (although back home, everything’s Coke), Fountain, Roof.

  • MojoMark

    2003/05/02 at 7:46 am

    I am more bothered by the east coasters who come up with good “ideers”. I-DEE-AH. No friggin’ “EAR”.
    /i feel better now. Blog-o-therapy.

  • Geof

    2003/05/02 at 8:33 am

    Huh. And they say us Alabama rednecks talk funny!

    [I always thought that this was a Michigan thing when I lived in Ohio.]

  • Dawn

    2003/05/02 at 8:43 am

    i know almost no one here in the south who says warsh…i always thought it was a mid-west thing. however, i know many elderly who frequent both Wal-Mark and K-Mark.

  • jess

    2003/05/02 at 8:44 am

    the notwist! excellent choice in listening material.

  • PJ

    2003/05/02 at 8:51 am

    Tell me you didn’t throw out those big boxes yet. You need to take them to those three cute little ‘nabor’ girls, and they will love you even more than they already do.

  • sara C.

    2003/05/02 at 8:56 am

    Heather, I know how you miss the star sightings, that are part of everyday life here in Los Angeles. So, you’ll appreciate the fact that I saw Josh Gracin from American Idol last night at the Chevron Station on Sunset and Laurel pumping his own gas. Brad wanted to talk to him, but I wouldn’t let him! Granted not as good as the Kelly conversation I had last year, but still gratifying. Miss you three, and oh how I know about Chuck peeing on the neighbors!

  • Anne

    2003/05/02 at 8:56 am

    I met a friend in college who introduced me to “warshing” (I also live in Warshington state now, and hear that all the time). He was from Philly, and also said some bizarre-and-not-so-soulful words: “wudder” instead of “water,” and worst of all, “crick” instead of “creek.” Do they teach grammar in elementary school down there?

  • christa

    2003/05/02 at 9:06 am

    holy crap, same here. New washer, dryer, fridge and cable modem… only we’re in Kentucky and there are no extra r’s here.

  • Liz

    2003/05/02 at 9:12 am

    I can’t help but think of Margaret Cho impersonating her nurse in I’m the One That I Want. “I’m Wanda and I’m here to warsh your vagina.”

  • zchamu

    2003/05/02 at 9:26 am

    Is it “warshing” or “worshing”?

  • Danika

    2003/05/02 at 9:29 am

    I am completely soulless… Its WASH not WARSH


  • Clubfoot

    2003/05/02 at 9:29 am

    I live in western michigan…”youse better warsh your clothes in the zink, dummitall….and then, too yet, make sure youse do it in dezember. I’ll give you a kwatter (not a dime) if youse do it”.

  • Clubfoot

    2003/05/02 at 9:31 am

    Oh yeah, and I also work with someone who will say, “there’s no PACIFIC reason why we have to go now….”


  • A Second Jodi

    2003/05/02 at 9:49 am

    My family originates from eastern Tennessee, and have said warsh for generations. I never imagined it could be a midwestern thing, or even reach as far as Utah! What about the word ‘yonder’? As in “Your sister went down yonder holler.”

  • mervis

    2003/05/02 at 10:04 am

    Ah ‘warsh’…My Dad actually said “Go warsh yer teeth.” Every night. Even after my brother and I started making fun of him. His family hailed from Indiana originally…They also said CEment and GAHRantee. Combine that with about fifteen years of living in Mi’waukee (no ‘L’!!) and he’s saying SODA and BUBBLER!
    I love regionalisms. But maybe WARSH is a class thing??
    Any thoughts?

  • Heather #2

    2003/05/02 at 10:11 am

    Beerzie: who the heck calls it the five? And for that matter, who the heck calls it Interstate 5? I-5, baby, I-5.

    And Pittsburgh is great for a lot of things, but definitely NOT pronunciation. (Sidebar: I had a post about that once. Haloscan lost it. Imagine that.)

  • chorizo

    2003/05/02 at 10:27 am

    can we all agree, though, that new-kew-ler is just plain wrong?

  • Somelier

    2003/05/02 at 10:32 am

    Hey Dooce – I’ve been meaning to thank you for a year now for The Notwist. Neon Golden is now in my top 10 albums. They are excellent and I owe it all to you!

    Everybody else – buy this! You won’t regret it.

    PS. I think that guy was from Oakley, UT.

  • Ken

    2003/05/02 at 10:50 am

    Sorry, I don’t warsh clothes, but I do drink warter!

  • The Inmate

    2003/05/02 at 10:58 am

    I agree on “Nucular”. But there is (as with most odd things) a dark, conspiratorial, mass-control oriented governmental reason for it. “Nuclear” is scary. “Nucular” is homely, hospitable, and oh, so very Southern.
    Trust the Bush administration on making “Nucular” part of American govspeak (tip o’ the hat to Mr. Orwell there).

    As for Warshing, it could be worse.
    Try “Woshing” in Britain….or “Weshing” in Australia….

  • niurope

    2003/05/02 at 11:37 am

    i don’t have a warshing machine… how sad!

  • eddeaux

    2003/05/02 at 11:51 am

    Well, if you are from Texas, then everyone adds the “r”. But there isn’t a G on it either- it is just warshin’ as in “I need to do some warshin” also we say, “Warsh the car” “Fixin” and “ya’ll” we got soul.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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