Playful, elegant, and not above the judicious use of the word “shit."

They Just Delivered Several New Sears-Bought Home Appliances and Installed Our Cable Modem and All I Have to Say Is:

  • Lex

    I’ve got a warshing machine, but I thought I’d lost my drar until I found that the reason it wasn’t running was because my 2-year-old son’s sneaker had jammed between one of the ridges inside it and the front wall, thus locking the damn thing up tight.

    But the sneaker’s been liberated, the drar’s drahin’ again ‘n’ and I get to spend on booze the money I was gonna have to spend on repairs. Woo-hoo!

  • Having spent time in Virginny, i learned they pronounced the surname “Lucado” as ‘Luck-ee-doo’. Go figger.

  • moose

    in a previous lifetime i lived on the east coast. when i first moved there i couldn’t figure out if the waitrons approaching the table were asking if i “wanted wodduh” (wanted water, as in a glass of) or “wanted d’wodduh” (wanted to order). sigh. life is hard when soulful people don’t follow the friggin RULES OF PRONOUNCIATION (sic) !!!

    and if i hear nucular one more time i’m going ballistic.

  • “Ya know..uhhhurhm…I used to have me a warshing machine, but I never was no ‘count at puttin’ in no warshing soap.
    Ev’ry time I put in that warshing soap, I done got suds up to my meat n’ two potaters. Durn hard to mop it up.” — Karl, Sling Blade

  • RissaRizzo

    I have to disagree with eddeaux. I am from Texas – originally from Tyler, but have lived in Houston for 20 years. The only person I have ever known to say “warsh” was one of my friends from Ohio. But she also called coke “pop” and pantyhose “nylons.”

  • april

    Yes, I must agree that it’s a Hoosier thing (I lived in Tennessee and ‘warsh’ isn’t common). Not only do they mispronounce, but they make up words, too. My mom was raised on a farm in Indiana and she and her 4 sisters have their own vocabulary:
    *warshrag
    *yungins, youins and littel-ins
    *over yonder (not invented by them…but who says that anymore?)
    They also tend to use old phrases like ‘mind your Ps and Qs’.

  • april

    PS/ Now that I live in Chicago, I get a lot of “yous guyses” from the older generation of blue collars.

  • p

    the canadian version of “yokel” talk would be waaaaaashin machine, don’tcha know.

  • Kate

    April must have lived in some TN in an alternate universe, because I’ve lived here for 19 years and almost everyone says it “warshing machine.”Our state reprensentatives work in Warshington, and you’d be plum crazy to forget it.

  • Laura

    My Grandmother, born and raised in Gaspe, Quebec, always pronounced sandwich *sangwich*. I always thought that was cute… Spookily enough, my fiance’s mother, a true Italian from the province of Bari, says sangwich also. How can this be??? Can it be coast to coast?

  • I DON’T SEE THE FUN IN IT.

  • but then again I pronouce it waassing machince.

  • april

    Kate, Nashville is, indeed, an alternate universe. I worked at a Kinko’s in Murfreesboro and had all kinds of farmers coming in and asking for things I couldn’t understand under the strain of their accent. Maybe I developed some kind of immunity to that word. I lived there 7 years and never noticed it.

  • You folks whining about the “nukular” pronunciation of nuclear…go look in a dictionary. It’s considered an appropriate pronunciation now. Words change. Deal. Otherwise we’d all be speaking Middle English (and no one likes to read Chaucer, let alone listen to someone who speaks like him).

  • It’s really too bad I sound like this in the middle of Annapolis, MD. Everyone laughs at me. I also sometimes go into accents, such as Southern or British. Hey, I grew up with random people in random places. I think I’m cool. Leave me to my disillusion.

    PS: I think ‘wuddah’ as ‘water’ is possibly the best.

  • lee

    Just don’t call milk “melk” because that automatically makes it sound all warm and curdled.

    Here’s a dialect survey for the curious. This is the results page (it’s got maps and stuff): http://hcs.harvard.edu/~golder/dialect/maps.php – but the adventurous can take the test too.

  • Can I just say that here in eastern Michigan we have washing machines. Although some of us seem to have developed faint ‘Canadian’ accents…

  • I’m sorry but the only reason the other pronunciation of nuclear has become accepted is because people are too damn lazy to say it right. I think there was one other prez besides W who said it wrong. It sounds stupid. I don’t care what the dictionary says.

    And since when is it uncool to say “the 5”? I have lived in SoCal my whole life and have heard lots and lots of “cool” people say it. But maybe it’s an OC thing. LA people are just so much hipper than us.

    I’m sorry…I’m just feeling so cranky today.

  • i saw the tertiary pronunciation of “nu-cyoo-lar” in the dictionary too. That just isn’t right. GW should cut that shit out cause it’s not going to get less grating on the ears the more he says it.

    congrats on the purty new warsher btw, dooce.

  • I have three problems w/ crude uses of language – 1) I’m hearing impaired, 2) I work with many middle-eastern folks, 3) I’m not from midwest (so. cal.) So not a day goes by where I don’t develop a facial tic in response the constant butchery of simple pronunciations… worst offender here: for fark’s sake, it’s “cum-pyoo-ter” not “com-poo-ter.” Lazy, moronic, or ignorant – take your pick.

  • DryerFresh

    I didn’t used to say warshing, but thanks to my new best friend from Virginia, now it’s warshing and “bahg-le” instead of “bay-gle” and “y’all” instead of “you guys”. I like the “r” in warshing. It’s nice.

  • Maybe I don’t have soul, but I have grizammuh damn it!

    Now hold on while I go warsh my motha fuckin mouth out with soap.

  • Nunya Bidnis

    MADNESS PREVAILS…..what?… you expected otherwise?
    humans are the only species that surround themselves with devices and contraptions that will eventually lead to their own demise. by definition, insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result every time. sounds like history ……hmmmm.

  • I thought that special extra “r” was peculiar to Eastern Canada. Maybe your Sears delivery guys are canucks.

  • We used to make fun of my dad for saying “warsh”, “ruff” (roof), and “fow-er” (4). It used to bug me, but now it’s kind of endearing.

    Highways in CA: If you’re in SoCal, there’s a “the” in front, as in “take the 5 to the 210 to the 10”. If you’re in the Bay Area, there’s no “the”, as in “take 5 to 580”. I think the “the”/ no “the” switches somewhere around Bakersfield.

    In Hawaii we just call our 3 freeways H-1 (aitch-won), H-2 (aitch-too), and H-3 (aitch-tree).

  • lordgoon

    Hrrm. Yes. Quite. A very cogent observation, no doubt.

    Still waiting on that big review of _War and Peace_, though…

  • If you say “warsh” than you must pronounce that island country in the Caribbean “Cyuber” and, like our ivy league educated president, that source of energy as “nucular” (eww… that one really grates on me).
    .
    OK…. while I’m venting, that city in Mexico, just south of the border from San Diego, is not “Tee-A-Hwana”. That would be spelled Tiajuana and would mean Aunt Jane. Tijuana is pronouced . TEE-hwana folks.
    .
    Venting now complete. Dooce, congrats on the new home, appliances, and that greatest necessity of all: broadband connectivity.

  • my boss says “cOWr” instead of “car”. he’s from detroit and chicago. where the hell is the “cOWr” pronunciation from?

  • Since everyone seems to be venting thier pronuciation peeves:

    It’s Loo-A-Vul

    NOT Louie-Ville

    NOT Loo-A-Ville

    NOT Louis-Ville

    Loo-A-Vul

    Col. Charles R. Kaiser

  • I grew up in VA and I’ve never heard anyone say “bah-gle” as opposed to “bay-gle” – I suspect your friend is retarded (hehe) I will say “ya’ll” every once in a blue moon. It makes me want to punch myself.

  • my iowa-born daddy says warsh. and “arn” instead of on. is there really any other way?!

  • When I was little, we’d go visit my grandma in North Carolina several times a year. I must admit that I would tease her back then about the way she pronounced certain things: “waRsh” instead of “wash”; “piller” instead of “pillow”; “may-ter” instead of “tomato”; and phrases like “over yonder.” My mom was born in NC but traveled around a lot with her family when she was growing up so thankfully she didn’t pick up or pass on the southern accent to her kids.

  • another one

    The Inmate: We dont ‘wesh’ in Australia, we ‘wosh.’ While im at it, we are ‘ozzies’ not ‘ossies’

  • Grace

    Warshing with the warter off of farty-far in Missourah. There are quite a few mispronunciations that grate on my nerves, but I’m afraid none will ever compare to Oh-Free — which is how my Grandma pronounces Oprah.

  • hmmm

    americans, tsk.

  • J

    hmmm:
    i agree!

  • It’s “malk” not “milk”, wash, ya’ll, fountain and either soda or coke. I’m from Arizona and other than my personal “malk” and “ya’ll” issues the population as a whole is fairly free from speech “impebblements”.

    Oh, it’s pronounced “Too-sawn” not “Tuck-sun” or “Tooc-sawn”.

  • i can’t! it’ll always be ‘woshing’ machine…but i do say maRstercard?

  • One other thing. . .

    Everyone seems to think that “Y’all” is plural. It’s not. The plural form of “Y’all” is “All y’all.”

  • Someone mentioned “Missourah” and I developed my facial tic again. That’s high on my list of “accent-peeves.” I live in KC, famous for a bipolar mentality since it’s the only city split b/t two states. My theory on the “Missourah” pronunciation is ‘cuz “Missour-ee” is one mispronunciation from from “Misery.”

  • b

    “missourah”

    can’t tell you how much i hate that. i heard one theory that it was more correct because of some native american word, but i’m sure that’s revisionist bullshit.

    personally, i think it’s a sign of intelligence. “missour-ee” implies you done had yourself some book-learning.

    one of the senators or governors (maybe bond or ashcroft? i forget) once said that he preferred missour-ah.
    what a dumbass!

  • on the contrary, mr. kaiser. “y’all” is plural. “all y’all” is simply MORE plural.

    if i’m in a roomful of people, standing with my two best friends, and i say, “y’all ought to come back to my place for a beer,” i’m inviting two people. if i say, “all y’all ought to come back to my place for a beer,” i’m inviting everyone in the room.

    y’all are makin’ me miss virginia. (i’m stuck in pgh, where “yinz” is the second person plural of choice. blecchh.)

  • gwen,

    I see your point.

    I miss Virginia too. I spent 3 wonderful years in Blacksburg. I keep trying to convice my wife to move there, but she wants me to have trivial little things like a paying job lined up. . .

  • mu husband used to work at a place where they called it “the a, t and m” (atm). i loved, that one 😉

  • IOWA

    WAS WELL INTO MY 20’S BEFORE SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT FIVE CENTS WASN’T A NECKAL.

  • me again

    oh, and “illinoiz.” best way to inspire my “oops i can’t believe i just punched you in the teeth” tic.

  • nep

    warshing machine? you done flagged yerself a hillbilly, boy!

    *blaaahhhhh*

  • Liz

    Ugh, horrible memories… of living near Pittsburgh re-surfacing.. remember.. first time at laundry mat… trying to figure out what a wursher was… where did they keep the damned washers… why did they kept asking me if I wanted a Pop when all I wanted was a Diet Coke..

  • nep

    on second thought…

    relatives in st. louis tend to change the “ore” — in words like george, quarter, and shorts — to “are”. hence, we have garge, quarrrter, and sharts. funny as hell.

  • Heathens!