the smell of my desperation has become a stench


Emily, our new friend, you know the one, She For Whom Chuck Breaks Out the Lipstick (if you know what I’m sayin’), she finally up and went and got herself some of that Internet web space. I have officially forgiven her for stealing Chuck’s heart because she labels pictures of her friends with subject lines from spam in her inbox. You really want someone like her hanging out with your baby.


“Young pregnant chearleader”
“Reply: Shy Whore squirting milk”
“RE: Young Teen showing pussy lips”

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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