This here bringer of the pooper to the fun party

It will come with a money back guarantee

I call dibs on the patent for a hair barrette that when touched by the child whose hair it is pulling back from the forehead SHOCKS the child’s hand and gives her a mild, cautionary concussion.

This afternoon while refusing to take a second nap such a child jerked a barrette out of her hair and FLUNG IT AGAINST THE WALL causing a bink, bink noise to echo through the monitor into every room of the house as the barrette hit the wall and then fell to the hardwood floor.

I will be my first customer.

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